One Life to Live Transcript Monday 11/15/10


Episode # 10816

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Kathy

Viki: Echo, come on. We have the right to know.

Clint: Says who? Viki, what's it to you?

Viki: Charlie is my husband.

Clint: And what does Charlie got to do with Rex Balsom?

Bo: That's what I'd like to know right now.

Echo: All right. You're right, Viki. Rex Balsom is my son.

Rex: What did she just say?

Dorian: Kelly, wherever you are, get back here. Things are really starting to heat up.

Kelly: Hey, Joey, it's Kelly. Are you surprised? Hello, Joseph. This is Kelly. I-- what up, dawg? It's Kel. What are you doing? Am I not your first age-appropriate relationship, your first love? Hee hee! Joey? Hi.

Blair: Oh!

Langston: Oh.

Blair: So you're back from Todd and Téa's party so soon? How was it?

Langston: At the Palace.

Blair: No. I didn't ask you where it was. I asked you how it was. Hello?

Langston: Oh. What? Sorry. What?

Blair: Who are you texting?

Ford: Hey.

Woman: Who are you?

Ford: I think I get to ask you that. What are you doing here?

Woman: Eddie, you better get out here.

Eddie: I only got 28 bucks, baby, so that's going to have to do for now.

Ford: What the hell is going on here?

Eddie: Oh, good. Bobby is back. Bobby, this is Binaca.

Woman: Blanca.

Eddie: Right. This is my firstborn--Bobby. Bobby, what she said. Now, where does James keep his stash?

Ford: His what?

Eddie: His stash, his walking-around money. You know, I got expenses.

James: You have got to take this one day at a time. Think about you and Hope. That's what he wants.

Starr: Well, then he should have thought of that before he shot Eli Clarke, but no. He had to assume the worst. He always does that, but now I'm alone.

James: Whoa, wait a second, Starr. You're not alone, okay? I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.

Echo: Rex, you weren't supposed to hear that.

Rex: Hear what? Somebody please tell me what Echo just said.

Dorian: I believe she just said that you are her son.

Echo: Well, I guess there's no denying it now. I'm sure this must be a shock.

Rex: You-- you're my mother?

Echo: I'm afraid so. That's the thing about biology. There's really nothing you can do about it.

Nora: Is this a joke?

Bo: I wish. I don't think so.

Viki: Finally. I thought she'd never admit it.

Charlie: Too bad it's only half the story.

Dorian: Echo always has an agenda. Who knew this time it included Rex Balsom?

Rex: Quiet, please. Everybody stop. I can't hear myself think.

Echo: Can we just go somewhere, someplace private where we can talk?

Rex: No, no, no. No, no, no. You want to spill your guts to the whole town. Why stop now? Let's hear the rest of your story.

Kelly: Wow, Joey, so good to hear your voice. It's been too long.


Kelly: Oh, my God, the machine? Um, hi. It's Kelly. Never mind.

Ford: Blanca, excuse us for a second.

Eddie: Whoa.

Ford: You brought a hooker into my house?

Eddie: Yeah. Like that's never happened before.

Ford: You don't think that between you, me, and James, we've had enough trouble with the law around here? You want vice cops down here, too?

Eddie: Well, you and your brother were out partying. What was I supposed to do, sit at home and watch the knitting channel?

Ford: Get rid of her.

Blanca: I hope you boys are talking money because I didn't get mine.

Eddie: You heard the lady. Pay up.

Ford: Wait. So I'm supposed to foot the bill for your little escapades? No offense.

Eddie: You will. Consider it a down payment on what James owes me. Good man. And don't be stingy on the tip. Brionna here is a very gifted individual, hmm? Hey, baby.

Langston: I was texting one of my professors.

Blair: At this hour?

Langston: Yeah. It was about a project.

Blair: What kind of project?

Langston: Well, it's still in its early stages, but I've been thinking about it for a while, and now it's finally getting off the ground.

Blair: Well, good for you. So I guess you really weren't that into the party tonight, then, obviously.

Langston: Yeah. Not really, and plus, I was really worried about Starr. I should go check on her.

Blair: Well, actually, she has a guest with her right now.

Langston: Who?

Blair: James.

Starr: Don't make promises that you can't keep.

James: I mean it, Starr. I'm not gonna let you be alone.

