Port Charles Transcript
Proofread by Boo
Ian: Kids are asleep, finally.
Lucy: What? You just set a new world's record. Under 15 minutes -- amazing.
Ian: Speaking of records, did you sign the divorce papers?
Lucy: Hmm, not yet.
Ian: Why not?
Lucy: Cookies. I got a little sidetracked. See, every time I buy these kind of cookies, the kids try and sneak them. So I was hiding them, and I thought with company coming over, I did have to get at least something out of me --
Ian: It's not a social call, you know.
Lucy: I'm -- I'm -- I'm very well aware of that. I was just trying to make -- does this have to be unpleasant? Discussing custody with Kevin doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Ian: I -- I just think it's a bad idea to invite him back into Christina's life.
Lucy: I know, and you told me that, and I told you mine, and we sort of discussed this.
Ian: I just don't trust the guy, that's all. I don't think you should, either.
Lucy: I don't. I know.
[Knock on door]
Kevin: Evening. Well, if looks could kill --
Imani: What did you say you were?
Jamal: Ah, forget it. I was just being sarcastic.
Imani: I thought you said that you're a vampire.
Jamal: Yeah, right. Yeah -- no, a guy'll say anything to keep from being jammed up by a pretty young lady. You know, so you just kind of cornered me, and that's the first thing I thought of, so --
Imani: Vampire was the first thing?
Jamal: Yeah, why not?
Imani: You know, I've heard stories about this town, all the supernatural things going on.
Jamal: No, no, no, it's just a line to hook the tourists, you know, get some traffic here.
Imani: No, I don't think so. Jamal, tell me the truth. Are you really a vampire?
Jamal: Yeah. So I won't be offended if you run away from me as fast as you can. In fact, I encourage it.
Caleb: What is wrong with you, Olivia?
Caleb: I do have a doorbell, you could knock if you don't like the doorbell.
Rafe: We have to talk.
Caleb: It's not a good time, Rafe.
Rafe: I don't care. You're going to make it a good time. Look, I'm not thrilled to be here, either. Where's Alison?
Caleb: You keep losing her like this, you might want to put a little bell around her neck.
Rafe: Ok, you know what? This isn't funny. Now, she -- she just walked out, and I'm here asking you nicely -- did she happen to stop by here, hmm?
Caleb: Why would she? All right, man, look, you can check the closets if you want to. Look under the bed, whatever you want. She's not here.
Rafe: Well, I -- I thought maybe she'd come after Livvie. They had a fight.
Caleb: Yeah, well, that's not exactly a news flash.
Rafe: No, you know what? This was different. This was very different. She's not -- she's not acting like herself at all.
Caleb: Yeah? Olivia baked muffins.
Rafe: Excuse me?
Caleb: Would you like one? Yeah, I mean, I -- I don't know. I thought it was some sort of game at first, but --
Rafe: Me, too. Me, too. That -- that's what I thought. I mean, Alison -- she -- she was actually acting like Livvie.
Caleb: Yeah, it's like they -- like they exchanged personalities.
Livvie: What are you doing here? Why are you following me?
Alison: Well, it just occurred to me that you're responsible for every single annoying and rotten thing that's ever happened to me.
Livvie: It's all in your mind, Alison. We were friends once, remember?
Alison: Oh, I know we were once, huh? I must have been very desperate. But don't worry. I'm onto your sneaky little tricks.
Livvie: Why are you acting so paranoid?
Alison: I'm not acting paranoid. And all I see is a little slut standing in front of me who's tried to take every single thing away from me. Guess what, Livvie? It's time for a little payback.
[Captioning made possible by ABC, Inc.]
Jamal: Well, what are you waiting for? You'd better run if you know what's good for you.
Imani: I work at Elixir, Jamal. I've seen all kinds of strange things. I'm not afraid of you.
Jamal: Yeah, well, you should be.
Imani: But you're not like the rest. I can tell.
Jamal: Yeah, I'd like to think that, but then I'd be fooling myself. I stalked you here tonight. I followed you. I hunted you down. And that's not exactly normal behavior unless you're a vampire like myself, of course.
Imani: So why did you choose to follow me?
Jamal: I don't know. I thought you were in some kind of trouble. And with you being so mysterious about where you go and what you do -- I don't know, I just -- I just thought it was a good idea at the time.
Imani: I am so sorry that I called you all those names.
Jamal: No, don't worry about it because, I mean, I shouldn't be busting into places where they sing songs to god, anyway.
