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Guiding Light Update Wednesday 5/24/06

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Written By Siri
Pictures by Boo

Alan Spaulding – In the Light
"Saving Grace"

Outside the maternity wing at Cedars, a very quiet Alan hears a baby crying. He walks into Beth’s room and watches her sleep. Lillian comes in and tells him to leave Beth alone. He tells her that his only concern is Beth and wants to take her home. Lillian tells him that he is not taking her home. He gets a far away look in is eyes and tells her that he is always prepared for what life throws at him. Back at the mansion, he looks through the baby’s book. Roxie sniffs at his feet and he shoos her away. He sings to himself, Mockingbird, and talks to himself as well. He mutters that he has learned not to mourn the things of which he has no control.

Back at Cedars, Alan visits Beth again and tells her he wants her to come with him for a surprise. She reluctantly goes with him and at the mansion he tells her that he has prepared a very special evening. She screams at him and tries to leave. Alan tells her that their dreams are not over and is just a temporary setback. He tells her that Dr. Sedgwick told him they can try again for a baby. She slaps him in mid sentence and leaves. Alan goes back talking and singing to himself, looking at the baby book he has placed in his briefcase.

Alan goes to Outskirts and pours himself a drink. Jonathan walks in and tells him the place is closed adding that today is drinking day for billionaires. Alan looks startled and Jonathan tells him to go easy for he doesn’t want him to have a heart attack. Alan tells him to show respect and Jonathan tells him that he has to earn it. Alan asks how much he owes for the drink and Jonathan tells him two-hundred dollars as he grabs Alan’s briefcase. Alan suddenly goes berserk and grabs Jonathan, snatching away the briefcase. He takes on last drink and leaves.

Alan’s next visit is to Company. He staggers in and sees Lizzie, Coop and Zach. He asks to speak to her, speech slurred, and she asks if he has been drinking. She tells him that she knows he was with Beth for Beth called her. She tells him that no one cares to talk or be with him. As he tries to show Lizzie the baby book, Coop tells him to leave because he has been drinking. Alan, irate now, tells him he doesn’t want to be lectured. Buzz attempts to scurry away Zach as Alan drunkenly raises his voice, demanding to see Zach. Zach is startled. Buzz finally bear hugs Alan and angrily whispers in his ear, “You sent my daughter to prison because your son, who was supposed to be dead, was alive. You slammed my family including your grandson. You did that and it was just the tip of the iceberg”. Alan jerks away and Buzz finishes by telling him that he understands he lost his baby, but he needs to go. Alan nods and agrees that he needs to go; Buzz leading him out the door. Alan tells Buzz that Buzz can stay with Zach and Elizabeth for he needs to go. A heartbroken Alan turns to look at his family.

At the church, Alan talks to Father Ray. Alan tells him that it is a mistake for him to be here and Ray tells him that the doors are open for everyone. Alan asks Ray how one saves oneself when G-d has decided to punish. Ray tells him that isn’t necessarily G-d punishing anyone. Alan figures that he must be more spiritual and less human. Ray adds that when guilt becomes overwhelming, we tend to try and balance things out ourselves. Alan tells Ray that his baby boy was to be his new start. He starts to have flashbacks of Beth and him at the cabin; Lizzie telling Alan that she is glad Coop will be the baby’s father and the family might not be screwed up; Alan telling Alan-Michael that he will be as hated as Alan is; Gus telling Alan to just be himself for once; the look on Phillip’s face as Alan pulled the trigger; Alexandra yelling that Phillip was a better man then he and saying, “He wasn’t under the guise of a grieving father like you”. Ray is talking at the same time and Alan hears the end, “…under the guise of a grieving father”. Alan snaps back to reality and hears as Ray tells him that G-d will help him and not punish him. Alan says, “A just and caring G-d”? Alan lights a candle telling Ray that his own father tortured him and Alexandra when they were children. “My father was a monster and he died all alone”, Alan says, pulling at his tie. He tells Ray that he has driven everyone away that he cares for. Ray asks Alan if he is okay. Suddenly, Alan-Michael walks in and claps his hands, telling Ray not to stand to close to Alan for G-d might strike him down. Alan tells him that he is making arrangements for the boy he lost. Alan-Michael looks very concerned and tells Alan he is sorry. Alan looks angrily at Alan-Michael and says that all he has known is pain.

