One Life to Live Transcript Thursday 8/28/08


Provided By Boo
Proofread By Kathy


Langston: Fetch me a towel, cabana boy.

[Langston screams]

Charlie: Okay, what's the big mystery, hmm? What are we doing here? What the heck are those?

Jared: Well, Carlotta Vega gets a look at these, she's not going to be able to resist you, pops.

Rex: Good call, Morasco.

Gigi: Well, I figured we wouldn't get anything to eat on the plane, so we may as well come here.

Rex: Where it all began.

Gigi: Come on, I'm starved.

Rex: This place -- it was in the dream I had, only it wasn't called the Bon-Jour. It was called something else.

Gigi: Well, as long as they still serve pie.

Rex: And in the dream, there's this -- there's this kid, he looked like Shane. Kept poking holes in all the pies.

Gigi: Someone should've put him in timeout.

Rex: So how'd you do it?

Gigi: Do what?

Rex: Raise a son all by yourself, so that he would turn out to be the greatest kid that ever lived?

Gigi: All I know is, you love him, you keep him laughing, and you make sure he doesn't get away with anything.

Rex: Well, if you're you. But what about if you're me? I mean, I never had a dad, so I don't have a clue how to do this.

John: He's back. The man, the myth.

Bo: Yeah, and not a minute too soon, it would appear.

John: Yeah. Yeah, I saw it. I didn't -- I didn't do the things he said, Bo.

Bo: What, Manning?

John: Yeah.

Bo: Mr. Innocent, right?

John: Right.

Bo: Sure. So, how's life at the top, Commish?

John: You're the commissioner. I was just keeping the seat warm.

Tess: [As Jessica] Ugh. Why are you talking about the basement?

Todd: My sister Tina told me that her dog has developed an interest in the basement and has been sniffing around there, and you found him there and went a little crazy and locked the door. Which leads me to believe there's something down there you'd rather not have anyone see.

Tess: Okay, okay, Todd. Look, if you're starting to listen to Tina and her overbred mutt, then I'm starting to question your sanity.

Todd: Okay, well, then you won't mind if I go down to the basement and have a little look-see-poo.

Reporter: It would appear, ladies and gentlemen, that our tour of the Hohenstein palace with Princess Talia has reached a rather shocking and unexpected climax.

Tina: Oh, my God.

Talia: Father? Darling, what is the meaning of this? I can't believe this. You're having an affair!

Jonas: Talia, wait -- what?

Reporter: And it would appear that the princess is correct.

Talia: My husband and my father are having an affair.

Tina: Oh, this is one nutty principality.

Gigi: You are going to be a great dad. Shane is crazy about you.

Rex: He was crazy about me till lieutenant Brody showed up.

Gigi: That's my fault. I built Brody up to be a hero.

Rex: No, he is a hero. He stepped up and volunteered to be the dad of a kid who wasn't even his. Wish I had somebody like that in my life. I can do without the fact that he's also crazy about you.

Gigi: Well, I never felt that way about him, ever. I was just alone. But you're back. We're back. And it's all good.

Moe: Get a room!

Noelle: Moe.

Moe: Well --

Noelle: Oh, you found him! Oh, this girl was on a mission. She was going to find you come hell or high water.

Moe: So, where was he?

Gigi: In a dream.

Noelle: Oh.

Moe: I'm going to lose my lunch.

Noelle: Oh, don't you pay him any mind. He doesn't have a drop of romance in him.

Moe: Romance? This guy's married. You're dreaming if you think this romance is going to stick.

Rex: You know, I liked you better when you had more hair.

Jared: Ugh, then there's this one, it's --

Natalie: You built these, Charlie? You are good.

Jared: Yeah, well, he designed that one, not that the architect would admit it, but he made it work.

Carlotta: No, it's really lovely.

Jared: Oh -- he could make this place look like new.

Charlie: Look, I appreciate the boost, son, but I'm not sure that Carlotta is really ready for all that.

Carlotta: No, believe me, I'm really happy to know what you can do, Mr. Banks, and whatever happened with the Buchanans --

Natalie: Okay, that was pretty much mostly --

Carlotta: No, whatever happened, I -- you know, your boyfriend is obviously a very good son to his father. And your father is a very kind man. The morning of the fire, you really were very wonderful to me, Charlie. I really appreciate it, thank you.

