One Life to Live Transcript Monday 6/7/10


Episode # 10705

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Kathy

Bo: After all of this -- Rain, wildlife, tomato juice baths, everything but a plague of locusts, now we find out we don't even have a preacher!

Charlie: Okay, just don't panic.

Bo: Or a rabbi either, when you think about it.

Charlie: I'm sure we'll think of something.

Bo: Well, then, what? How? My bride will be here in just a couple of minutes, and we don't even have anybody to perform the ceremony!

David: How about me?

Bo: This is no time for jokes, David.

David: Who's joking? I happen to be an ordained minister.

Bo: The Buddhists ordained you?

David: No, no, no. The scientologists, when I was out in L.A. doing my acting. I just couldn't resist those thetans.

Rex: Why would they ordain you?

David: Somebody had to marry Tom and Katie. So, what do you say, Pa? Will I marry you?

Nora: I mean, what happened to the nor'easter to end all nor'easters?

Viki: Things change.

Nora: But the rain and the gale force winds?

Viki: Changed their minds.

Nora: Is that a rainbow? All we need are bluebirds.

Viki: Ha ha! I think that someone up there finally figured out that you are remarrying Bo today.

Nora: Oh, I don't know about that.

Viki: Are you kidding? What about all the miracles we witnessed here today?

Nora: Oh, Viki, they haven't exactly been miracles.

Viki: Your sight was restored.

Nora: I wasn't exactly blind.

Viki: You can walk.

Nora: Or lame.

Viki: Your tooth?

Nora: Well...

Viki: You can't even tell that it was broken.

Nora: Yeah, you know, never underestimate the powers of postgraduate education.

Viki: Nora, your hair was green!

Nora: Oh, yeah, Roxy did say something about raising it up to the hair gods.

Viki: Not to mention the fact that the dress that you wore to your first wedding with Bo still fits.

Nora: Now, there's your miracle.

Viki: Hello. What did I tell you?

Nora: Yeah, maybe somebody is watching out for me and Bo. But he certainly had a lot of help from you and the girls.

Viki: Well, we're not done yet, okay?

Nora: Okay.

Viki: We still have to get you to the church because Andrew and Rabbi Heller are waiting to marry you.

Nora: To marry us. Yippee!

[Mouths "thank you"]

David: Please, Pa, let me marry you.

Bo: Uh, I don't think Nora would like this.

David: Oh, come on. Ma loves me like a son. Besides, who's gonna do the ceremony? Little Richard?

Bo: I think I still have his number somewhere.

David: Well, of course you do, but you're aware he's still recovering from hip surgery.

Bo: Tsk.

David: I know people. So I may not be Little Richard, but I can do this. Legally! I want to do this. You brought me into this world. This is the least I can do in return.

Bo: You're really a minister?

David: Well, I quit the Scientologists when I left Los Angeles. Creative differences. But I was recently ordained online in London. Here. I have proof. There you go.


David: Mm-hmm. Oh. Sorry. Wrong card. I am an official member of the BMOC.

Charlie: BMOC?

David: British Ministers Ordained in Cyberspace. I'm still waiting on my Union Jack Bible cover.

Bo: Oh, God. Um... all right, let's do this.

David: For real?

Bo: Well, like you say, what choice do we have, huh?

David: All right, I'll go change.

Bo: Hey, David? David! No orange robe.

Rex: You sure about him?

John: This is gonna's gonna be fine.

Bo: Please, Lord, don't let me regret this.

[Music playing]

Blair: I feel I'm finally finished runnin' and ended all this wasted time for you have shown me what I've searched for always has been mine and would it be too much to ask to have this moment last whatever they want to say it's all right with me whenever I hear them doubt it's just fine 'cause always fallin' apart until you touched my heart and showed what's been there from the start it's simply love simply love simply love

Bo: Nice dress.

Nora: Oh, this old thing? You look pretty good yourself.

Bo: Yeah, second time's the charm. I can't keep this thing buttoned.

Nora: [Giggles] Uh, Bo... where's Rabbi Heller and Andrew?

Bo: Uh... there's been a slight change of plans.

Nora: Oh, what do you mean?

David: Ah. Namaste.

Nora: Namaste. Bo. What's going on?