Alan goes back to the mansion and Alexandra tells him he doesn’t look well. She explains that she has been looking for Phillip all over the world. Alan asks her if she remembers their father’s funeral. She laughs and says that she remembers for no one wanted to be there except to dance on his grave. He asks her about his own memorial service and she tells him she doesn’t want to talk about it. A delivery person brings in a custom designed nursery item. He tells her to leave him alone. The item is a colorful box with the letter ‘S’ on it. He talks to himself and says that he should have done this for Phillip and Alan-Michael, too. Roxie walks by and he picks her up, telling her that he doesn’t like little dogs for they are like children. He stands up, picks up the nursery box and crashes it to the floor saying he is better off without a child. Suddenly, Alan falls to the floor, breathing rapidly and clutching his chest.

Writhing on the floor in pain, Alan dials his cell phone, begging for help. Then, he phones Beth who ignores the call. Gasping now, Alan phones Lizzie who also ignores the call. In desperation now, Alan phones Alan-Michael. He, too, ignores the call. Alan realizes no one cares. He makes one last call and leaves a message on Beth’s cell phone, telling her to take a message to his children for things do not look good right now. Roxie stands at his head, gently nudging him. The ambulance arrives and takes him to Cedars. Lillian is there and tells him that they will take care of him. Ray is also there and asks if he needs to give him last rites. The doctor tells Alan they will check him. Later, the doctor and Lillian tell Alan he had a panic attack due to stress. The doctor tells him that he isn’t going to die today. Alone in the ER, Alan looks to the heavens, relieved for a second chance.

As he is being discharged, Beth arrives and sarcastically tells Alan she is glad he isn’t dead. She tells him that they cannot replace a child with dinner and drinks. She asks if he understands what he lost. Alan, looking calmer now, tells her that their baby would have been his future. Very angry now, Beth tells him that she isn’t walking away from their “arrangement”. Alan tells her that she means marriage and she restates arrangement. Beth walks away and tells him that she will see him at home. Alan looks somewhat confused. He walks along Main Street and finds Alan-Michael. Alan-Michael tells him that he knows Phillip is out there somewhere and that he is sorry he lost the baby. He adds that Alexandra is tired and scared, Beth despises him and will make his life a living hell, and anyone else he has in mind hates him because of the mess with Phillip. He tells Alan he is left with no one except himself, Alan-Michael. He adds that he knows Alan wants to work with him to force out Harley. Alan-Michael snickers and tells him that everything is too little too late. He throws up in Alan’s face how he tried to make Phillip everything he could be.

Alan has a flashback looking at Phillip’s picture; hearing Phillip explain that everything he is doing is for his children’s future; asking Alan to be there no matter what happens. Alan, at the mansion now, looks at Phillip’s picture and says, “We all thought you were crazy son. But you had one thing right….children and grandchildren are everything. Always, keep them close, even if you have to use force”.

Alan returns to Company and Zach runs from him. He grabs Buzz and pulls him outside yelling, “I need your help”. He throws Buzz down on the ground. Buzz yells at him and asks what the point is. Alan tells him that Buzz’s children and grandchildren have all forgiven him and he wants to know why. Buzz shakes his finger in Alan’s face and says that he has a chance with his children for he earned it.

He continues to tell Alan, more calmly now, that redemption is about tomorrow and the next day and the next; putting the past behind. Buzz gets in Alan’s face and tells him to see his family for who they truly are. “Because when you don’t, you know what happened”, Buzz whispers. Alan, sitting rigid, has a knowing look on his face. Alan returns to the mansion. He holds Roxie and has a smile on his face. Lizzie arrives to pick up Roxie. She tells him that she heard what happened and asks if he is okay. She tells him that he did kind of go ballistic. She hugs him and asks him about the panic attacks. She tells him that she worries about them, too. Alan tells her he knows she gets scared sometimes. She admits that sometimes she does panic. Alan places his hand on her stomach and tells her that she will be a wonderful mother and will never be alone.

Alan, at the church again, looks towards the altar. He tells Father Ray he has found the way towards redemption, as he sees himself walking into Lizzie’s bedroom. “I found a new purpose in my life”, he tells Ray. “A new beginning to correct my mistakes; my great-grandchild, Elizabeth’s child; I am going to guard this child”. He places his hand on Lizzie’s stomach saying, “Nothing will ever harm him. Nothing”!

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