Charlie: I know how it feels to lose something's that important.

Carlotta: Well, this -- this isn't important. It's just things. And they can be replaced. But what Antonio is going through, that's important. That's where my heart is now.

Antonio: She's selling it.

Guard: You there.

Antonio: Me?

Carlo: Oh, guard, get these people out of here. Get these people out of here, huh?

Cristian: If the guards don't buy it, we're sunk.

Guard: I will summon the full guard.

Jonas: Go.

Reporter: Your highness, may one assume you'll back the gay marriage bill?

Jonas: I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Reporter: When did you discover that you were bisexual?

Carlo: Jonas. Obviously, this is a setup. My son-in-law and I were drugged.

Jonas: Drugged.

Talia: Are you saying that's why you two slept together?

Jonas: Talia, we didn't sleep together.

Talia: How could you do this to me?

Carlo: Oh, Talia, please, don't be impossible. She's always been high strung.

Talia: My father -- and my husband!

Jonas: Talia.

Carlo: Talia, that's enough.

Tina: Oh, ugh, uh, too much information, Carlo.

Reporter: It would appear the royal father-in-law has no clothes.

Carlo: Talia, tell the press this isn't what it seems.

Tina: Uh -- oh. No wonder Jonas never made a pass at me. Oh. Why are the cute ones always gay?

Tess: [As Jessica] Sure, Todd, go ahead. Take a look-see-poo downstairs. I wonder what I have down there. Maybe, it's an amnesiac named Marty Saybrooke. Oh -- oh, no. No, that's what you have at your house. That's who you're holding hostage. Yeah.

Todd: I'm not holding her hostage.

Tess: Huh.

Todd: Iím taking care of her.

Tess: Oh, yeah. I'm sure she'd feel that way if she knew that you'd raped her. I wonder if she'd still find your home cozy if she knew that. Todd? Poke your nose in my business, and I will make sure John McBain knows exactly what you're hiding.

Bo: No, I'm sorry. This job is yours, my friend. Mind?

John: I think it's the same pot that was there when you left.

Bo: I got fired.

John: Hey, listen -- I took this job under one condition -- that you would take it back when you were ready.

Bo: I'm sure the mayor signed off on that.

John: Is that why you left, the mayor?

Bo: That and -- well, there's some other reasons, too. Lindsay, my father. John, you are about the only guy I know that would understand what I just said.

John: Yeah, I've been there.

Bo: I know you have. So tell me, what's our friend Manning up to now? And what are we going to do about it?

Todd: I'm taking better care of Marty then John McBain ever did.

Tess: [As Jessica] Yeah. Sure, that woman's a clean slate, Todd. She needs some professional help.

Todd: You'd know.

Tess: I know what I saw.

Todd: What's in the basement?

Tess: Worry about your own plans.

Todd: Yeah, but I'm not hurting anyone, am I?

Tess: Neither am I. I mean, who would I want to hurt, besides you?

Charlie: As much as I would love to get back to work, Carlotta, I think you may have a lot more on your mind.

Carlotta: Well, there's really not anything I can do for Antonio right now. I mean, except maybe take care of Jamie and pray and try not to worry.

Natalie: What's going on with Antonio?

Carlotta: I can't really get into it, but, you know, thinking about the diner, it -- it really gives me hope to believe in the future. Charlie, you found my precious memory, the first dollar that Diego and I ever made.

Jared: Well, that sounds like an omen to me. You know what they say, "every ending is a new beginning." See, this is your opportunity to change all those things that drove you nutty and to make this place exactly the way you want it to be.

Charlie: Okay, son, I think she got the point. Boy, he doesn't stop, does he?

Carlotta: You know, actually, there are some things that I really would like to change, but I don't have the money.

Natalie: Well, didn't you have insurance?

Carlotta: Yeah, but the insurance company is still investigating, and I really don't have any cash until they come up with the settlement.

Jared: Well, it doesn't cost anything to spitball.

Carlotta: Spit--

Charlie: What my son is trying to say is that if you would like to tell me what kind of improvements you're thinking about, I might be able to come up with an estimate while you're just waiting for the settlement.

Carlotta: Hmm. You know, there is something that always drove me crazy. It was the sink, the way it kind of flowed. It's just doesn't -- well, let me show you.