Bo: David, what did I tell you?

David: No orange robe. You were very clear about that. As you can see, this is not an orange robe.

Bo: Whoof! What is it?

David: The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Apparently St. James is doing a production this summer. It's nice, right?

Nora: Bo, what's going on?

Bo: I'm sorry, Red, but Andrew, Rabbi Heller--neither one of them can make it.

Nora: And David?

Bo: Well, as it turns out, David here, he's an ordained minister.

Nora: David?

Bo: Yeah. And when he asked me if he could marry us, I said sure.

Nora: David.

Bo: Only if it's okay with you.

Nora: Is it legal?

David: Good for all marriages in the U.K., the U.S., and American Samoa.

Bo: Hey. See?

David: Shall I begin?

Bo: Just make sure that you stick to the ceremony.

David: Absolutely. No worries. Ladies, please be seated. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join [Insert names] in ho--" oh! To join my Pa Bo Buchanan and his lovely ex-wife Nora Hanen Gannon Buchanan Hanen Buchanan Buchanan. If you're thinking Colson, you're wrong. That marriage was annulled.

Bo: David. David.

David: What?

[People chuckling]

Bo: Just move it along.

David: I'm trying to do this the right way.

Nora: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

David: "If anyone knows any reason why these two should not be joined together, let him speak now or forever hold their peace."

Nora: Okay.

[Loud crash]

Woman: Oh! [Screams]

Natalie: Dad, dad.

Jessica: Dad.

Natalie: What are you doing?

Jessica: Stop. Dad.

Kelly: Get down. What, 2 guns are better than one?

Shaun: In this situation? Hell, yeah.

Nora: Clint, for God's sake, please put the gun down.

Clint: I'll do no such thing.

Nora: Ohh!

Bo: I thought you said you forgave us.

Clint: What?

Nora: That you'd gotten past all of this.

Clint: I'm not gonna shoot you.

Bo: You're not?

Clint: I'm gonna shoot Vickers!

David: Me? Why me?

Clint: Because you told my wife and made her break up with me.

David: Oh, please. You can't make a Vegas stripper do anything.

Clint: Oh, don't you call her that. Nevil. He told Nigel, and then Nigel turned around and he told me that you got some dirt on Kimberly and that's why she left me high and dry.

David: You should keep Nevil out of the sherry.

Bo: Is this true, David?

David: Pa, you believe a man who brought a shotgun to your wedding over your own son?

Nora: Okay, you're not answering the question now.

David: Fine. I did or did not do what I may or may not have done out of love for the Buchanan family.

Clint: Say that again, Vickeroshi.

Viki: Clint, Clint. Clint. Look, I know that you've been through a very rough time.

Clint: Viki, stay out of this.

Viki: No, I'm not going to. Okay? And I know that it hurts you to see other people happy, okay, but you don't want to do this. Not now.

David: Not now?

Bo: David.

Viki: Clint, this is your brother's wedding.

Clint: Sorry I spoiled your wedding.

Bo: No, no, it's all right.

Clint: No, it's not, Bo. So I'll just go.

Nora: Clint, Clint, Clint.

Bo: Hey, Clint. Stay.

David: Excuse me. Did you just tell him to stay?

Nora: Shut up, David!

Bo: Put a lid on it!

Nora: Only if you want to.

Clint: I do. Thank you.

John: Would you let me take that?

[Clint speaks indistinctly]

Darren: These people always this crazy?

Destiny: You ain't seen nothin' yet.

Natalie: Oh!

Jessica: Is that bourbon?

Clint: Probably so.

Eli: Well, that was interesting.

Blair: Well, at least this time it wasn't me.

David: Pa and Nora, it was destiny that originally brought you together. Not you.

Destiny: Jackass.

David: But it's love that has now brought you back together. And now for a reading on this subject, Jessica Brennan and Natalie Banks, your twin nieces. Fraternal.

Jessica: "If I speak in tongues of men and angels but have not love, I am like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal."

Natalie: "Love is long-suffering and kind. Love does not envy. Love does not make a vain display of itself."

Jessica: "And does not boast and does not behave itself unseemly."

Natalie: "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Jessica: "Love never fails. And now abide faith, hope, and love. These three."

Natalie: "But the greatest of these is love."

