One Life to Live Transcript Friday 10/2/09


Episode # 10536 ~ Exes and Oh's!

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Kathy

Todd: Ahh. You know, as much as I enjoy the cabana, there's really nothing like home for the honeymoon.

Téa: [Chuckles]

Todd: What's that?

Téa: Oh, just payment for a case I won. What's that?

Todd: It's a little something for the woman I love.

Téa: Oh, ha ha! Uh...ahem.

Blair: Well, thank you for breakfast, lunch. I don't even know what time it is.

Ross: It's late.

Blair: Yeah, too late, but thanks for the aspirin. I think it actually made this headache bearable.

Ross: What about the broken heart?

Blair: You know, I don't even know if it was a broken heart. It's more maybe it's my ego, Todd would actually marry that barracuda, but he did, didn't he?

Ross: So, you gonna live and let live, or are you gonna tell Todd that his brand-new wife is still married to me?

Dorian: Ross Rayburn, you rock! Ha ha ha!

David: Talking to yourself again?

Dorian: Well... [Clears throat] Rayburn whisked Blair away, and now... ta-da- Todd has married Téa.

David: So, you're happy?

Dorian: Ha ha! Overjoyed.

David: Keep that in mind when you turn to page 3.

Dorian: Page 3?

David: Hmm.

Dorian: Okay. [Gasps] Oh! How dare he use that shot? And...the headline-- "Banks lords it over Cramer in latest polls"? Huh.

Charlie: Viki?

Viki: What?

Charlie: Oh, you got to see this. The "Sun's" latest poll has you way out front, says it's in the bag. You're the next mayor.

Viki: Charlie, that's my brother's newspaper.

Charlie: Well, and what's that worth--5 points, maybe 10, hmm? Okay. You're ahead by 25 points.

Viki: Well, that's great. That's great, but if you think Dorian is going down without a fight, you have to think again.

David: Ow! What? What did I do?

Dorian: Nothing! Absolutely nothing. That's my point. You have done nothing. You are my campaign manager. You have done nothing to prevent this latest humiliation.

David: Well, what would you like me to do?

Dorian: Okay. You are Viki's best friend, or at least you're always telling me that. You go to that overstarched, dismal kitchen of hers, find out what she's got that I haven't got, and then steal it.

David: Oh, Dorian, you're not interested in Charlie Banks, are you? The man wears khakis, for God's sake.

Dorian: Go.

David: Right. Hey... how do I look?

Dorian: Like my soon-to-be ex-campaign manager.

[Doorbell rings]

Charlie: Okay. Well, all I'm saying is, you just keep doing what you're doing, and you're gonna be the next mayor. Yeah?

Nick: Nick Chavez, Mr. Banks.

Charlie: Oh, uh--

Nick: I know I'm a little bit early, but--

Charlie: No. Come on in, Nick.

Nick: Thanks. Thank you so much for setting up this meeting.

Charlie: Yeah. No problem. Viki, this is Nick Chavez. He's with the--

Viki: From the Llanview Gay and Lesbian Alliance. Yes. I'm delighted you're here. I was looking forward to meeting with someone from your organization.

Nick: Well, I hope this means we can count on your support for our same-sex marriage initiative.

Oliver: Look. Saying sorry, it doesn't quite cover it.

Kyle: You're not sorry?

Oliver: No. I am... about a lot of things, mostly losing you. I still care about you, Kyle.

Natalie: Are you sure you have never seen him before?

Jared: Yes.

Natalie: If he works at B.E., he could be a recent hire.

Jared: I haven't seen this guy, okay? What?

Natalie: Nothing. I was just wondering how long it was gonna take for John to get to you.

John: So, according to these records, Jared and our alleged stalker were in the same facility...

Brody: At the same time. So, Jared was lying. He's got to know the guy who attacked him. 

Natalie: We've all been under a lot of stress...

Jared: I'm sorry I snapped at you.

Natalie: But I know John better than anyone...

Jared: I'm aware of that.