Charlie: Yeah. You can remove the sink pretty easily. It's a piece of cake. You're going to have to re-plumb that whole area up here.

Natalie: You really are a wonderful guy.

Jared: No, I'm not.

Natalie: Jared, we admitted to what we did. And we're starting over. You even got a job interview even though you won't tell me what it is, but that's okay --

Jared: I saw your father.

Natalie: Are you kidding?

Jared: He knows we want back in, and he's willing to consider it if I do something for him.

Markko: What's with the cucumber slices?

Langston: To make me beautiful.

Markko: Makes you into a vegetarian. See, now that's what I like. Those big, brown eyes.

Langston: Well, now you can make yourself useful since you washed off all my sunscreen. Here.

Markko: Right on, this is my kind of punishment.

Langston: You're good at this.

Markko: Well, this is cabana boy 101.

Langston: You do not do this to other girls.

Markko: Oh, no, you're right on that. Those girls from the country club with their $300 sunglasses and their cell phones that cost more than my car. No, no, I'm what they wipe off their sandals.

Langston: Well, then they're blind.

Markko: It doesn't matter. I'm only there to make money for college.

Langston: I totally get your tuition, but my inheritance is locked up in a trust fund somewhere.

Markko: I pay my own way.

Langston: Well, okay, then, senor macho.

Markko: Hey, cabana boy by day, senor super macho by night.

Natalie: I can't believe you talked to my dad.

Jared: Well, I sort of barged in on him. I told him I would do whatever it takes to help him get B.E. back, as long as he promised to stop leaning on you.

Natalie: You know, you truly are amazing.

Jared: I don't know. He took me at my word.

Natalie: All right. Well, what does he want you to do?

Jared: That I can't tell you.

Natalie: Why not?

Jared: It's unethical.

Langston: Well, senor super macho, you missed a spot.

Markko: Hey, senor super macho does not have to be perfect. He's so good-looking, the girls at the country club faint when they see him.

Langston: Oh, my God.

Markko: And he's so cool, they just freeze to death in their tiny bikinis.

Langston: Okay, well, senor super macho, you can just forget about it. I can protect myself.

Delphina: Are you sure about that?

Natalie: Wait -- no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. You can't talk to my father and then not tell me what he said.

Jared: If I tell you, you're an accessory.

Natalie: Wait, wait. So this thing that he wants you to do, it's so unethical and illegal that there are accessories? Fine, I'll just go ask my father.

Jared: No, I don't want you to get mixed up in this.

Natalie: Jared, I'm going to find out anyway. You might as well just get it over with.

Jared: He wants me to go after Dorianís 16-year-old foster daughter.

Natalie: Langston?

Gigi: Moe, kiss it.

Rex: No, he's right. I'm married. And if I were you, I'd feel the same way. I know how much you care about Gigi.

Moe: That girl's had it rough. Raising Shane all by her lonesome --

Noelle: Putting up with Moe every day while she was doing it.

Rex: I just want you to know that I'm committed to Gigi.

Moe: And your wife?

Rex: We're separated and I'm going to ask her for a divorce, so you don't have to worry, Mr. Stubbs --

Moe: Mr. Stubbs was my daddy, and no one called him mister. He started this place. Called it the Good Day --

Rex: Right, the Good Day Cafe, where they served tie-dyed pancakes and peace pies.

Moe: How'd you know that?

Sarah: Did it work?

Cristian: Oh, yeah, he's naked as a jaybird.

Sarah: Oh, God!

Carlo: Bitterman, get my robe.

Jonas: Get me one, too.

Talia: Why? So you can hide your shame?

Carlo: I've done nothing to be ashamed of.

Jonas: Hey, give me that back.

[Carlo yells]

Carlo: Talia, I'm warning you --

Talia: Just like you'd warn me away whenever I'd find the two of you with your heads together? "We're just talking, Talia. It's just business, Talia."

Bitterman: I knew they were up to something, but I thought they were just scheming to defraud the good people of Mendorra.

Jonas: We were.

Carlo: Not ever scheming!

Talia: You were cheating on me with my -- dad? They've made a fool of me, Mendorra, and of you. They've betrayed you, Mendorra. Obviously, my father was planning on using the prince to bleed this country dry.

Tina: You go, girl.