Starr: Oh, yeah? Well, what about when I was just all over you a minute ago and you pushed me away? What was that?

James: It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, okay, but, Starr, I need to focus on what's important right now, and that's getting you through this in one piece.

Starr: I don't think you're gonna be able to do that because every time I think about getting through the next 10 years without Cole, it's like hitting a wall.

James: Okay. Okay, Starr. I get it, but that's gonna change.

Starr: How? It's not just about me, James. It's about Hope. She's gonna have to go through the most important years of her life with only one parent.

James: Yeah. I know that's not easy.

Starr: God, James, I'm sorry. I forgot.

James: It's fine, okay? Your kid is gonna have it way better than I ever did, Starr. She's gonna have you.

Starr: And I want her to have her dad. As crazy as mine is, I can't imagine growing up without him. For all of those years, that's huge.

James: Okay. Okay. You know what? We're just gonna have to make this not so huge.

Starr: How?

James: Don't think about the years or the months or the weeks. Starr, we just have to get you through tonight.

Starr: I just don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep.

James: Okay. We won't sleep. We don't have to. We'll talk. We'll eat. We'll play cards. We'll knit sweaters.

Starr: Knit sweaters? We don't even know how to knit sweaters.

James: Okay. Then I guess we're just gonna have to steal some cars. Hey, don't worry. We'll keep busy.

Starr: In here, in these 4 walls, I feel like Cole is not the only one in prison.

James: Okay. You know what? I guess I'm gonna have to figure out how to pull off a jailbreak.

Echo: I didn't want you to find out the truth this way.

Rex: The truth?

Echo: You may not want me to be your mother, but I am.

Rex: Sorry, but I'm gonna need more than your word. You see, this has happened to me before. I don't know what it is about me, but other people have claimed to be my parents when they weren't.

Dorian: Frankly, I can't imagine why.

Echo: You know that I already had this half of the heart necklace and I left the other half with you when I left you at the hospital, but you just need to know that I've had this with me all these years.

Dorian's voice: Let me see. Oh, my, Clint, where did you get this little bauble? Did you stop at a souvenir stand?

Echo: You thought I stole it, but now you know that this was all I had to remember you by.

Rex: Am I supposed to feel sorrier for you? You show up here. You drop a bomb on me like this with no proof to back it up, and I'm supposed to feel bad for how hard it was for you.

Echo: That's not what I meant.

Rex: All right. You said you didn't want me to find out this way. Did you ever want me to find out? Because if you did, you really took your sweet time.

Echo: Well, I just thought-- I thought I was doing what was best for you.

Rex: Okay. If you wanted what was best for me, why didn't you just give me to my father? And, actually, according to you, who is my father?

Dorian: Hmm?

Rex: Here's how it works. If you're my mother, you're supposed to know who my father is, so let's hear it.

Echo: It's a little more complicated than that.

Rex: Ah, so there's more than one possible candidate.

Dorian: I would imagine there are several.

Nora: Ooh, what do you know about this, Dorian?

Viki: My question, as well.

Dorian: I know quite a bit about Echo during the time that Rex was conceived. Oh, I think I could shed some light on it.

Clint's voice: I know that you are trying to make up for ditching the kid when he was just a little baby, but I got news for you. It's too late for that, and now if you shoot your mouth off now, Rex disappears, and you simply won't live long enough to ever see him again.

Echo: Stay out of it. This is none of your business. Just stay out of it, all of you!

Viki: Unfortunately, Echo, that's no longer possible. You started this. You opened this door by coming back here. Now, Rex deserves some answers. In fact, we all do.

Rex: Why?

Echo: Please don't.

Viki: No. No. There have been too many lies, and I will not add to them. Fine. I will tell him. Rex, it is possible that Charlie is your father.

Kelly: Such an idiot. I'm such an idiot. Of course he's not gonna answer his phone. It's, like, 5:00 in the morning in London right now. Shoot. Shoot. He's gonna wake up. He'll look at his phone. He's gonna see a message, missed call. He'll listen to the dumbest message ever. Okay. I see him. He's gonna call me. He's gonna call me. It's gonna be uncomfortable. No. No. Gonna nip this in the bud.

Starr: James! What are you doing in there? Would you just let me in?

James: No. I'm busy. Oh, by the way, your closet should have its own zip code.

