One Life to Live Transcript Wednesday 2/18/09


Episode # 10378 -- Karma's a Bitch

Provided By Laurie R.
Proofread By Kathy

David: Get the hell out of my house!

Clint: Okay, okay, okay, okay, that's enough. Now, you listen up to me, Vickers.

David: Buchanan. It's Buchanan, bro. Your short term memory is slipping you, Clint. It's Buchanan, David Buchanan.

Matthew: Hey, guys, I'm home from school.

Bo: Matthew --

Nora: Hi, honey -- Matt.

Matthew: What's going on? Uh, aren't fur jackets a little uncool?

David: If you think my jacket's uncool, you're really going to hate my new bathrobe. Hey, you can start calling me Uncle David now.

Dorian: And I'm Aunt Dorian.

Matthew: What?

Dorian: Isn't it wonderful? You and Starr are cousins.

Cole: Our parents, doing us proud as usual.

Starr: I could die. Look at them, Cole.

Téa: Well, at least they got your good side. You should frame this.

Todd: That was a hell of a date you took me on last night, Téa. Thanks a lot. You nearly got me killed.

Téa: Oh, please, you're fine. Just a little bruised ego, that's all.

Todd: Give me a break. That was not a fair fight. Granger had a weapon.

Téa: You went after him with a broken bottle, you moron. I thought I was going to have to end up defending you on murder charges.

Blair: Oh, for crying out loud. Yes, operator, could you get me the police? I'd like to report a murder.

Barb: Surprise, surprise, it's Jessica.

Jessica: Hi, Barb.

Barb: What's up, sis? Levin's out today. You here to see your boy toy?

Jessica: We're just friends, Barb.

Barb: Yeah, with eye candy like Brody, it's BFF one day, in the sack the next.

Nun: Barbara, please mind your manners.

Barb: I'm just talking about sex. It's completely natural -- for most of us.

Jessica: How's Brody?

Barb: He wasn't at breakfast today.

Nun: Lieutenant Lovett? Lieutenant Lovett? Hello?

Talia: This is Officer Sahid. Who am I speaking to and from where are you calling?

Blair: Yes, this is Blair Cramer and there has been a murder here at the Angel Square Motel, room number 4. The victim is Wes Granger.

Talia: Are you sure he's dead?

Blair: Oh, yeah, yeah, he's dead. Someone stuck a knife right through his heart, and I'm looking right at her. Marty Saybrooke.

Talia: Don't move anything. Don't touch anything. We're on our way. Antonio?

Antonio: Yeah, what's up?

Talia: A homicide. And guess what? Another stab wound to the victim's heart.

Antonio: All right, let's go.

John: Sit tight for a minute, okay? You should have talked to me before you did that.

Blair: Oh, you want to have a chat over a dead body?

John: I want to handle this, Blair.

Blair: Handle? Why?

John: Because Marty didn't kill him.

Matthew: Wait, Starr's not my cousin.

Nora: No --

Dorian: Au contraire. You see, your family is a bit more extended than any of us ever suspected. So Blair and Starr and the two boys and Langston and Addie, of course, will be living under this roof.

Matthew: Wait, here, with us?

[Dorian speaks French]

Dorian: Your half of the family will be living elsewhere.

Matthew: What? Mom, Dad?

Bo: Now, son -- son, look, as it turns out, David Vickers --

David: It's Buchanan. I'm your dad's brother. That makes me your Uncle Dave, kiddo.

Matthew: No way.

David: Yes way.

Matthew: Well, wait, but Jared was supposed to be your brother, too. And it turns out he wasn't.

Dorian: But we're certain this time.

Nora: Okay, you know what? Zip it, zipzity, zippy, zippy. Honey, I know that this is probably very confusing. Your grandpa --

Matthew: Yeah, Grandpa gave us this house. Why do we have to move out?

Bo: We don't.

Clint: Matthew, we're going to take care of it. We already have lawyers working on it.

Dorian: Except that we already have marshals outside ready to evict you in an hour.

Barb: Looks like he didn't even sleep here last night.

Nun: Security, a patient seems to be missing. Please alert the authorities immediately to be on the lookout for Brody Lovett. He should be considered dangerous.

Brody: Looking for me?

Jessica: Brody.

Nun: Lieutenant Lovett, where have you been?