Natalie: And he's like a bloodhound. There is no dragging him off a scent.

Jared: What scent?

Natalie: Okay. No. You're right. You're right. He is gonna figure out that you have nothing to do with this, that you've never seen that guy before.

Jared: Wish to hell I had and I knew where he was now.

John: All we really know is, Jared and this guy were in the general population of the same prison at the same time, but that place houses over 2,000 convicts.

Brody: And they never cross paths? Think that's possible?

John: Anything is possible.

Jared: I would give anything to I.D. this guy. Natalie, you believe me, don't you?

Brody: All right. Maybe Jared set this guy off while they were inside. Now it's payback time.

John: Maybe.

Brody: So, do we tell him what we know?

John: No, not until we have more information. I got a call in to the warden.

Brody: All right, so we just sit tight?

John: No. There's someone else we should bring in.

Natalie: It's weird. I mean, if this guy works at B.E., then--

Jared: Why don't I recognize him?

Natalie: Why don't I recognize him?

[Door opens]

Natalie: So, how's Bree?

Jessica: She still thinks that creep is her father.

Natalie: I knew that John should have never shown her that picture.

Jessica: I only allowed it because I thought it would help.

Natalie: You know, I'm not a big fan of Mayor Lowell's, but at least he put a leash on John.

Jared: Ooh, we all know how that worked out. John's back on the job, and Lowell is in a cell.

Viki: I think that Mayor Lowell's attitude toward alternative lifestyles is somewhat outdated, to say the least.

Nick: May I quote you?

Charlie: You know something? I don't even know why we're dragging the ex-mayor into this because that guy is history. Why don't we just move forward with the right message, that everyone deserves the same rights?

Viki: Yes. Every human being deserves respect and equal rights under the law.

Charlie: Now there. You can quote that.

Viki: Yes. That's part of my platform.

David: Isn't she gorgeous when she's right?

Viki: David.

David: Hello, love, Charlie.

Charlie: David.

Viki: David, did Dorian send you over here to spy on me?

David: Oh, you could always see right through me, huh, Viki.

Viki: Okay. Go away now. We're very busy.

David: Busy with Nick Chavez, head of Llanview's Llanview Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Llanview.

Nick: Yeah.

David: David Buchanan.

Viki: David, we are in the middle of something here.

Nick: If you don't mind, Mrs. Banks, I'd love to get Dr. Lord's position on same-sex rights.

Viki: Ahem.

Kyle: When I met you, it was the first time that I actually had somebody, you know, that I could also talk to that was smart that I respected, and when you walked out on me to basically date any girl that would return your phone call, I never stopped thinking about you.

Oliver: Look. I was scared. I was ashamed because of my parents. I basically made every mistake in the handbook, but that's over. I went through that door, and I want a real life. I want you, Kyle, and I don't care who knows it.

Layla: We have to stop him.

Cristian: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why would you want to do that? Look. He likes Kyle. He's out. What's the problem? Shouldn't he just be honest?

Layla: Was this your idea?

Cristian: Well, I wouldn't have put him with Kyle, but, you know, once he told me how he felt--

Layla: This is the last time I'm letting you go to a wedding. You are officially cut off, Romeo.

Ross: You had your chance, Blair. You didn't tell him, which tells me that you don't really want to go there. Just let it go. Move on.

Blair: Then there's no need for you to be around here. You're free to go.

Ross: What about Tahiti--you, me, mile of empty beach.

Blair: Didn't we just establish that you were married to Téa?

Ross: A technicality.

Blair: And didn't I shoot a spear gun at what you hold most dear here?

Ross: Mmhh... I forgive you.

Blair: I don't even like you.

Ross: We'll work on that... under a palm tree... and a crescent moon.

Todd: I know it's a little tacky, but it's true, right? I mean, nothing is gonna come between us, not even your temper.

Téa: It's very sweet. My temper?

Todd: Well, I'm gonna get to me. I have a list. Not Blair--

Téa: I thought you were getting to you.