Todd: Who would Tess want to hurt? Let me think. Whose brakes failed recently and almost killed Viki?

Tess: [As Jessica] Oh. That was an accident. You can even ask the mechanic.

Todd: Oh, talked to him already, have we?

Tess: Hmm.

Todd: Paid him off perhaps?

Tess: Oh, that's your style, not mine.

Todd: Mm-hmm. I wonder if Natalie would agree with you on that.

Tess: Okay, that's enough. Out.

Todd: She's the one who you blame for your husband's death, her and her boyfriend. Revenge is certainly your style. So in answer to your question, I would think that Natalie and her boyfriend are the ones you'd like to hurt.

Natalie: I can't believe that my dad would go after a kid Starrís age.

Jared: Well, he's assuming that Dorian will do anything to protect her, and as a result, she'll trade B.E. for Langston's peace of mind.

Natalie: You know, I knew that he had changed when Grandpa died, but this is cold.

Jared: He wants B.E. back.

Natalie: Too bad. You know what, I don't care if my dad hates me for the rest of my life, because he has no right to mess with a teenage girl, nor does he have the right to make you do it for him.

Langston: Markko, this is madam Delphina, the psychic I was telling you about.

Markko: Whoa, psychic?

Langston: Yeah, she's amazing. How much?

Delphina: Now, I'm liking Ben Franklin today.

Markko: Whoa, whoa, you're giving her 100 bucks? For what?

Langston: A reading.

Markko: A reading? Do you know how many towels I have to fold and -- and how much butt I have to kiss to get $100?

Langston: She's a professional psychic.

Markko: Oh, right, and I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Delphina: No. Actually, you're Geraldo Rivera.

Jared: Sweetie, he has every right to pressure me. I betrayed him, I lied, I falsified documents, I perpetrated fraud --

Natalie: Right, and he dropped the charges so that he could get exactly what he really wanted, the name of his real brother, David Vickers.

Jared: So I'm not in jail, but the damage is done, Natalie. Your family lost the company, okay? Your kids, your grandkids, out of their inheritance and stripped of their legacy.

Natalie: Wait a second. Are you actually planning on going through with this? You're going to do my dad's dirty work?

Jared: Look, I don't want to hurt this girl and -- and neither does your dad. All he wants to do is orchestrate a little threat and, if it works, and it helps get the company back to your family, and helps put you and your father back together, then it is worth it to me because I can't stand seeing how unhappy you are, so I have to do something to make this right, even if that something means taking a risk.

Natalie: She's 16.

Jared: I know.

Natalie: So, what exactly does my father want you to do to her?

Langston: Actually, his name's not Geraldo, it's Markko, Markko Rivera.

Delphina: Well, class, we could take a field trip to the hall of records, but since it is the 21st century, why don't we just go online?

Markko: They don't put birth certificates online. Do they?

Langston: Wait, are you telling me your name really is Geraldo?

Markko: What? I'm not telling you nothing.

Langston: Oh, really?

[Delphina chuckles]

[Markko sighs]

Markko: Okay, my mother's father was named Geraldo. She wanted me to have his name, even though it meant I would have the same name as the guy who faced an empty crypt. So, yeah, she named me Geraldo, but I changed it to Markko, with two Kís, like the French race car driver, Markko Martin.

Delphina: Who's Estonian?

Markko: What, you know everything?

Langston: Yeah, she's a psychic.

Langston and Delphina: Duh.

Markko: Yeah, how much did you pay her to dig up my real name?

Langston: Nothing, we never even talked about it. She just knew.

Delphina: What can I say? It's a blessing, and a curse.

Langston: Oh, okay, so, what you said before about me not being alone, what did you mean?

Markko: Oh, come on. You need a psychic for that? You have me.

Delphina: Sorry, Geraldo. That's not exactly what I meant, not at all.

Tess: [As Jessica] Why wouldn't I blame Jared and Natalie? They killed Nash.

Todd: I thought Nash tripped --

Tess: No.

Todd: Fell through the skylight.

Tess: They shoved him, Todd. They lied to him and he lost his vineyard.

Todd: Then he lost his mind, then attacked Natalie and her boyfriend stepped in and --

Tess: And what? And pushed him through a skylight? Yeah, that sounds like an accident to me.