Blair: How can you stand here and tell me that she didn't kill this man? I mean, look at her. John, look at her. She's covered in his blood. She didn't even bother to pull the knife out of his chest. No, she killed this man that she's been shacking up with instead of watching after her own son.

Cole: "Emotions were running high at the Go Red ball when Todd Manning and Marty Saybrooke showed up in the same room."

Starr: You know that Wes guy pulled a knife on my dad? He could have killed him. I guess you wouldn't have been upset about that.

Cole: All I know is I hate Wes Granger as much as I hate your dad.

Todd: You know, women are not supposed to break up fights.

Téa: Yeah, or wear pants. I've heard. I kept you from killing the guy, you know.

Todd: I wasn't going to kill him.

Téa: Yeah, right.

Todd: Is that why you're here, to keep me from killing Granger?

Téa: Nope.

Todd: Why are you here, then?

Téa: I'm here to say good-bye.

John: You don't know what happened here last night.

Blair: Oh, well, I've got a pretty good guess. But you know what? Why don't we ask Marty? Hey, Marty, how'd you get that blood on you? I know, you were so distraught that you threw yourself on this man and the blood just got all over you, is that it?

John: She didn't do this.

Blair: Oh, really, John? Is that why she was begging you not to call the cops?

John: Why are you here?

Blair: Well, I thought that I would stop by and wave a white flag and say that I was sorry for the way that I acted last night. But you were so busy cleaning up one of Marty's messes that you didn't even notice. Yeah. So go ahead, Marty, make me the liar. Tell this man that you're not a murderer.

Nora: Honey, you know what? This is probably one of those times where it would be best if you went upstairs to your room and let the grown-ups deal with this.

Matthew: Our last house burned down in a fire, and now I'm just supposed to go upstairs and wait to get thrown out of this one?

[Matthew scoffs]

Nora: Are you happy now, Dorian? You've upset a child.

Dorian: I would hurry up if I were you, Nora, or else the child is going to be even more upset when he sees you carried bodily out of this house. It will be devastating for him and rather undignified.

Renee: You watch out for your own dignity, you shame -- you gold-digger.

Clint: All right, so this whole Buddhist conversion thing, it was just an act, right? An act where you renounce all worldly goods, and then we put our guard down and you swoop in for the kill, huh?

David: I was doing my best to change, Clint. And as much as I enjoyed drinking Téa and wearing orange, Dorian showed me my deeper calling -- to run Buchanan Enterprises and claim the gifts of my birthright.

Clint: Let's just turn it down a notch, shall we, Vickers?

David: It's Buchanan, bro.

Clint: I know. I'm sorry, I can't get used to that, that we're family. And, you know, families at the end of the day, they stick together and they help each other out.

Nigel: And with all due respect, Sir, you may find it difficult to distinguish between a balance sheet and a satin bed sheet. Buchanan Enterprises' business affairs are highly complicated.

Clint: The last thing we want to happen is for you burn through your inheritance. You know, in this kind of economy, it is amazing how much money you can lose so fast if you don't ask for help.

David: My big brother's help, right?

Clint: You got it.

David: Yeah, maybe you've got a point. Pa's empire is way too big for me to run all by myself.

Clint: It sure is, so why don't we all act as brothers and we can make this empire thrive.

Todd: What do you mean, good-\bye?

Téa: Until you commit another crime, our business relationship is a wrap.

Todd: Hello.

Téa: Hi.

Todd: You've raised your rates, you little devil.

Téa: Yeah, well, I've also added a little bonus that you're going to pay me for taking the heat on Lee Halpern's murder.

Todd: I see. So you still think I killed her.

Téa: It doesn't matter what I think. You weren't charged.

Todd: Oh, it doesn't matter? But that's quite a hefty price for something that doesn't matter.

Téa: It's on my record. Pay up. Come on, we'll call it even. Here's your checkbook.

Todd: Excuse me. You know, if this is about last night, I'm not the one who was running around with a knife in my hand threatening to stab people.

Téa: More writing, less talking, please.

Todd: Téa.

Téa: Yeah?

Todd: The real reason is that, you know, he was just driving me crazy, that Granger guy. And Marty's been letting him take advantage of her.

John: She didn't kill him.

Blair: Looks mighty dead to me. Now, how do you figure that, John?