David: And now Pa and Nora would like to recite their own vows.

Nora: I spent a lot of time trying to come up with the perfect thing to say to you.

Bo: Aw.

Nora: I'm a very analytical person. I like to analyze things, if you hadn't noticed. I can't help it. I'm a lawyer. And so I don't believe in unnecessary risks. And love has always seemed like a really big one to me. And then I found you. And I threw caution to the wind. You took me dancing and fishing and a million other places that I never dreamed that I would go. And the whole time, you taught me not to be afraid of looking silly or falling down or hurting myself, because those things weren't so bad, not nearly as bad as living my life without joy. And that's what you have given me, Bo. You've given me endless joy. Every day. I now know that the really big risk in life is living without you, and that's a risk I never want to take.

Bo: You know--ahem--when I was growing up, I was restless, you know. I just couldn't wait to get away from home, go anywhere, do anything. You know, just get as far away from... as possible. And I did. Brought me all the way here to Llanview, Pennsylvania. And that's where I met you. All of a sudden, I found I was exactly in the spot where I was supposed to be. With you. And you know, we hit that little bump in the road.

Nora: Mmm.

Bo: Yeah. But you know, the whole time we were apart, all of a sudden I realized I was restless again. And even though I didn't really go anywhere, I just felt like I was right back on that road again, and now I know why. Because you're my home. You always have been. And now I want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you've made me.

Nora: Oh, Bo.

David: Yo, little bro. Bring the bling.

Bo: With this ring, I thee wed.

Nora: With this ring, I thee wed.

David: Ow. And so, by the power vested in me by Andrew Lloyd Webber and the BMOC, I now pronounce you husband and wife. What David Vickers Buchanan has brought together, let no man put asunder.

Bo: Ho ho.

David: Pa, you can kiss your bride.

Bo: Oh, thank you.



[Glass breaks]

Woman: Oh!



David: Mazel tov!


[Organ playing recessional]

Rex: Bo and Nora looked pretty great up there.

Gigi: It must have been just like being at their first wedding.

Rex: That probably went a little smoother.

Gigi: Probably. At least they got a do-over.

Rex: Yeah, good thing. Give you a ride to the reception?

Gigi: I'd like that.

Blair: Wow, what a shocker. That was actually a lovely ceremony.

Eli: It was thanks to your lovely voice.

Blair: Well, I was saving everyone from Kelly's awful voice.

Eli: Blair, just for today, why don't you forget about Kelly?

Blair: Well, what do you want me to think about instead?

Eli: How about us?

David: So, what did you think about my ceremony?

Kelly: I especially enjoyed the part where you were almost shot.

David: I thought we were friends.

Kelly: Which is why I have to ask you, how could you do that to Clint?

David: You believe the help over a blood relative?

Kelly: We are not blood related. Okay? And if that were true, I would think you would want to change into something a little less loud.

David: Oh, come on. Clint's already forgotten about this whole thing.

Kelly: Clint never forgets. He inherited his taste for revenge from Asa.

Viki: Hey. Are you all right?

Clint: Aside from feeling like a damn fool, you mean?

Viki: Oh, stop. Are you absolutely certain that David was responsible for the breakup of your marriage to Kim?

Clint: Nevil is many, many things, but one thing he's not is a liar.

Viki: Have you spoken to Kim?

Clint: I can't find her. Lord knows, I've tried, but I can't find her, Viki.

Viki: I'm really sorry.

Clint: Well, I guess I'm the one that owes Nora and Bo a big apology.

Viki: No, you don't. Besides, I don't think they're terribly concerned right now.

Clint: But I think I'll wait till they get to the champagne part.

Viki: You're going to the reception?

Clint: Mm-hmm. You don't think I should?

Viki: Oh, no, no, no. That's your decision completely. But if you do, no guns, hmm?

Matthew: You want to head over to the reception? I got my toast all ready.

Dani: Well, actually, could we stay here a minute? I need to talk to you.

Matthew: About what?

Viki: Excuse me. May I have everyone's attention, please? I would like to welcome everyone to this wonderful celebration. And--short speech-- now I take great pleasure in presenting to you for the very second time, Mr. and Mrs. Bo Buchanan!