Todd: I just don't think that --

Tess: Yeah, you know --

Todd: They meant to kill him.

Tess: Okay, just like you didn't mean to rape Marty? You just, what, oops, tripped and fell on her? Nash was in their way, so they took him out.

Todd: Now, you're going to take them out.

Tess: Why do you even care? You don't even like Natalie.

Todd: She's Viki's daughter.

Tess: Yeah, well, she'll survive.

Todd: Viki won't survive without you.

Tess: You don't like me, either.

Todd: You're right, I don't like you.

Tess: Hmm. God!

Todd: Jessica, you in there? It's Uncle Todd.

Tess: Are you out of your mind?

Todd: It's Uncle Todd, Jessica?

Tess: Wait.

Todd: Hey, hey, you're going to fight your way out, Jess?

Tess: Are you crazy?

Bo: Who did you think you'd find at Manning's place?

John: I wanted to talk --

Mayor Lowell: Judge Runyon just called me in a lather, says he told you to lay off Todd Manning. What the hell is he doing here?

John: He's my guest.

Mayor Lowell: Well, see him somewhere else and not here.

John: I'll see him any time I want, any place I want.

Mayor Lowell: He brought nothing but shame and degradation to this office.

John: Say another word and I quit.

Mayor Lowell: Don't say things you don't mean, McBain.

John: I told you when you hired me, I didn't want this job. It's Bo's job. Now that he's back, reinstate him.

Mayor Lowell: I can't reinstate someone I don't respect.

Bo: Ahem.

Mayor Lowell: He -- he is laughing at me.

John: Let me tell you something, you give Bo his job back or I'm calling a 2:00 P.M. news conference and tell everybody what went on here while your buddy Ramsey was running the place.

Talia: When you asked me to come to Mendorra to marry the Ė

Cristian: Relax, brother, she's got him on the ropes.

Antonio: Yeah, well, I still got to work on getting her out of here.

Sarah: I think this is going to work.

Carlo: For the last time, I'm not gay. I was married, had children.

Reporter: So, are you saying there's something wrong with being gay?

Carlo and Jonas: No!

Talia: I applaud you for your courage in coming out, but, Dad, he's my husband. I saw him first!

Jonas: He thought of this whole thing himself.

Carlo: Will you shut up?

Talia: Look, we all understand that this must have been very difficult for you, but I just wish that you had come to me first, privately, instead of sneaking around behind my back.

Carlo: That's it! Turn those cameras off. Everyone out!

Tina: What -- I --

[Tina sighs]

[Turns TV off]

Tina: Oh, well.

Reporter: Were you aware that the royal father-in-law and the prince were --

Bitterman: Were having an affair? No. And yet, with hindsight, all those late-night meetings? I would catch them alone together in the conference room all the time.

Antonio: Ah, nice robes. You guys make a lovely couple.

Carlo: This is your doing. You drugged us and set it up to look like we were lovers.

Cristian: Worked, too.

Carlo: We'll see about that. Guards? As soon as I have you locked up, I'm going to call a press conference and tell the world what really happened here.

Talia: It's too late for that, daddy-o. The pictures of you and him in bed together are already all over the internet.

Carlo: I'll kill you for this. Guards!

Carlo: Guards?

Antonio: Doesn't look like anybody's coming, Carlo. You're nothing without your guards.

Carlo: Talia, how could you do this to me? I'm your father. I loved you. I made you queen.

Talia: And I returned the favor.

[Carlo laughs]

Talia: I never wanted to be queen and I begged you not to make me marry Jonas but you wouldn't listen.

Antonio: It's over, Carlo. I'm taking her back to Llanview.

Cristian: And there ain't nothing you can do about it.

Carlo: Uh, wait, Talia. I love you and I truly believe you love me.

Talia: No. I donít.

Carlo: Guards, arrest them.

Mayor Lowell: I can't make this man commissioner. He was harboring a known murderer.

John: She was released in his custody.

Mayor Lowell: Only after she faked her insanity.

John: Look, I'm not going to argue with you about this. She's in jail, the story's over. Bottom line is, you need Bo back, the city needs Bo back.

Mayor Lowell: The city's fine. There are plenty of arrests since you've been in office.

John: Not as many as when I was in the field. You need to understand one thing -- Bo makes you look good. I won't, not ever.