Starr: My closet? What are you doing in my closet?

James: I'm looking for something to wear. Do you mind?

Starr: James, you're really starting to freak me out. Let me see.

James: Aloha.

Starr: What is this?

James: This is the beach vacation you should've had this summer and never got.

Langston: So how long has James been here?

Blair: Well, I haven't actually timed him, but I think it's a good sign that he's still here and she hasn't kicked him out. I think he's actually making her feel better.

Langston: And he cares about her a lot.

Blair: I think he might be one of the good guys, a complete opposite of his brother.

Langston: Ford can be a good guy, too. He helped out when Starr was missing.

Blair: Oh, come on. He made a minor contribution. It doesn't change who he is.

Langston: You don't know him like I do.

Blair: I know he lies. I know he cheats, and I know he uses people, female people. One of them happens to be sitting right across from me right now.

Langston: That was a long time ago, and I'm trying to get past that, okay?

Blair: You're scaring me.

Langston: Well, there's nothing to be scared of. Ford and I have talked, and I'm giving him another shot.

Ford: Get home safe.

Blanca: Thank you.

Eddie: Ah...

Ford: No return engagements, not her or any other in-home entertainment. Are we clear?

Eddie: Yeah, but, boy, you don't know what you were missing. Should've asked her to stick around.

Ford: No, thanks. I'm not into paying for it.

Eddie: Well, you never had to, boy--I'll give you that--but, Bobby, what's up? Ever since I got here, this place is like a monastery.

Ford: I told you. I didn't want cops down here.

Eddie: Oh, right. Right, but what about the babes you don't have to pay for? You always used to bring them home, show them off. What has happened to you?

Ford: Maybe I grew up.

Eddie: Oh, or maybe one of them got to you, huh? Is that what happened? You saving yourself for a little miss right?

Rex: You think Charlie is my father? You didn't say anything.

Charlie: Look. We wanted some kind of proof first.

Rex: You got nothing to add?

Echo: I told you, it's complicated.

Charlie: Echo and I crossed paths years ago in Atlantic City. We drank a lot of booze. We played a lot of ponies...

Dorian: Apparently, that's not all you played.

Charlie: And then we said good-bye, okay, and I never saw her again until she came back here to Llanview. Now, if I am, in fact, the guy who got her pregnant, she never said anything to me about it, and it was just a couple of days that Viki and I started wondering. I mean, the timing is right, but--

Rex: I keep thinking back to when Roxy asked you to pretend to be my father.

Rex: So what proof is there, anyway? That necklace could be a copy, and who knows what you did after you and Charlie had your little fling? You're telling me you never had eyes for another man?

Viki: Okay, Rex. Yes. There are a lot of unanswered questions, but you should know that we do have another piece of this puzzle.

Rex: What?

Viki: The speeding ticket, the one that you found. Echo got that ticket here in Llanview on the exact same day that you were left at the hospital.

Charlie: And that was just a little less than a year after Echo and I split up.

Nora: Wow. Okay. Well, it all seems to fit, but actually, Echo is the only one that knows for sure, and--come on--Rex has waited long enough to hear this.

Echo: You're right. Rex, Charlie is your father.

Kelly: Joey, hi. I wanted to tell you please don't feel like you need to call me back. I left a message that probably sounded strange. I think that's because I really didn't have anything to say. I mean, I don't even know why I called. So, like I said, no need to call me back unless you want to sometime, you know, down the line, whenever, or not. Okay. Miss you. Bye. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's better. That's better, right?

Blair: Langston, you know that that's a train wreck waiting to happen.

Langston: Could you just listen for a second, please? You're just as bad as Dorian.

Blair: Why? What'd she do?

Langston: Ford and I were talking at the party, just talking, and Dorian comes over and orders Ford to leave. Why would she do that?

Blair: Because you're her daughter. She did what any mother would do, Langston.

Langston: Oh, okay. I know that Dorian loves me--I do--but she can't start telling Ford what I think and what I want without ever once asking me.

Blair: Well, you know, Dorian. She's not too good at asking. It's more about telling.

Langston: Yeah, but I'm too old for that. I have a mind of my own. I've learned from my experiences, and so has Ford. He wants to do things differently this time--no games, no sneaking around--so we're gonna try it again and see what happens. What? What? Go ahead. Say it.