[Cheering and applause]

["Hold on, I'm coming" playing]

Woman: Whoo!

Sam and Dave: Well, don't you ever be sad lean on me when times are bad when the day comes and you're in doubt in a river of trouble about to drown hold on I'm coming hold on, I'm coming I'm on my way your lover when you get cold, yeah I'll be your cover don't have to worry because I'm here don't need to suffer, baby 'cause I'm here hold on...

[Music ends]


Viki: And now I would like to invite everyone to join Bo and Nora on the dance floor.

["Reunited" playing]

David: Viki?

Viki: David?

David: They're playing our song.

Charlie: Actually, I think this is our song.

Peaches and Herb: I was a fool to ever leave your side...

Jessica: Thank you for taking care of my dad earlier.

Brody: All in a day's work.

Jessica: Yeah, but what you've been through for the past few months, I wouldn't blame you if you ran screaming in the other direction or into the arms of another woman. Hee hee!

Peaches and Herb: 'Cause I want you bad hey, hey...

Natalie: Thank you for dancing with me. I know it must be torture.

John: Are you kidding? I love Peaches and Herb.

Natalie: Really? Do you?

John: Yeah. In fact, I'm not sure which one I love more-- Peaches or Herb.

Natalie: Ha! It's hard to choose.

John: I choose you.

Peaches and Herb: Our quarrel was such a way of learning so much...

Charlie: Well, congratulations, you two.

Bo: Thank you. Hey, what's next?

Viki: Actually, it's the best man's toast.

Nora: Oh. Where is Matthew?

Bo: I don't know.

Charlie: Oh, last time I checked, he was at the church talking with Danielle.

Matthew: So, what did you want to talk to me about?

Dani: Maybe we should sit down a minute.

Matthew: Wait. We should head over to the reception. You did hear Darren challenge us to a dance-off, right? What's wrong? Tell me.

Dani: You know how much you mean to me, right?

Matthew: I guess.

Dani: Oh, come on. You busted me out of Warwick.

Matthew: Yeah, that was pretty crazy. Taking a plane all the way to Seattle.

Dani: And that night, I knew we'd be friends for life.

Matthew: Friends?

Dani: I'm not ready to have a boyfriend.

Matthew: Is this because of what I said to you at prom?

Dani: No, no.

Matthew: Look, just forget it!

Dani: Well, I can't! You said you loved me.

Matthew: I didn't mean it--

Dani: Yes, you did. But the truth is, I don't... I don't think I know what love is.

Matthew: Why don't you tell me what this is really about?

Nora: So Matthew's still at the church.

Bo: Haven't seen him since we got here.

David: May I cut in?

Charlie: No, you may not.

David: Seriously, how selfish can you be?

Nora: David.

David: Yes, Mom?

Nora: Okay, you don't call me... have you seen Matthew? It's time for the best man toast.

David: Oh, that little rascal.

Nora: What does that mean?

David: Well, apparently Matthew has snuck off for a little sumpin' sumpin' with Viki's niece.

Viki: Why don't we just wait for a few minutes? Okay?

David: I don't know. Buchanan men are known for their stamina. This could take a while.

Nora: Okay, I'm gonna go look for him over here.

Rex: What's going on?

David: The best man is out sowing his oats instead of making his toast.

Rex: I can do it.

David: I was just about to offer.

Rex: You performed the ceremony.

David: Exactly. So why get in the way of my flow? Besides, he's my Pa, not yours.

Bo: David. You did just a bang-up job on the ceremony.

David: Did I? I did. I did.

Bo: Yeah, but now I want to share with you something that my Pa told me when he was teaching me how to play poker.

David: Ah! Poker advice from Asa Buchanan. A rite of passage.

Bo: Yeah, yeah. See, what he told me was that you always quit while you're ahead.

David: Got it. Rex, you should make the toast.

Rex: You sure?

David: Absolutely. You want to borrow the Dreamcoat?

Rex: That's okay. Thanks.

Natalie: Thank you for that.

John: Anytime.

Natalie: So, what are you gonna do if they play "Muskrat Love"?

John: I'll get some drinks.

Natalie: Okay.

Brody: I've been waiting all day to talk to you without getting interrupted.

Natalie: About what happened the other night?