Imani: Maybe that's exactly where you should be.
Jamal: Yeah. Well, maybe when you see me hanging upside down from a rafter, you'll change your mind.
Imani: Do you want to know what I think? I think that, basically, you're a really great guy who just -- you happen to be a little different.
Imani: And, you know, maybe we're not so different.
Jamal: Right. Right, that's a good one. Yeah, you go to church, and you sing songs in a choir and you get to me, and it's like you open up one of my veins, it's like a party going on inside. Right, we're exactly the same. Trip.
Imani: We all have secrets.
Jamal: I used to love going to service with my moms. She'd get all decked out, and after she'd rustle up this big, old breakfast, and just we would -- yeah. That was way back in the day.
Imani: Church doors are always open to everyone.
Jamal: No. No, this is a holy place. I don't belong here.
Rafe: Ok. Before we start hatching conspiracy theories -- maybe it's the drug. Maybe it's the drug that Joshua gave Alison. Maybe that's making her act out.
Caleb: That would explain her behavior, yes. What about Olivia's?
Rafe: Right. So she -- she baked muffins. Is that it?
Caleb: You're just going to have to trust me on that one, all right? I'll -- I'll spare you the gory details.
Rafe: Ok, fine, fine, fine. Let's back this up for a sec. All right? Now, Livvie and Alison get into a brawl. Somewhere in the middle of all that, somehow it's possible for them to exchange personalities. Now, let's pretend that actually is possible.
Caleb: Ok, let's pretend.
Rafe: How did it happen?
Caleb: Man, I'm just a humble vampire. I'm no wizard.
Rafe: All right, you know what? Just -- fine. Ok, you're not a wizard. Great, that's great. Now, can we think about this for a second? Because it could be very dangerous. I mean, Alison -- you don't know -- she had murder in her eyes. Now, I know you're used to seeing Livvie that way, but Alison? Come on.
Caleb: This could get very dangerous for Alison.
Rafe: What do you mean?
Caleb: Livvie's a vampire. Alison can get as angry as she wants, but she still can't hurt her.
Rafe: Right, and if she pushes Livvie too far --
Caleb: Yeah, I think we better find them before this -- this gets very bad.
Alison: Do you lie awake at night and think about new ways to torture me, or does that just come naturally to you?
Livvie: Look, Alison, you better back off right now before you do something you'll regret.
Alison: Oh, no. The only thing that I regret is letting you into my life.
Livvie: You're better than this.
Alison: Oh, I know!
Livvie: Please don't hurt me.
Alison: I am better than this, huh? I'm so sick of your little mouth and your saintly little speeches. You may appear to be as pure as the driven snow, but I know what you're up to. I know you. You want Rafe. You always have.
Livvie: This is getting us nowhere. I'm going home.
Alison: You are not! You're not going anywhere until you admit it.
Livvie: Admit what?
Alison: Admit that you are trying to get Rafe back into your bed.
Livvie: That's not true. I love Caleb.
Alison: Oh, I'm sure you do, don't you? And I bet your love is just as bright as the sun and as deep and wide as the ocean and as fluffy as a little lamb and blah, blah, blah.
Livvie: Stop it.
Alison: Stop what? You stop it. If I was a diabetic right now, I think I might just keel over. I'm so sick of you, I could just scream.
Livvie: Alison, stop it. You're hurting me.
Alison: No, that's the point, sunshine, because you need to be stopped --
Livvie: No, please!
Alison: Once and for all. I will not let you ruin any more of my life.
Livvie: Let go, please.
Lucy: Would you care for some coffee?
Kevin: Yeah, yeah, thank you. I'll take just a little cream and --
Lucy: Right, and two sugars.
Kevin: Thank you.
Lucy: You're welcome.
Kevin: And thank you for letting me be a part of Christina's life again. I mean, after what I put you through, it's very generous.
Lucy: You need to know the only reason I'm allowing you to be part of her life is because that's what Christina seems to want. It's for her sake.
Kevin: I understand. Well, I've come up with some ideas as to visitation I think would allow us all to spend plenty of time with her. What do you say to me taking her every other weekend?
Ian: That's no good.
Kevin: Why not?
Ian: Well, Danny and Christina -- we spend time as -- as a family on the weekends, you know.
Kevin: Ok -- um -- then how about she comes to me during the summer? I was thinking about renting a beach house.
Ian: That's -- that's a long time to be away.
Kevin: Well, I could drive her to ballet lessons every week. What do you say to that, Lucy?