Todd: Well, I'm getting to me. Not even my devastating good looks, which torments half the population.

Téa: So, not your ego?

Todd: And not whatever has been bothering you since breakfast. What? Tell me what it is. Don't hide from me. I'm smarter than you.

Téa: Why'd you marry me?

Todd: Now, don't change the subject. Now just lean back, relax, fess up. You wouldn't want to ruin the first day of our marriage. 

Blair: Good-bye, Ross.

Ross: You sure?

Blair: Have a nice life.

Ross: [Sighs] I hate to spoil the moment, but I have these little legal charges that are pending.

Blair: I'll have them dropped.

Ross: Thanks. So, that's it, huh? I move on without Téa. You move on without Todd or me.

Blair: That's it.

Ross: All right. When you change your mind--

Blair: You'll be the first to know.

Téa: Yeah. I'm a little disappointed, not in the wedding or in the wedding night. That was nice. I'm just, you know, now it's over, so--

Todd: Yeah. I know. I should've booked a real honeymoon somewhere, but I just was so concerned about getting the kids used to this whole joint custody thing.

Téa: I want that, too, more than you know. I want so badly for us to just fall into a familiar routine, you know--family dinners, movie nights. I want your kids really to feel at home when they're here.

Todd: Well, they do. They love you.

Téa: I know. They did so much to make me feel welcome, and that means a lot to me because I didn't have many people on my side of the aisle.

Todd: At the wedding?

Téa: Yeah. I had Cristian and his roommate, who I just met, and Viki, who's your sister. Everyone belonged to you.

Todd: So, let's have a baby.

Kyle: I can't. I can't do this.

Oliver: Yes, you can.

Kyle: Why? Because suddenly you're ready, I'm supposed to drop my whole life? What if you chicken out? What if your dad gets sick or your mom?

Oliver: They'll have to take me as I am.

Kyle: What if I'm not who you remember? It's been a long time, Oliver. What if it's different? What if it doesn't work out again?

Oliver: You said you'd forgiven me.

Kyle: I have. Doesn't mean I've forgotten all the times you hurt me.

Layla: You're just in love with love.

Cristian: In love with love? What are you talking about?

Layla: You're an artist.

Cristian: So what? I was also a professional boxer.

Layla: You have a passionate nature. Just look at your track record. You've bounced from one woman to the next.

Cristian: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. Since when did this become about me?

Jessica: Hi, honey. Where are you?

Brody: I'm with John at the station. Can you come down here without letting them know where you're going?

Jessica: If that's what you want.

Brody: Yeah, soon as you can.

Natalie: So, how's Brody?

Jessica: He's okay. He's very happy to be out of the house.

Jared: I get that.

Jessica: He asked me if I would meet him in the park for a walk. It's a beautiful day out, so--

Natalie: That's a great idea. Honey, what do you say? You want to join them?

Ross: Elij, hey, things are looking up, man. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Todd and Téa got married, or so they think, and Dorian Lord, she paid me a small fortune to keep Blair from stopping the wedding. She wrote me a check, a large one. What? Yeah. I got it right here. Hold on. Oh... hey, Elijah, I got to call you back.

Blair: Is that the paper?

Dorian: You know that old saying, "it's not fit to wrap fish in"?

Blair: Surprised you don't have it blown up, framed, proving that Todd is married and I'm safe.

Dorian: Hmm, unfortunately, page 3 has a very inaccurate and unflattering report about me and my campaign. Ugh! However, everybody knows that Todd owns that newspaper. Everybody knows Todd is a psychopathic, idiotic moron, and, you know, there is good news. You changed your mind, and you're letting that horse's ass ride off into the sunset with Téa Delgado.

Blair: I did not change my mind. I was kidnapped, held hostage in a stolen boat in the middle of Llantano Bay.

Dorian: Oh? Who did that?

Blair: Ross Rayburn. He dragged me away before I even had a chance to stop the ceremony.