Brody: Do we tell John and Jess that we slept together?

Jessica: Hey.

John: Hey.

Jessica: I've been meaning to thank you for...

John: Natalie covered it.

Jessica: Okay. Well, she's lucky that you're her date.

John: So is Brody.

Jessica: Where are those two anyway?

Brody: I don't want to lie to John and Jess, but the thought of telling them we got drunk and slept together?

Natalie: Yeah. We both know it didn't mean anything.

Brody: Maybe it's better not to tell them anything. Are you gonna be okay with this?

Natalie: I don't know. I mean, I'm sure that it's the right thing to do. I-- okay. So we're agreed. This is between us.

Brody: It will be our secret.

Jessica: Hey!

John: Hey.

Jessica: There you guys are.

Natalie: Oh, thank you.

Jessica: What kind of secret deal were you two making over here?

Brody: Secret deal?

Natalie: Oh, we were just agreeing that we were gonna keep an eye on Dad.

Brody: He was a little wobbly before.

Jessica: Oh, that's okay. He's left.

John: Your dad went home, so I think you're off the hook.

Natalie: Ah.

Jessica: But let's get you some champagne. Rex is gonna make a toast soon.

Viki: Okay, and now standing in for best man Matthew Buchanan is another best man--Rex Balsom.

Rex: Thank you, Viki. Well, I could never take the place of Bo's son.

David: Got that right.

Rex: Not long ago, I found out that I'm not who I thought I was, that my parents weren't who I thought they were, and I've been searching for my biological parents ever since. But today, seeing Bo, how much he loves Nora, and everybody here in his family, made me realize that I can stop looking, 'cause Bo's the only dad I'll ever need.

Nora: Oh.

Rex: So here's to Bo and Nora. May they have a long, happy life together, and may the rest of us be so lucky to be with the one we love.

Nora: Beautiful.

[Guests saying "cheers"]

Rex: Congratulations, Commissioner.

Bo: I love you, Balsom.

Rex: You, too, Bo.

David: Eh, I give the speech a 7.5. I took off points for split infinitives and dangling participles.

Bo: Well, that's only fair.

David: I guess it could have been worse. At least he didn't say "between you and I." I hate it when people use the reflexive form of "I" when it's the object of a preposition. Don't you, Pa?

Bo: Yeah, yeah, but maybe there's hope for Balsom yet.

David: Eh, maybe.

Bo: David. Thanks for letting him make the toast.

David: He's like a son to you.

Bo: Yeah. Yeah, he is. And so are you.

David: You don't have to say that.

Bo: Ah, I know.

Matthew: You think I'm buying that you're not ready to have a boyfriend, that you don't know what love is?

Dani: It's true.

Matthew: Why don't you ask Nate Salinger?

Dani: Excuse me?

Matthew: You want to be with him instead of me, don't you? Just admit it!

Dani: Nate and I are friends!

Matthew: Then why did you kiss him?

Dani: What?

Matthew: You told me that you kissed him in the park.

Dani: Yes, I did.

Matthew: You said it didn't mean anything.

Dani: I know.

Matthew: Well, I'm guessing it did mean something, didn't it?

Dani: I don't know.

[Matthew scoffs]

Dani: No, please! I wish I could say something else. I wish I could say that I love you, too, and that I'm feeling everything you feel, that I can be your girlfriend. But I can't! I just can't!

Matthew: Great.

Dani: Matthew, please. You mean so much to me.

Matthew: Oh, what, 'cause I busted you out of Warwick?

Dani: Well, you saved me. I'd probably still be stuck there if it weren't for you.

Matthew: Why don't you go back?

Dani: Matthew, just listen!

Matthew: No! I can't! I have to go to the reception.


Nora: Yeah.

Bo: How big a piece you want?

Nora: Is that a trick question?

Bo: Oh ho ho!

Nora: Oh. Ooh, perfect, perfect. There you go. You can have all the frosting.

Bo: Ah, I knew there was a reason that I married you.

Nora: Ha ha!

Viki: Okay, we need all the single ladies of Llanview. Time for Nora to throw the bouquet.

Nora: All right, you ready, girls?

Girls: Mm-hmm.

Nora: Go long.

Kelly: Oh!

Destiny: Ah!