John: She's not a violent individual.

Blair: Really? She talked Todd into jumping off the top of the Palace hotel and then she was furious with us for saving his life, and you don't call that violent? Animals treat their young better than she treats Cole. But you know what, John? You're just so busy trying to rescue her that you can't see the horrible things that she does. I mean, would you look at him and look at her? What more proof do you need?

Antonio: John?

Talia: Are you okay?

Blair: Better than him.

Talia: Get their shots, please.

Antonio: Well, you want to fill me in?

Brody: What's the problem? I just went for a walk.

Nun: To where, exactly?

Barb: You broke the rules. No leaving the grounds without permission.

Brody: I didn't leave the grounds, Barbie.

Nun: Your bed hasn't been slept in.

Brody: I'll take that as a compliment. I guess I'm still up to military standards.

Nun: What have you been doing this whole time?

Brody: Getting some air.

Barb: You just walked around in the freezing cold? You're just asking to get sick.

Brody: Well, I trained in the mountains of Germany before I went to Iraq. I'm used to it.

Barb: I could never get used to that.

Nun: Have you taken your afternoon meds? Go see the nurse. Now, please.

Nun: Are you telling me the truth?

Brody: Yes, ma'am.

Nun: You gave us quite a scare. Next time, fill in the sign-out sheet so we know where you are.

Brody: It's nice to see you.

Jessica: You, too -- now that I don't have to worry about you.

Brody: I just went for a walk.

Jessica: Mm, so I heard. But, uh, Sister Mary Clare might have bought that. Me, not so much.

David: I've got to say one of the greatest things about us Buchanans, we can be mighty generous when we want to. No, Clint, I can't ask you to do that. It's very generous of you, but you've got enough on your plate.

Dorian: Indeed. I hear looking for a new home can be a full-time job. I just hope you all have a good credit rating.

David: Yeah, you save your energy. The lovely Mrs. Buchanan will be my compass in Pa's vast empire.

Nora: Well, just be careful she doesn't guide you into a ditch and then leave you there to rot.

Dorian: I beg your pardon.

David: You know, if it wasn't for Dorian and Beaver Calhoun, I wouldn't even know that I was Asa's son. My loving blood brothers certainly weren't going to say a word, right?

Bo: No, the fact is, we did all we could to find you. We wanted to share the good news with you.

Dorian: He was wandering around in sandals and saffron robes, and you couldn't find him? You just might rethink that whole police commissioner thing.

Clint: Oh, now, let's not go there, okay? Because there's no sense in rehashing ancient history, is there? And who knows, there may be room for us to learn some of this Zen Buddhism stuff from you.

David: I don't think so. This family has already rained on my spiritually enlightened parade. You know, when I found out that Pa didn't love me enough to accept me as his true son during his lifetime, that was an unbelievable blow. But then to find out that my own brothers didn't want me? That can test a person's faith. But I'll tell you something. I'm stronger than that. I'm not going to let this get to me. I'm going to let these petty squabbles about the family, I'm going to let them slide. And for once -- for once in my life, I'm going to look out for myself.

Renee: For once?

Nora: You've got to be kidding me.

David: You know what? If you all had been a lot nicer to me, maybe we could have been one big happy family. But it's too late for that, my estranged brethren, much, much too late.

Dorian: Karma's a bitch, ain't it?

Renee: This is simply outrageous. You waltz yourselves in here and you tell us that you want us to get out of a home that Asa wanted us to live in forever.

Nora: Okay, it's okay, Renee. See, the deed still has my name on it.

Renee: Yes, that's right, that's right. And even if you do throw us out, we'll live in the Palace hotel and then we'll make sure that our lawyers give you the boot.

Dorian: Oh, Nora, I'm really surprised that you didn't read the codicil to Asa's will more carefully. I thought you were a smarter lawyer than that. Because, you see, it says very clearly that all the bequests in Asa's will are to immediately go to David. That means this house.

Clint: All right, hold on. Asa wanted Renee and Matthew, his wife and his grandson, to be able to live in this house forever.

Dorian: I'm sorry, Renee. It's just -- Asa wasn't in his right mind when he wrote that first will.

Renee: He most certainly was. He let us know what he thought in the DVD that he left us.

Dorian: Good, Nora, take a close look this time. I highlighted the pertinent information so that you don't miss it this time.