Dorian: Why would he do that?

Blair: I don't know. He says he was doing it for my own good, that he cares about me. Well, a lot of good that did me.

Dorian: There's another old saying--"one door closes, another door opens." Whatever. It doesn't matter. The point is, you're better off without Todd, and you know it.

Téa: Oh, a baby. Now?

Todd: Why not now? We're married now. We love each other.

Téa: Ha ha ha! Yeah. You know, you already have 3 kids waiting to see if I really love them or if that was just an act. Having a kid now would be very unwise, though I love you for suggesting it.

Todd: Okay. Where are you going?

Téa: Oh, all this talk about kids, I forgot I have a family court date.

Todd: What are you talking about? No. We're on our honeymoon.

Téa: Ha ha ha! Every day is a honeymoon for us, sweetheart, but Elijah and Nora are filing an appeal, so I'm sure there are things you have to do, right?

Todd: Nothing that can't wait.

Téa: Well, I will be right back, and then we can pick up where we started.

Todd: Mm.

Dorian: Look at it this way. File the papers. Drop the kidnapping charges against Ross, and who knows what might happen? Hey, he could change his mind about going to Tahiti. Llanview is so beautiful in the winter.

Blair: Oh, you're so right. It's just lovely, isn't it, and instead of going to Tahiti or to wherever a beach bum would possibly go, why not stay in Llanview and shovel snow all winter long?

Dorian: Of course, if he had a really exciting woman to keep him warm--

Blair: What are you-- are you trying to get me to shack up with a known felon?

Dorian: You used to like him.

Blair: He kidnapped me.

Dorian: Yes?

Blair: No! No!

Dorian: Blair...

Blair: No!

Dorian: Come on.

Blair: No. No.

Dorian: Wait. Come back here.

Ross: [Clears throat]

Dorian: Ross--ha ha!--Hello. I'm glad you stopped by. Well, congratulations. It seems so you have been very, very successful.

Ross: Right. Well, yeah. You get what you pay for.

Dorian: Yes, and you drove a hard bargain.

Ross: Right. See, the thing is, the check you gave me, I seem to have lost it. I'll need another one.

Dorian: Just how stupid are you assuming I am?

Brody: Look. I knew Jared did time, but Jessica said it was because she set him up--or Tess did.

John: Yeah. He came out of prison and tried to pass himself off as Asa's son for a while.

Brody: Yeah, yeah. Okay, but he's changed, all right? He married Natalie. He's working at B.E. He got what he wants. Why mess that up?

John: You like this guy?

Brody: No reason not to. I just can't see him hurting Natalie or her family. I wish Jessie would get here. I hated having to ask her to lie to her sister.

Jessica: Well, I kind of got the feeling that Brody was looking for a bit of private time, if that's okay.

Natalie: Sure.

Jared: We've all been kind of cooped up here together since Brody and I got hurt. I know where he's coming from.

Jessica: Thanks. Well, I think gonna sneak out the back because Mom is doing all her campaign business at the front.

Natalie: Enjoy your walk.

Jessica: I will. Thanks.

Jared: What's wrong?

Natalie: My sister. I know her. She just lied to me.

Oliver: I've come out to my family and my friends, my job. I'm ready to be with you.

Kyle: Okay. Nobody is happier for you than I am that your life is your own, okay, but you've been out all of, what, a week? You're brand-new, buddy, and it's exciting and scary, and it's all out there for you, and now is not the time to come running back to your college boyfriend.

Oliver: That's not why I'm here.

Kyle: Look. Look. The timing is off, okay? I'm not the same guy you left behind, okay? We've both changed a lot. You've walked the straight and narrow the past few years, and I've made some mistakes, done some things I regretted, and I need to get my life back together, and you should go out there and, you know, go have a party, celebrate.

Oliver: Oh, I don't need to prove anything to anybody, least of all myself.

Kyle: You're not curious at all about what you've been missing.

Oliver: You. Kyle, I've been missing you. I love you, Kyle, and I think you still love me.