[Music playing]

Nora: Careful.

Bo: This isn't the first time I've done this.

Nora: It is since you got shot. Oh ho ho!

Bo: All right, guys. Let's show the ladies how it's done.

Kelly: Oh!

Destiny: You better be careful.

Darren: I haven't been shot.

Shaun: Not yet.

[Music playing]

Kelly: David. I need your help.

David: Well, look who's happy I didn't get shot after all.

Kelly: I suppose.

David: Good night.

Kelly: Ah, ah, ah. Come on. I am very grateful that you didn't get shot. You were fabulous.

David: That's better. Now, how can I be of service?

Kelly: Reed and I would like to go upstairs for a nightcap.

David: I don't do threesomes.

Kelly: Really? Since when?

David: Prague. '97.

Kelly: All I need you to do is make sure that Shaun doesn't follow us upstairs. Okay? Can you do that?

David: I'm on it, but you owe me.

Kelly: Okay.

Destiny: Hey.

Matthew: Hey.

Destiny: You okay?

Matthew: Dani just dumped me.

Destiny: It's her loss.

Matthew: Maybe I got what I deserved.

Destiny: Why would you say that?

Matthew: She doesn't want to have a boyfriend. She just wants us to be friends.

Destiny: So?

Matthew: Des, I said the same thing to you. I am so sorry.

Destiny: Ain't no thang.

Darren: Baby. You gonna let me do all the work out there by myself? Hey, Matt.

Matthew: Hey.

Darren: Let's show these people how it's done.

Destiny: Darren, I can't right now.

Matthew: Yes, you can.

Destiny: What?

Matthew: I'm okay.

Destiny: You sure?

Matthew: Go show us how it's done.

[Music playing]

David: Shaun, my good man. I understand you have a fair amount of expertise with the female form.

[Crowd whistling and cheering]

["Hava Nagila" playing]

Nora: Oh! Ha! It's high up here! Oh, my!

Shaun: Hey, excuse me, guys. Have you seen Kelly?

Eli: Uh, no.

Blair: Sorry, but it's not like we're looking either, so...

Shaun: Thanks.

Eli: So, do you wanna go upstairs and continue not looking?

Blair: Oh, whatever you say. Think so. Let's go.

David: Hey, Viki. Get that funky booty of yours up here. There's plenty of room.

Viki: Ha ha!

Brody: You ready to hit the road?

Jessica: You want to go home?

Brody: Not exactly. I have a little surprise for you.

Jessica: What kind of surprise?

Brody: Follow me.

Jessica: Oh, wait. I just want to say good-bye to Natalie.

Brody: Maybe she and John want to be alone.

Jessica: I think you're right. Thanks.

John: What?

Natalie: Nothing. It's just everything that's happened today, you know--my dad, David, and Bo and Nora finally getting married. It's just hard to believe all of it happened.

John: Oh, it happened.

Natalie: And you. Holding me like this again. It's's really weird.

John: Good weird or bad weird?

Natalie: Definitely good weird.

John: I can live with good weird.

Natalie: Yeah, me, too.

John: Let's get out of here.

Natalie: Okay.

Nora: Oh, there you are.

Matthew: Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

Bo: We missed you, boy.

Matthew: Sorry about that.

Nora: Come on, you don't have to apologize. A little birdie told us that you might have been spending a little Dani time.

Bo: Is everything all right?

Matthew: Yeah, yeah. I'm just upset I didn't get to make my toast.

Bo: Ah, don't worry about it.

Nora: Maybe next time. Ha ha ha! I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Kidding. Ha ha!

Matthew: Ah, well, here is to the best dad in the world and the best mom and best parents in the world a guy could ask for. I'm really glad you guys got back together, not just for me but for you guys. I hope you have a great time on your honeymoon.

Nora: Oh! That's so sweet. Thank you.

Bo: You are the best son that we could ever ask for.

Matthew: If you don't mind, I'm just...

Nora: Dani awaits?

Matthew: Something like that.

Nora: How did we get so lucky?

Bo: I don't know, Red, but we sure did.

Nora: I love you, Bo Buchanan.

Bo: Well, I love you, Mrs. Buchanan.

Nora: I like the sound of that.

Bo: Yeah.

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