Nora: She's right.

David: Excuse me. Renee, I know how difficult this must be for you. I know the feeling. I had the same feeling every time you refused me a room or told me that you were completely booked up when you weren't. Or that time you told me my credit card had been denied, and with that little smile, said maybe you should try one of Dorian's. You made me feel like nothing but a gigolo.

Renee: If the tassel loafer fits --

David: You just can't stop, can you? It will never end, even though you know for a fact that I'm Asa's son. Because if I thought that you could stop, I would be giving you -- I would be giving you all a suite at the Palace hotel. Oh, because that's mine, too, by the way. And too bad for you, we'll be booked for the rest of your lives.

Dorian: No worries. Perhaps they have room at the Angel Square hotel. I understand all the best people stay there.

Talia: Do you remember me?

Marty: Yeah, you were nice to me when John found me at Todd's.

Talia: We're going to need your clothes for evidence, okay? If you want to come on, I'll help you change.

Blair: Why are you treating her like a victim?

John: It's going to be okay.

Talia: Let's go.

Marty: He was my friend.

Talia: Come on.

Antonio: John, you still haven't told me what happened.

John: I was walking down the hall and I heard a scream. I pounded on the door, but no one answered. I kicked down the door, and I found Wes like this.

Antonio: Where was Marty?

John: She was here. She was inside the room.

Antonio: The door was locked?

John: Yes.

Cole: That Wes guy, he knows that my mom's messed up, right? He knows that she shouldn't be staying there with him. Maybe -- I don't know, maybe if he would just tell her --

Starr: Then maybe she would want to come home and live with you.

Cole: I went to go see her last night.

Starr: You did? I'm guessing it didn't go so well. What happened?

Antonio: You were the first one on the scene?

John: Yeah.

Antonio: Okay. Blair, were you with him when he kicked open the door?

Blair: John? No, I showed up later.

Antonio: Where were you before you got here?

Téa: What's this? This is Blair's, isn't it? She was wearing this at the ball last night. What is this doing here?

Brody: You think I was lying?

Jessica: Pretty much. I sat with you five days a week in group. I know when you're not being straight.

Brody: Yeah, well, we talked about some real private stuff. It doesn't always mean you're going to get me right.

Jessica: Come on, we understand each other the way no one else does.

Brody: So, what's up? Why are you here?

Jessica: Well, I brought you something.

[Jessica chuckles]

Jessica: Everybody went to the red ball last night, except Bree and I. We stayed up and baked cookies after we put the baby down. She's into stickers now.

Brody: I can see that.

Jessica: That's not all.

Brody: Hemingway.

Jessica: No one writes about war like him. At least that's what I think.

Brody: This is really nice. Thanks.

Jessica: You're welcome. So now that I've given you a present, will you tell me the truth?

Brody: I snuck out last night.

Jessica: You were out all night? Why? Where did you go?

Blair: Well, I just don't know why you're wasting time talking to us. It's Marty that you need to be talking to.

Antonio: I intend to.

Blair: Well, she's the one that left the party drunk with Wes. She's the one that was alone in here with him. And she's the one that I overheard telling John, her friend John over there, that she needed help.

Antonio: For what?

Blair: Well, she was begging him not to call the cops, but that's why I called the cops. But I didn't know you were going to treat her like a wounded child. I thought you might be arresting her.

Marty: Blair's right. You should arrest me because I can't explain what happened to Wes. I don't know whether I killed him or not.

Dorian: You know, David, there are really some beautiful objects in this house. Perhaps, darling, we better keep an eye on them so that they don't stick any precious little items into their suitcases.

Nora: Oh, is this really necessary?

Dorian: Absolutely. After the way I was blackmailed out of B.E.?

Bo: After you stole it out from under us.

Dorian: And it's giving me great joy to take it back. I'm really going to love living in this house.

David: And the stables. Don't forget the stables.

Dorian: Of course.

David: Addie still has rodeo riding on her list.

Dorian: Start packing, everyone. Except for you, Nigel. I'm sure you will be happy to know that David and I would like you to stay on as our butler.

Brody: Look, I didn't go anywhere. I just had to get out of this place for a little while. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night. It almost feels like the ceiling's coming down on me. I can't breathe. Last night, I just couldn't take it.