Ian: It's already taken care of.
Kevin: Oh, ok. I'm starting to get the picture here. That would mean I get Christina on even months ending with the letter z, is that right?
Lucy: We -- we -- we're not really starting off on the good right foot --
Kevin: Oh, no, no, no. No, this is fine. Ian, since you seem to be running the show, why don't you just go ahead and tell me what works for you?
Ian: You already know what works for me.
Kevin: Yeah, me out of my daughter's life and you taking my place. I told you, that's not going to happen.
Lucy: You know, I didn't make these cookies, but they are really good. The kids --
Ian: I don't know. You say you're a changed man. I -- I can't see it.
Kevin: Ok. I'm not going to let you goad me into losing my temper.
Lucy: Look, we are not really starting off on the right foot. We need to take a different approach. But I do think the important thing to remember is we all want to do the right thing -- what's best for Christina here. So, isn't that right?
Ian: What I want is for the people I love to be safe.
Kevin: I'm sure you believe that.
Ian: So until I know that this new and improved version of Kevin is for real, I'm going to keep my eye on you.
Kevin: Well, thanks for the cookies and the coffee, but I think we should just leave it at that.
Lucy: Ok. I think that we're off to a start, and so we'll keep trying and --
Kevin: Yeah. Yeah. You know, maybe next time your pit bull will be in a better mood.
Ian: Don't count on it.
Lucy: Ok. Bye.
Kevin: Listen, please just tell Christina that her daddy loves her. Because you may live here, but you'll never be Christina's father. Remember that when you're scheduling the rest of her life. Good night.
Ian: That didn't go well, did it?
Lucy: Um -- may I say one thing?
Lucy: That didn't go well, did it?
Ian: I was fine until he started talking about spending all this time with Christina, and then I --
Lucy: I know, I know. But that's the point. I -- I know that's what Christina wants.
Ian: Ok. What Christina wants. I still think it's a bad idea to roll out the red carpet for him.
Imani: Everyone is welcome in church, Jamal. That's the great thing about god's love. It's unconditional.
Jamal: Really? I think there was a reason us vampires weren't invited on the ark.
Imani: Listen, I don't think it matters what you've done or who you are. In god's eyes, we're all equal.
Jamal: You really believe that, Imani, huh?
Imani: Yeah, I do. This place is a sanctuary. It's a place where you can get a little bit of peace.
Jamal: You're good. You should be a preacher. You have a real way with words.
Imani: No. I'm about as far away from a preacher as you can get. I just know what's true for me.
Jamal: Look, I better split. And thanks for not wiggin' out on me about the whole, you know --
Imani: This is really hard for you, huh?
Jamal: Sometimes I feel kind of lost, but --
Imani: I know.
Jamal: You do?
Imani: I can imagine. Look, Jamal, you want to go somewhere and get that smoothie?
Jamal: I'd like that. But I'm going to have to say no.
Livvie: I am warning you, Alison --
Alison: You don't scare me, Livvie.
Livvie: Stand back!
Alison: Or what? What are you going to do? You going to steal my guy? You going to ruin my life some more?
Livvie: I said stay away.
Alison: No, you're not going to get away with it this time, you little --
Caleb: Alison, leave her alone.
Livvie: She tried to kill me. She's out of her mind.
Alison: Are you kidding me? What a whiner you are. Little drama queen.
Rafe: No. What are you doing? You trying to get yourself killed?
Alison: What, by her? No way!
Caleb: Ok. She's a vampire, you're a mortal. There is a way.
Livvie: No, I would not hurt her. I told you that already. I want to be friends. I still do.
Alison: Oh, please. Listen to you. I know how you work. She's trying get it so that you will hate me so she can have you all to herself.
Rafe: What are you talking about? That's crazy.
Alison: No, it is not!
Rafe: I already told you --
Alison: I know exactly how you work. You want everything I have, don't you, Livvie? Just --
Livvie: No, I don't want anything to do with your twisted life! That's all in your evil mind!
Caleb: Ok, relax. Don't get upset, ok?
Alison: Look at that. Now you have both men just swooning at your feet.
Caleb: This is getting bizarre.
Livvie: Please, Rafe, make her stop.
Alison: "Oh, please, Rafe, make her stop." Listen how obsessed you are. It's a wonder you don't just hit him over the head and just drag him back to your lair.
Rafe: Hey, Alison, no!
[Church bells ring]
Caleb: What's going on now?