Layla: You can't just shove him at Kyle and expect it to work out because you're suddenly sentimental.

Cristian: So, this is all me.

Layla: Yep.

Cristian: Wrong. This has you all over it.

Layla: What do you mean?

Cristian: I mean, you've been hurt. Look. I get it. You're afraid to get out there.

Layla: No. Just because I choose to take a little timeout does not mean--

Cristian: Wait. Hold on a second. Just try to be honest. Wouldn't you want to know if someone had a thing for you?

Dorian: So, you're thinking perhaps you could double your money?

Ross: No. No. I just want you to replace the check I lost. Call your bank. Stop payment on the first check. I swear to you, I lost it.

Dorian: That was very careless of you.

Ross: Yeah. I was concentrating on other things, was taking care of your niece, who's a handful, I might add. I made sure I stopped her from interrupting her ex's wedding. Okay. I earned every penny of that money you paid me.

Jared: Why would Jessica be lying to you?

Natalie: I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being a little paranoid, you know, but it's, like, Brody is working for John now, and John has questioned us twice. Then Brody is with John. All of a sudden, he wants to take a walk. He calls Jessica, and then she just dumps us like a hot potato.

Jared: John can't touch me. I'm innocent. Natalie, you believe me, right?

John: Printout I gave you--

Jessica: Yeah. I just wish one of us had recognized him.

Brody: We think Jared might have crossed paths with him in the past.

Jessica: How?

John: They were in the same prison at the same time.

Natalie: Of course I believe you. I mean, you've nothing to do with any of this. I just don't understand why John keeps harping on the same--

[Cell phone rings]

Jared: [Sighs]


Jared: I'm sorry. I'm gonna get rid of this. I'm gonna have to call you back. I said later.

Natalie: Who was on the phone?

Layla: Would I want to know if someone had a thing for me? No.

Cristian: No.

Layla: I wouldn't trust it, not after Vince.

Cristian: Vince was a jerk.

Layla: And I fell for him hard, and he cheated on me.

Cristian: Like I said, an idiot.

Layla: But the point is, I trusted him.

Cristian: Right, and when you found out he wasn't worth it, you dumped him.

Layla: And fell for Oliver, who's gay.

Cristian: That's different. Oliver really cared about you.

Layla: And I looked him in the eye on one of our first dates and told him I had impeccable gaydar and I could always tell when someone was gay.

Cristian: So, you were wrong.

Layla: Right, and my instincts are from hunger, so until they grow up or show up, I don't want to hear nothing from nobody.

Cristian: Even if, you know, this person really cared about you and was straight and honest and you kind of liked him? I mean, what then?

Layla: Who are we talking about, Cristian?

Kyle: Okay. I'm finally in a good place. I'm back in med school. I'm gonna be a doctor, and I got a good guy who's out, and he's proud of it. He's actually an activist, you know, and we're in the thick of it, and it's exciting, and we're good together. I'm sorry, Oliver. It's just not gonna work between us.

Viki: The "Banner," which is my newspaper, has always insured partners in same-sex relationships, unlike many of the employers in this area who do not extend those benefits.

Charlie: Yeah. No. Viki's platform has always been in full support of same-sex marriages.

Nick: Does your campaign employ anyone with a nontraditional orientation?

Viki: Oh, yeah.

Charlie: Yeah. Your speechwriter is a gay man. One of our assistant campaign managers is a lesbian.

Nick: And your candidate, Mr. Buchanan?

David: Uh, ditto, all of that.

Nick: Does your campaign employ anybody who's gay or lesbian?

David: Of course. Um, Andre. You'd love him.

Nick: Andre. I'm not sure I've seen his name on any--

David: Oh, yes. Well, Dr. Lord is keeping him under wraps.

Nick: Because he's gay?

David: No. Because he's a genius. No one does hair like Andre.

Nick: Wait, so Andre--

David: Hair, makeup, bit of personal shopping from time to time.