Jessica: Well, how did you get out of here without anybody noticing?

Brody: Seals trained us well.

Jessica: Oh.

Brody: I would've cruised by your room, seen if you wanted to join me, but you're not here anymore.

Jessica: I know. Sorry you are and that you feel alone.

Brody: Me, too. Wes, he hasn't been back since he --

Jessica: Told you that he covered for you in Iraq?

Brody: I know the guy had my back, but --

Jessica: But what?

Brody: I mean, he told me that kid I shot had a gun. He should've just told me the truth and made me face it right then and there. I mean, maybe I wouldn't be here now.

Antonio: Marty, we're going to have to take you in for questioning.

John: They're not arresting you, but talk to a lawyer before you say anything.

Marty: I don't need a lawyer. I got drunk last night -- so drunk, I have trouble remembering. But I do know that Wes and I came back here, and we had a fight.

Antonio: Okay, do you remember what you fought over?

Marty: He wanted me to move out.

Antonio: Did he get physical?

Marty: No. That's all I remember.

Blair: Oh, come on. You remember everything that happened at Todd's, but you don't remember how you got blood on you last night? Damn, Marty, that memory loss of yours is so convenient.

Antonio: Blair, I'll do the questioning.

Blair: Okay, sure. Come on, John. Let's get out of here.

Starr: So what happened with your mom? Did you guys get in a fight?

Cole: No, I walked up to her door and heard Wes's voice -- creep. So I just turned around and left.

Starr: I'm sorry.

Cole: I didn't trust myself not to lose it on that guy again.

Starr: I bet if your mom knew that you were there, she would have wanted to see you.

Cole: I wanted her to see this.

Starr: Am I -- "Dear Cole Thornhart, Congratulations" --

[Starr gasps]

Starr: You got accepted into Llanview University?

Cole: It came in yesterday.

Starr: I am so proud of you. That's great.

Cole: Yeah?

Starr: Yeah, really. It's huge. Congratulations.

Todd: You don't know that is Blair's.

Téa: Are you kidding me? I nearly yanked it out of her ear last night.

Todd: Okay, gosh. Why do you care?

Téa: I was just curious.

[Todd scoffs]

Todd: Oh.

Téa: And it ended up here on the bedroom floor, how?

Todd: She slept here last night.

David: I know how much work you do around here, Nigel. Clint and Bo are cheap, but I'm not. I'm going to throw in a nice, fat raise for you.

Nigel: That won't be necessary. I want absolutely nothing from you, Mr. Vickers.

David: It's Buchanan. I'll give $1,000 to the first person who calls me David Buchanan.

Nigel: You seem to be missing the point, as usual. Your late father entrusted me with the secret of your heritage. The decision to tell the family about you was in my hands. I let Mr. Banks pose as the Buchanan heir because I thought it preferable to telling the family what your father had wrought. I was certain you would bring nothing but misery to this family. If you need to blame someone for keeping you in the dark, blame me. I chose not to tell them. And seeing the way you're behaving now, I know I was right to do what I did.

David: Okay, just look in my direction, say "Buchanan," I'll give you the thousand dollars.

Nigel: You are not worthy of that name.

Clint: Well, brother David, you don't mind if we do a little DNA testing, do you?

Dorian: That is not necessary. After all, it was Jared who used David's DNA to prove that he, Jared, was the Buchanan heir.

Clint: All right, then we'll just be confirming it.

Dorian: What?

David: Ow!

Dorian: Ow! Wait just a minute. Back off. Everybody leave my husband alone and get out of our house.

Téa: Oh, you spent the night with Blair? Oh, okay. You two were married. She's the mother of your children. It makes sense, I guess. A little booty for old time's sake.

Todd: Nothing happened. Nothing happened. She was drunk. You saw her. I didn't want her driving in that condition. I didn't want her embarrassing her children.

Téa: You don't owe me an explanation.

Todd: I know that. But if you want an --

Téa: I said I don't want an explanation.

Todd: Are you jealous?

Blair: Yep, definitely not needed here. Let's go, John. Well, are you coming?

Antonio: I'm going to need the two of you to come down to the station to make a statement, then you're free to go.

John: Look, I know I'm not a cop anymore, so forgive me if this is out of line, but I think you got to look at Manning for this.