Mayor Lowell: Fine. I'll issue a statement to the press reinstating Buchanan as commissioner, now that Lindsey Rappaport is back in jail. But one slip and you're out. And stay away from Manning!

John: Welcome back, Commissioner.

Moe: How do you know about my daddy and his peace pie?

[Rex scoffs]

Rex: What are -- what are you kidding? The guy's a legend. Everybody knows about this place, right, Gigi?

Gigi: Everybody.

Rex: And I promise you that I am going to do right by this girl here. You know I have a lot of things to make up for, and I will. I'm going to make her and Shane very happy. I promise. We're going to be the family we were meant to be.

Noelle: Oh, Gigi, I'm so happy for you.

Gigi: Whoa, whoa, what is on your finger, Noelle?

Noelle: Oh, this? This is just a little something Moe gave me.

Gigi: You son of a gun. You did it. You asked her to marry you.

Moe: Well, don't make a federal case out of it, and tell that psycho she was wrong.

Gigi: Delphina?

Moe: Noelle said yes.

Rex: Delphina, wrong -- that's a first.

Delphina: Ah. There's someone close to you.

Markko: Yeah. Me.

Delphina: No, this someone shares your blood.

Jared: See, Langston thinks she's an orphan.

Natalie: Are you saying that her parents are still alive?

Delphina: She's a dark-haired woman with -- what? Uh-huh, a gorgeous smile.

Langston: My mother had dark hair and the most beautiful smile in the world.

Delphina: They say it's her.

Langston: Well, is she trying to speak to me?

Jared: Well, her mother and father are dead, but Clint has located an uncle of hers in Colombia.

Natalie: Ugh.

Jared: Someone that she knows nothing about. He's sort of, I guess you could say, on the outs with the family. So your dad wants me to go down there and find him and convince him to pursue custody of Langston.

Natalie: Take her away from Dorian.

Jared: Or at least threaten to.

Delphina: Oh, Gloria Inmarcesible

Langston: My mother used to sing that. That's -- that's --

Markko: The Colombian national anthem. I know, my dad sings it.

Langston: She was born there and so was I.

Delphina: Got it. She left someone behind.

Langston: A baby? Did she give up a child? Do I have a little baby brother or sister?

Delphina: No, that's not it.

Natalie: Dorian's never going to let anyone take Langston away from her.

Jared: And that is going to cost her.

Natalie: The company.

Langston: So, who did my mom leave behind?

Delphina: A sipping? A sibling.

Langston: No, that's impossible. My mom was an only child.

Delphina: Uh-huh. Are you sure about that?

Natalie: Jared, you cannot get involved in this. There's way too much that could go wrong.

Charlie: Hey, I'm sorry, guys, but Carlotta wanted to go over a few things. I'm thinking, if it's okay with you, I'm just going to stick around.

Jared: Well, that was the whole idea, wasn't it?

Charlie: Well, listen, I appreciate the sales pitch. I really do and, Natalie, thank you, too, for just backing him up.

Natalie: Absolutely. I just hope you can get the diner up and running.

Charlie: Well, that's the plan, and who knows? Things are starting to look up.

[Jared chuckles, then sighs]

Todd: Can't let Tess take over Jessica.

Tess: Let me go!

Todd: It's going to hurt your family. She's got something bad planned for your sister and her boyfriend, okay? Now, you got to fight her. I know it's hard to come out. I know it's hard but you can't let this bitch raise your daughters. Bree needs you. Viki needs you. I need you. You're about the only person in this family I can stomach, okay? Okay? Don't leave me out here alone.

Jessica: Uncle Todd?

[Jessica pants]

Todd: Jess, is that you?

Jessica: Yeah, and I want to come back.

Carlotta: You know, I think you're right. I need to do something different, a new look. Do you have any ideas?

Charlie: Well, let me think about it.

Moe: A little something for Shane from Noelle and me.

Rex: So, I guess you learned something from your father -- not to let a good thing get away.

Moe: Oh, she's a keeper. Does Shane know what's happened?

Rex: Uh, not yet. We're still trying to figure out how to tell him. I don't know much about being a father. Guess I'll learn.

Moe: Shane will teach you. He's a great kid. If anyone deserves to have two daddies, he does.

Noelle: Does Brody know?