Blair: Nothing.

Langston: No, no, no. I know that you have something to say, so just go ahead and say it.

Blair: All right. Good luck.

Eddie: Well, [Burp] I never thought I'd see the day Bobby Ford would get his own little ball and chain. What's her name?

Ford: None of your business.

Eddie: Yeah, but she's hot, right? You always get them when they're hot.

Ford: What do you want? A number from one to 10?

Eddie: I already know what she looks like. She's tall, she's skinny, she's got dark brown hair, legs up to--

Ford: She is not a piece of meat.

Eddie: Whoa, boy, she has got you whipped. I cannot wait to see this one. Yeah, and see what all this fuss is about.

Ford: That's not gonna happen, Dad, because you're not going near her, ever.

Eddie: Why? You're afraid she'll dump you for a real man? Just kidding, Bobby. You know I'd never go there. You want to get serious and settle down, I wish you luck, lots of it, 'cause you're gonna need it.

Starr: There is no way that you found this in my closet.

James: It was in a box marked "River" in the room next door. Welcome to Starr beach. Ha ha!

Starr: Starr beach, huh? That has a nice ring to it. Hope would love this.

James: Oh, would she love to hear the sound of the ocean? Close your eyes. Close your eyes.

Starr: I can almost smell the salt in the air.

James: Yeah. Oh, here. You need these, too, because the sun is so bright tonight.

Starr: What?

James: My gosh. A little bit of this.

Starr: Stop!

James: Hold on. I don't want you to get burnt. Hold on. All right, there you go.

Starr: Thank you.

James: You're welcome.

Starr: So who else knows about this Starr beach?

James: No one. That's the best part about it. It's completely private. And there's a cove full of dolphins right out there.

Starr: Dolphins? I didn't know there were any dolphins in this part of Pennsylvania.

James: I know, right? Or palm trees either, but we got a whole grove of them right over there.

Starr: Right over where?

James: Right there. Shh. Shh. All right, now it's time to relax. Let's lie down. Relax.

Starr: Okay.

James: Can't you feel the breeze blowing through the trees?

Starr: Oh, yeah, I can feel it.

James: Yeah. And can't you feel the mist of the ocean? Pretty cool, huh?

Starr: You've thought of everything.

James: This is your safe place, Starr. All your problems have to stay way up there on the mainland.

Starr: Sounds good.

James: Yeah. You can come here and stay as long as you want. So just take a deep breath, relax.

Hope on baby monitor: Daddy. Daddy.

Starr: Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Echo: I didn't want to interfere in Charlie's life, so I tried to keep the secret as long as I could, and then when I came back here and I saw you and I realized that you were my son, I knew it was time to make everything right again. It was time for you to know your father and to know me, if that's what you want.

Rex: How am I supposed to know what I want if I'm not even sure one word you've said is true?

Charlie: I feel like I should be saying something, but Rex has so much to deal with right now.

Viki: Sweetheart, he knows the kind of man you are. He will come to you when he's ready.

Bo: Looks like you got some thinking to do, huh? Listen, if you want to come back and stay at our place tonight...

Rex: No. No, I'm okay.

Nora: Are you sure? You know what? Let's get out of here. Come on. We'll take care of you. Let's go.

Rex: Not yet. I need some answers first.

Bo: So do I. Hey, um, Clint, something doesn't add up.

Clint: What do you mean?

Bo: Well, we've all heard a lot of assumptions here tonight, but Charlie is not the only person in this room that could be Balsom's father. What about you, Clint?

Rex: Whoa, whoa. Clint Buchanan is not my father.

Bo: He had a relationship with Echo. Everybody here knows that.

Rex: Right, but I'm not his son. I couldn't be.

Dorian: Rex, there are worse things than being a DiSavoy-Buchanan. You could be a DiSavoy-Laurence.

Bo: You're not helping, Dorian.

Clint: Bo, neither are you. How much have you had to drink tonight, anyway?

Bo: Are you saying it's impossible that Balsom could be your son?

Viki: No. Of course it's not impossible.

Charlie: Echo was with Clint right before she got involved with me.

Bo: And you don't deny that, do you, Echo?

Echo: No.

Nora: So you could have been pregnant already when you met Charlie.

Dorian: And we all know it wouldn't be the first time that Clint had left a woman high and dry and with his son.