Antonio: Why's that?

John: Granger got it the same way Lee Halpern did, right? That was in Manning's house. He's got motive -- Marty. And Granger pinned him last night with the murder weapon.

Téa: Are you serious? Shack up with whomever you want. I did my time with you. Blair's nuts to keep on coming back for more. Me? I'll pass.

Todd: I see, so you just wanted to take the money and run.

Téa: In a word, yes.

Todd: So you're not going to check up on me anymore?

Téa: Will you miss it?

Téa: You know, for the record, I wasn't checking up on you. I was just seeing if you were okay.

[Todd laughs]

Todd: What's the difference?

Téa: It's what I do when I am friends with someone.

Todd: You know, I'm not really the friend type. I don't have any.

[Téa chuckles]

Téa: Do you want one?

Starr: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to --

Cole: No, no, no, it's --

Starr: I know that you still hate me for not testifying against my dad.

Cole: Starr, I could -- I will never hate you.

Starr: I'm really happy for you. I mean, maybe you can move forward, and you can --

Cole: Can what?

Starr: I don't know. Okay, yes, I do. You can stop taking those pills. Please? Before you do something to hurt yourself and do something that you'll regret.

Talia: Yeah, I'm pretty certain this is the knife that Wes Granger pulled on Todd last night. I saw it myself.

Antonio: Marty, I know this is difficult, but think. Did anyone come into that room last night?

Marty: I don't know. I passed out. You really think that Todd could have snuck in there and killed Wes while I was sleeping?

Blair: It's impossible.

Clint: Dorian! Dorian, this is not over. It's not over by a long shot. We're going to be back before you can hang the new drapes.

Dorian: Bye-bye!

[Dorian laughs]

Dorian: Oh, that was fun! Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.

David: Hey, come with me.

Dorian: Oh, okay.

[Dorian laughs]

David: Oh, now, there is a label I recognize.

Dorian: Just the best that money can buy. All right, my darling. What shall we call this house, Mr. Buchanan? And you can pay me the thou in cash.


David: Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something, Mrs. Buchanan.

Dorian: Oh, darling, darling, I really would far prefer Dr. Buchanan.

David: Of course. Please forgive my clumsiness. Welcome home, Dr. Buchanan.

Todd: So now what?

Téa: What do you mean?

Todd: I mean, what do we do now that we're friends?

Téa: Talk.

[Todd scoffs]

[Téa chuckles]

Téa: Play games. We could go for another round of "money honey."

Todd: Oh, on second thought, maybe I shouldn't be your friend. I'm a sore loser.

Téa: You're a sore loser. We could go get something to eat.

Todd: That, I could handle. I need to take a –

Todd and Téa: Shower.

Antonio: Blair, why do you think it's impossible that Todd killed Wes Granger?

Blair: I mean, come on. You really think that Todd broke in there and killed a man, and Marty didn't hear anything? I mean, she had his blood all over her. I mean, why are you guys trying so hard not to see the obvious here?

Marty: I'm so sorry, Wes. You took care of me. I'm so sorry.

Starr: Cole, you want to go somewhere and talk?

Cole: I don't know.

Starr: I'm supposed to be working on this project with Mr. J, but I can totally push it back a day.

Cole: You probably shouldn't. It sounds pretty important.

Starr: Nothing's more important than you.

Cole: Go. You know, I got stuff to do, too, so --

Starr: Okay. I'm really happy that you got into L.U.

Cole: Thank you.

Jessica: You know what I want for you?

Brody: What?

Jessica: I want you to be able to go for a walk whenever you want, no permission slips from doctors. You can just go outside and breathe in the fresh air, all of it.

Brody: I'm happy you came by.

Jessica: Me, too.

John: If got something to say, say it.

Blair: You really think Todd did this?

John: It's a fit, but I didn't know Granger that well. It could be anyone.

Reporter: This just in. Llanview police are investigating a murder. Sources say the victim, Wes Granger, was fatally stabbed at the Angel Square hotel sometime last night.

Barb: Bad news. Very bad news. Your friend, Wes?  He was murdered last night.

Reporter: The victim was a former Navy Seal. Granger's body was found this morning. Unconfirmed reports say he was stabbed to death.

John: Hang in there. Everything's going to be all right.

Talia: Come on, Marty. Let's go.

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