Gigi: Not yet. And we have to tell Rex's wife, too.

Noelle: Aw, well, don't you worry about a thing, honey. If Moe and I can get engaged, anything's possible.

Gigi: Aw.

[Noelle chuckles]

Rex: Ready to go home?

Gigi: More than ready. I love you.

Noelle: Aw. Oh, don't forget your goodies for Shane. I put a little something for Viki in there, too. And just you remember, if it's meant to be --

Gigi: Aw. Hey, you? Behave.

Moe: Kiss it, Morasco.

Todd: Jessie, is that you?

Jessica: Yes.

Todd: Really?

Jessica: Yes, it's really me. And you brought me back. You're the only one that can bring me back, Uncle Rod.

Todd: That's very funny. It's Todd, actually.

Tess: Oh, Rod, Todd, Tom, Mrs. Perkins, what does it matter, it's all the same alter, right? You faked Disassociative Identity Disorder, huh? So, uh, how do you think I did? Am I as good a faker as you, Todd, baby? Grab me again Iíll --

Natalie: Hey, Todd!

Jared: Whoa.

Natalie: What is going on here?

Jared: Jess, are you okay? This guy hurt you?

[Tess sighs]

[Bo sighs]

Bo: I owe you one, John.

John: Bo, you don't owe me anything. Just to have you back in that chair makes my life better.

Bo: Okay, first order of business. Let's get Manning.

John: What about what this joker Lowell said?

Bo: What's he going to do, fire me? Guy looked like an idiot. Now, you go after Manning with everything you've got.

John: Okay. What if that means bringing your niece into it?

Bo: Jessica?

Tess: [As Jessica] Yeah, Uncle Todd was just comforting me.

Jared: You sure?

Tess: Yeah, I -- I got upset and, I don't know, just -- Todd always knows what to say to make me feel better. But thank you, thank you for coming out and being concerned about me.

Natalie: Yeah, no problem. We'll be right inside if you need anything.

Todd: Hmm. They're the ones who need help.

Tess: Oh, stop it. You don't even care about them. You just want Jessica back so I won't run and tell John McBain about Marty. Well, listen, you don't tell my secret, I won't tell yours. Okay? See you, Todd.

Tina: Oh, you won't believe what I just saw on TV.

Guard: Mr. Hesser, you're under arrest.

Carlo: Oh, but I'm not gay.

Jonas: Yeah, and even if he was, it's not a crime to be gay in Mendorra.

Guard: The crown prince is correct. Love is never a crime in Mendorra.

Second guard: But fraud is. And the punishment for fraud is beheading.

Carlo: You can't be serious.

Sarah: Why not? You were going to behead my mother.

Carlo: She had it coming. Talia, I -- I'm your father. Intervene.

Talia: Sorry, I'm not queen anymore.

Carlo: Talia.

Jonas: Hey, hey -- Hesser, you got a -- you got a way out of this one? I mean, you got a way out of this, don't you?

Tina: Stark naked and in bed.

Natalie: Carlo Hesser?

Tina: Yeah! Oh, do you know what? I think my D.V.R. probably recorded the whole thing. I'm going to go check.

Natalie: Okay.

Jared: Oh, and I should check in with your father.

Natalie: Oh, actually, um, I've been thinking about that, this whole business with Langston and you can't do it.

Langston: My mother wouldn't lie to me.

Delphina: Perhaps she didn't know.

Markko: Yeah, right.

Langston: Are -- are you getting something?

Markko: A headache?

Langston: Markko.

Delphina: Someone is talking about this person right now.

Natalie: She's 16 years old, Jared. She's been through enough in her life. If you don't want me to call Dad and tell him to back off, you call him.

Langston: What are they saying? Can you hear them?

Delphina: Can we? No, they're too far away.

Markko: All right, this is a bunch of bull.

Delphina: You know, if I hear anything more, I'll let you know.

Langston: So, uh, what did you think?

Markko: I think she took your money.

Langston: She knew your name.

Markko: Oh, right. Well, she's got to be real. Come on, what did you get for your $100? Somebody somewhere is talking about someone you never even knew or heard of. Big deal.

Jared: If I don't do this, you don't get your father back.

Natalie: If my dad keeps behaving this way, I don't really care if I get him back. Well, do it. Just call him and tell him no.

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