Echo: Can we stop, please, with all the theories? You can now let me out from underneath the microscope. Clint has no attachment to Rex at all, and I think there's a reason for that.

Bo: Well, I do have an attachment to Balsom. He's like a son to me, and I'm not gonna stand here and watch him get jerked around all night. So explain it. If Charlie is Balsom's father, why would you bring him all the way back to Clint's hometown and dump him? There has to be an explanation for that.

Kelly: Hi, Joey. It's me again. I just wanted to make sure it didn't sound like I didn't want to talk to you, because I do. I always do but just not right now. No, you know, if I need to speak to people around here, I have friends. There are a lot of people around here, like Rex Balsom. He's a friend, although some people might think he's more than that because of the whole, you know, kissing each other and seeing each other naked thing. But they'd be wrong because that was all mostly accidental, you know, but with you, it was on purpose. It was on purpose, like when you dared me to go topless at the country club. You didn't think I'd do it, but I did. In fact, I think that's probably because it was always so easy getting naked in front of you. I'd get naked in front of you right now if you wanted me to.

Langston: Good luck? That's all you have to say to me?

Blair: Langston, you know how I feel about Ford. Listen, you're gonna do whatever you want to do, no matter what I say or no matter what I want, so why don't I just save my breath?

Langston: You don't think he could have changed?

Blair: In a few short months? No.

Langston: But it's real feelings this time, Blair. It's not just about sex this time.

Blair: I hope you're right.

Langston: But you don't think that I could be?

Blair: I think you're like every woman who believes what her man tells her because you want so desperately for it to be true. Listen to me. I've been down that road with Todd so many times, and look what it got me.

Langston: No. Ford is not Todd.

Blair: No, he's not, but he's been a player for a long time, and don't be surprised if he goes back to his old games.

Ford: Thank you for the vote of confidence.

Eddie: Well, hey, it happens to every guy sooner or later. Yeah. Some chick gets his number, and he falls for her. Just don't expect it to last.

Ford: Why not?

Eddie: Because you are not the settling-down kind, Bobby. You are the chip off the old block, and we like to play around.

Ford: I don't need to do that anymore.

Eddie: Oh, yeah? Let me see your phone.

Ford: Why?

Eddie: Oh, come on. Just hand it over. Thank you. Well, now. Abby, Amanda, Amy, Aubrey, and that's just the A's.

Ford: So I haven't had a chance to delete them yet. So what?

Eddie: So a guy with a girlfriend doesn't keep his little black book. You are in denial, son, and deep down, you are still the same player you always were.

James: Is she okay?

Starr: She keeps asking for Cole, asking when he's going to get home.

James: Yeah, well, maybe she needs a little trip to Starr beach. Hope, you want to go play with a ball? Yeah, let's go get one. Come on.

Starr: James, can you just stop? This isn't right.

James: What do you mean?

Starr: You.

James: I know. I was trying to help.

Starr: I know that you were, and you did, and it means so much to me that you wanted to help me. You just need to leave now, okay?

Bo: Why did you do that, Echo? Bring your baby back to a place he had no connection to.

Clint: Why do you think? She wanted to pass off Charlie's baby as mine because her first try to get Buchanan money went up in smoke. So she got herself knocked up.

Nora: And then came back to town with the baby and what, forgot to tell you about it?

Dorian: Yes, Clint. How do you explain that?

Clint: She lost her nerve. When she saw that Viki and I were rock-solid, she knew that her little plan would never work, so she panicked. She ran off and left the kid behind to fend for himself. Isn't that right, Echo?

Clint: Haven't you done enough damage, not only to your son, but to everyone that you've lied to over the years? For once in your life, set the record straight.

Echo: I was desperate. I thought I could get you to believe that Rex was your son.

Clint: See?

Echo: Clint's right. When I got back to town, I saw that he and Viki were stronger than ever, and I knew I couldn't break them up. From what I hear, only Viki was able to do that.

Clint: Well, it took a while, but I think we've all heard what we needed to hear. I know I'm satisfied.

Viki: Oh, I am not, not by a long shot.