Rafe: Uh --
Caleb: Olivia? Alison?
Rafe: What's wrong with them?
Lucy: Kevin was right, actually, about one thing. You were acting like a -- an immature pit bull!
Ian: I know. I've --
Lucy: You know? Ok. Well, at least you know that. Now, please give me some credit. I do have my doubts about Kevin. But what were you doing? You -- you were making him feel like an -- you were really trying to goad him into a fight, weren't you?
Ian: No, no --
Lucy: Yes, you were. You were, too.
Ian: No, I -- I wasn't.
Lucy: Yes, you were.
Ian: What I was trying to do is show you his true colors.
Lucy: Then, tell me, did he pass your little concocted test?
Ian: I don't know. I -- I -- he seemed -- he seems -- I guess so. But I'm not going to apologize for wanting to protect you.
Lucy: I don't want you to. I love that you want to protect me. But you have to understand what I was trying to do here.
Ian: What were you trying to do with the outfit and the makeup and the cookies and the coffee?
Lucy: Excuse me. I wore the outfit for you.
Lucy: And I was just trying to be a decent hostess and keep the peace. Look at you.
Lucy: You're -- you're just so pig-headed.
Ian: What did I do?
Lucy: There. Read that. Read it!
Ian: What are those, my walking papers?
Lucy: Yes, they are. Get out.
Ian: All right.
Lucy: No, come back. Look at this. These are my divorce papers. I signed them because I want you to be convinced that you are the only man that I want.
Ian: You got to do this for yourself. Don't do it for me.
Lucy: I didn't do it for me. I did it for us. I love you. And you need to know that you are the stubborn, pigheaded pit bull, overprotective fool that I cannot live without. So you're stuck with me. I guess you're just going to have to get used to it.
Ian: I'm sorry about picking a fight with Kevin, and I'm sorry about tonight.
Lucy: Gee, thank you. You did that very well.
Lucy: I am going to bed. You want to come?
[Church bells ring]
Livvie: Wow, that was freaky.
Caleb: You ok?
Alison: Wait a second. You were just wearing my shoes.
Livvie: Look at you in that dress.
Alison: I can't even believe that I would be seen in this.
Livvie: You? Look at me. I'm in pink. I should be running track for some kindergarten.
Alison: Wait. What just happened here?
Livvie: Isn't it obvious? You tried to kill me, you psycho.
Alison: No, I didn't. I don't lose my temper like that.
Livvie: Oh, no?
Alison: I am not a violent person.
Livvie: Hello? Did you forget, you stabbed your boyfriend and almost tried to kill him.
Alison: Hey, relax --
Livvie: You conveniently forgot that, huh?
Rafe: Ok --
Livvie: Yeah, relax.
Rafe: Guess what? They're back.
Caleb: Tell me about it.
Alison: I want to go home, Rafe. Please, can you just take me home?
Livvie: Yeah, go home.
Rafe: Yeah, yeah. It's ok. Just lean on me, all right? Come on.
Livvie: Oh. Caleb, everything is a little bit blurry. I'm really not sure what just happened here.
Caleb: There's only one thing I know that has the power to affect people like this.
Livvie: The ring.
Caleb: Somebody has it, somebody's using it, and we need to find out who.
Imani: Look, I don't get it. If I want to spend time with you and you feel the same way, what's the problem?
Jamal: Oh, you mean, besides the fact about me being a vampire?
Imani: But I already told you, that's not an issue for me.
Jamal: Look, I appreciate you being nice and everything, but I don't want your pity.
Imani: That's not what I'm offering. Jamal, it's just a smoothie.
Jamal: You know what? You've been keeping me out at arm's length ever since you came to this town, ok, and now all of a sudden you want to hang with me?
Imani: Yeah. I mean, now I know you.
Jamal: Look, I expected a big reaction when I told you about me. Maybe you'd faint, scream, run, grab the garlic. I was prepared for anything except you feeling sorry for me.
Imani: Ok. I mean, if that's how you feel, then maybe we should go our separate ways.
Jamal: Cool, cool. Because it really is the best thing, trust me.
Imani: Good night, then.
Jamal: All right.
Jamal: What good are you if you can give me everything except my old life back and a chance with a woman like Imani? What good are you at all?
>> Stay tuned for scenes from the next "Port Charles: The Gift."
>> On the next "Port Charles" --
Jamal: So, my friend, what shall I wish for now?
Ricky: Get up, you lousy bum. Frank?
Caleb: We've got unfinished business to discuss.
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