Nick: Does Dr. Lord's campaign employ anybody who actually makes policy?

David: I think it can be said that good grooming is good policy. You can quote me on that.

Nick: Mrs. Banks, thank you very much.

Viki: You're welcome, Mr. Chavez.

Nick: I'll be in touch soon.

Viki: Thank you. Nice to meet you.

Charlie: Okay. Nick, if there's anything else we can do for you, just, you know, let us know.

David: Nick, you call our office, make an appointment with Dorian any time.

Nick: Uh--

David: Well, I think that went well.

Viki: Oh, oh, yes, yes, and, you know, I think that Dorian must just be waiting to hear all about it.

David: [Snaps fingers] You're right. Charlie.

Viki: [Stifles laughter]

Blair: My, my, I should've known.

Dorian: Blair, darling, I am so glad you're here because remember how I said I wanted the opportunity to thank Ross for taking such good care of you? Well, that's what I've been doing, thanking him, and you know something? [Stammers] Play your cards right, and he just might change his mind about going to Tahiti, yes, and stick around for a whi--

Blair: And how much is that gonna cost you, Dorian? Pay him to kidnap me? Now you're gonna pay him to romance me, too?

Dorian: Oh, Blair--

Blair: Said you cared about me.

Ross: I-- I do.

Blair: Shut up and stop lying to me, you washed-up surfer. All I was was a payday to you. Well, you know what? You can forget about me dropping those charges. I'm just gonna add to them, all right? And you, aunt pimp--

Dorian: I encouraged him in the hopes that you would get over this obsession you have with Todd!

Blair: You think I'm gonna drop those charges, and you think I'm gonna file those divorce papers? Well, you are dumber than this washed-up, hang-10 surfer dude here because nobody is gonna get away with this, absolutely nobody.

Dorian: Wait a minute. Give me a chance to apologize. I shouldn't have screamed at you. I was really wrong. Give me a-- go after her.

Ross: Oh, I don't know. It's no use.

Dorian: What? She is going to go to Todd and tell him that you're married to his wife.

Ross: She's stuck on him. There's nothing anybody can do about it, not even you.

Jessica: Well, why did you want to see me?

Brody: John knows why Jared was in prison.

John: And then he came here to get revenge.

Jessica: That was a long time ago, and Jared knows that I was sick and that it was Tess that framed him, and then he fell in love with Natalie, and everything changed... and then Nash died, and I did terrible things to both of them.

Brody: Jessica...

Jessica: I did.

Brody: They've forgiven you.

Jessica: Natalie has. So, is this possible that this is all an act, that Jared really doesn't love Natalie, and that he's just trying to get back at me?

Natalie: Who was that on the phone?

Jared: The office. They've been driving me nuts.

Natalie: Didn't sound like the office.

Jared: It was the new guy-- Jim Gordon. I never should've hired him. Smart, but he needs a little hand holding.

[Cell phone vibrates]

Natalie: Then you shouldn't be answering this. You are supposed to be resting, mister.

Jared: Ha ha ha! You're right. I think Brody got the right idea. Maybe I just have cabin fever.

Natalie: Mm.

Jared: How about you go put something on that beautiful body and we go find ourselves a quiet corner in that new wine bar downtown?

Natalie: You are on. Come here. Mwah!

Todd: Well, well. First, you walked out on my wedding. Now you show up on my honeymoon.

Blair: Well, I'm sorry about the wedding, but the sight of Téa in that virginal white dress was just more than I could stomach.

Todd: Well, better get used to it. She's my wife.

Blair: I wouldn't be so sure about that.

David: Dorian, we got trouble.

Dorian: Sorry, David. I don't have time. I've got to put out a fire.

Todd: I'm not really interested in hearing it. I love my wife, and I trust her, and I don't trust you, so thank you.

Blair: Look. Okay. Let Téa make a fool of you. See if I care.

David: How's the bride, blushing?

Téa: Dorian!

Dorian: I suggest you head to the airport.