Kelly: Guess who. Okay, look, just a little clarification, okay? I got a little off track with that whole naked thing, but all I was trying to say is that it was just so much fun, Joey. It was so much fun, you know, just getting naked together, you know? And playing truth or dare with you, rehearsing "Midsummer Night's Dream" with you. We didn't have to analyze everything. We just did it. There was no drama, no drama. All right, maybe there was a little drama towards the end, but for the most part, we were connected, you know? I could act like a total goof around you and never even get self-conscious. You could see through my craziness, and I would never even feel judged. It was great. Joey, I loved it. I I still do.

Ford: Think whatever you want. You don't know me.

Eddie: What? Of course I know you. You are that son.

Ford: No. No, you have a vague memory of the son that I used to be. You have no idea who I am now. It doesn't matter because I don't have anything to prove to you.

Eddie: Maybe not, but you got something to prove to girlfriend, don't you? You have a history to live down, my son, and she's gonna have to know about it.

Ford: She knows. She's going into this whole thing with her eyes open.

Eddie: Then she'll be the first one to see when your halo slips. But don't you worry. When that day comes, I'll have Bashtanka's number ready and waiting.

Clint: Viki, what's the matter? We finally got the real story, and we got it from Echo.

Viki: And that alone should give you pause. She said a lot of things all those years ago. Very little of it resembled the truth.

Dorian: Score one for you, Viki.

Bo: This isn't a tennis match.

Dorian: No, it's not. It's far more interesting.

Rex: No, this is my life, and I'm not just here to liven up the party for you, for you.

Echo: If you think I'm enjoying even one moment of this, you couldn't be more wrong.

Viki: Then why have you been perpetuating it? Why did you go to all that trouble, all those lengths, to hide the truth? I mean, you forged letters. You send Rex off on some wild-goose chase to find parents who don't even exist. That is cruel, and that is why I see absolutely no reason to believe you regarding who Rex's father is. I think there's only one way to settle it.

Clint: And what's that?

Viki: A DNA test.

Echo: Charlie is Rex's father. We don't need a DNA test.

Viki: We do if we don't believe you.

Nora: Bo can arrange to use the DNA lab at the hospital. That's where the department gets all their work done.

Bo: You got it, and I'll put a rush on it.

Charlie: I think it's a great idea.

Bo: There's only one opinion that counts here now, and that's yours, Balsom.

Rex: I just want this over with.

Nora: Okay. Well, providing that we have Echo's cooperation.

Echo: I want it over with, too, for Rex's sake.

Bo: Then I will call the lab, and we'll get this all settled tomorrow. And you're finally gonna get your answer, Balsom.

Eddie: Well, you're home early. Guess we know what that means.

James: What?

Eddie: You struck out.

James: Oh, just leave me alone.

Eddie: Don't feel bad, baby. Your brother didn't get any either. I'm the only Ford who got lucky tonight.

James: Am I supposed to care?

Eddie: Oh, don't give up. You put your mind to it, there isn't anything you can't make happen. You can get the girl, you can get me my money back, and we can all live happily ever after.

Starr: Here. Why don't you look at a picture of daddy, okay? I miss him, too, honey. I miss him so much. But you know what? We're gonna make it, you and me, okay? And we're gonna do it on our own. We have to.

Blair: What the hell happened to you? You look like you went through a hurricane.

Kelly: Take this.

Blair: Your phone?

Kelly: Do not give this back to me. No matter what I say, do not give that back to me. I cannot be trusted with it for any reason! Unless Joey calls.

Dorian: Oh, by the way, what time tomorrow morning is the DNA testing going to take place?

Viki: You're not invited, Madam Mayor.

Dorian: Oh, too bad. Courage, Charles. And best of luck to the both of you, mes amis. Ah, I can't wait to hear who wins the Rex sweepstakes.

Bo: Clint, see you in the morning, right?

Clint: Do I have a choice?

Nora: Come on. Let's go home.

Rex: Thanks.

Charlie: Rex, Rex. We should have come to you earlier, as soon as we started having suspicions. I'm sorry that we didn't.

Rex: Me, too.

Echo: You happy now?

Charlie: Come on. Let's go.

Clint: I warned you not to open your mouth.

Echo: You know what, Clint? It's done now. It's over. And you can't do anything about it. And once those DNA tests come back, it'll prove that Rex is our son.

Clint: I'm gonna make you regret this.

Echo: You couldn't make me feel any worse than I already do. But at least I have the decency to claim my son.

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