Ross: On my way. Last thing I want is for Téa to find me here.

Dorian: Oh, Téa is the least of your worries. Ha! You watch out. When Todd finds out that you're still married to Téa and that you were last seen in my living room...

Todd: Hey, Blair--

Blair: Thought you weren't interested, that you trusted Téa.

Todd: All right. Just get it over with. What'd you find out?

Dorian: Hmm.

David: There you are. I think Téa may have been looking for you.

Dorian: Please, not another word about Todd or any of his harem, all right? I should just have him killed. Yes. That way, I'd be free of Todd and his sniping at me in his odious, little newspaper--two birds, one stone.

David: Speaking as your campaign manager, you should probably avoid killing someone. Might hurt you in the polls.

Dorian: Right. Ha ha! Okay. Now I really need some good news. How can I beat Viki?

David: Well, based on what I saw over there, Dorian, you need to hire yourself a queen.

Oliver: So, you and Nick?

Kyle: Yeah.

Oliver: And it's not just a--

Kyle: No.

Oliver: So, he's it? He's the one?

Kyle: Could be. He's good for me.

Oliver: Why don't I believe you?

Nick: So, Oliver, we're seeing a lot of you lately.

Oliver: Yeah. Not anymore. I'll see you around, Kyle.

Kyle: Cool.

Nick: What was that?

Kyle: I guess just the breakup talk we never had.

Nick: Oh. You okay?

Kyle: Yeah. So, how was your meeting?

Nick: Fabulous. Banks is on board with same-sex marriage, and the opposition is going crazy. I'm finally getting everything I wanted.

Layla: Is there something you're trying to tell me, Cristian?

Cristian: Um--

Oliver: Hey.

Layla: Hey.

Oliver: Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost is an idiot.

Cristian: Didn't work the way you wanted, huh? Sorry, man.

Oliver: Eh, it's not your fault.

Cristian: Layla was right. I shouldn't have egged you on.

Oliver: No. It's better to know, and, I mean, come on. I knew I was taking a chance.

Cristian: Better you than me. I never have the guts.

Layla: Cristian is right. You have a lot of courage, Oliver. I just think it was a little too soon, you know, after everything you've been through to open yourself up like that. I mean, I know I'm sure as hell not ready, and if Prince Charming were to walk through that door right now, I wouldn't even notice.

Dorian: I am the queen, the queen of La Boulaie.

David: Oh, and don't I know it, but I'm talking about gay employees and lots of them. Viki has come out for same-sex marriage.

Dorian: I'm for same-sex marriage. What about Andre and Wayne Laurie?

David: Yeah, but Viki has a gay speechwriter and a lesbian who's running half of her staff. You need a gay man in a big job.

Dorian: I already have one.

David: Who?

Dorian: You.

Viki: Ooh, darling, you look beautiful.

Natalie: Thank you. Yeah. Jared and I, we're going to that new wine bar by the docks.

Viki: Oh, good. That means he's feeling better, huh?

Natalie: Yeah, and we just need to get our minds off this investigation.

Charlie: Is there any word?

Natalie: Nope, just crazy theories.

Viki: Okay. Well, enjoy yourself, sweetheart.

Natalie: Thanks.

Viki: I'll see you later.

Natalie: Okay.

Viki: Bye.

Jessica: Well, you don't know for a fact that Jared is in cahoots with this guy, right?

Brody: No.

Jessica: But Natalie could still be in danger, and you've already thought of that, and that's why I'm here.

Natalie: Jared, you ready? Jared?

Téa: Dorian? Dorian? Ohh... why are you writing checks to Ross Rayburn?

Blair: Todd, all I care about is you and the children. That's why I'm here.

Todd: It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Téa's husband and not your husband?

Blair: Well, that's just it. You can't be Téa's husband.

Todd: Oh, that's right. You missed our wedding.

Blair: And I'm glad I did because it was a fake.

Todd: Yeah. You wish.

Blair: I know. You can't be Téa's husband because she already has one.

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