One Life to Live Transcript Monday 8/25/08


Provided By Boo
Proofread By Kathy

Rex: If Asa's here, could that mean that Bo is back in 2008?

Gigi: If he made it, maybe we can, too.

Asa: Hey, better get you and Chuck Jr. Here to the bus station before the Army counts you AWOL.

Bo: Clint, I can't put my finger on it, but I came back from the ranch feeling better, stronger.

Clint: You know something? When you left for Vietnam, I didn't know if I was ever going to see you again. But you made it, just like now.

Bo: Well, I just wanted to go down there and talk to Pa, you know, and finally have my say and to finally say goodbye to him once and for all.

Tess: [As Jessica] Todd, Tess is a part of me, okay? It's me. I'm Jessica. I'm still the sweet, charming Jessica that you know. And I'm just a little pissed off that you won't have your sister stay here. What are you doing?

Todd: Calling "The Banner." I don't have your mom's number.

Tess: No, no, don't call Viki. Todd, Todd, give me the phone. Don't call Viki.

[Doorbell rings]

Tess: Who's that?

Todd: I have no idea. I'm not expecting anyone.

Tess: Let's just see who it is.

Janet: Hey, now, this would look great on you.

Marty: Okay, no, I may have lost my memory, but I haven't lost my sense of style.

Janet: Oh, come on. It'll be fun.

Marty: Oh, come on, I'm in this bed day in and day out. Why do I need makeup?

Janet: Marty, you are a beautiful woman. I want to lift your morale a little.

Marty: Hey, wait, wait. Did you hear that?

Janet: Hear what?

Marty: Voices.

Tess: Todd, look who it is. It's the new commish.

John: Jessica.

Tess: Are you here on business, John?

John: As a matter of fact.

Tess: Come on in, please.

Todd: If my front page expose wasn't enough, I'm happy to go round two with you.

John: Come on, fellas, let's go.

Todd: Uh-uh.

John: What's that? Swedish for right this way?

Todd: No one's going to come in my house.

John: Except us.

Brody: Yeah, I need to make an appointment for a paternity test. For me and my son.

Jared: [As Clint] Okay, why don't you two say your goodbyes? I'll go check on the bus.

Gigi: Well, I'll pray for you. I'll pray for you every minute.

Rex: I'll find a way for you to get back to Shane. I promise.

Clint: The bus just arrived.

Man: Darling.

Woman: Oh!

Brody: Sweetheart, I feel like I've been waiting 40 years to kiss you like that.

Clint: That was some party that Pa threw when you left. All that food, all that booze. Even had some entertainment lined up.

Bo: Yeah, those girls from Reneeís stable. You know, I thought that they just showed up.

Clint: Oh, God, come on. You should know. You were AWOL with one of them for hours. Nobody could find you.

Bo: I just went off to think.

Clint: Oh, yeah, really? What was her name, your thinking partner?

Bo: You know, I think your memory was a little fuzzy because you were all messed up about Maria leaving.

Nora: Bo?

Bo: Oh, hey, Nora.

Nora: Hi. I'm glad you're home.

Bo: Well, it's good to be back, too, and I -- you know, I'm sorry that I left you, Matthew, everybody.

Nora: Listen, you know you don't have to.

Bo: Yeah, but I left you in a lurch. I know you were all worried.

Nora: Well, you don't have to. I'm just -- I hope that -- everything's okay?

Bo: I'm feeling a lot better now.

Nora: Good.

Dallas: That's not Bo Buchanan, is it? Why, you haven't aged a day.

Rex: Hands off her, Brody.

Brody: I'm Ned Truman, and this here is my girl, Emma. So butt out. Come on, pretty girl. Big Nedís finally home.

Rex: [As Bo] You got the wrong girl, Truman. She's not Emma.

Brody: [As Ned] I think I know the mother of my own child. And who the hell are you?

Gigi: Whoa, whoa, wait, bro -- Ned. It's true. I'm not Emma. I'm her twin sister, Gigi.

Ned: Is this some kind of joke?

Gigi: No, I'm sorry, but you really do have the wrong girl.

Ned: Wait, if you're Emmaís twin, how come she never talked about you?

Rex: You know, I bet there's a lot Emma doesn't tell you.

Ned: Care to explain that, boy?

Clint: Hey, you call my brother boy one more time and you'll be picking up your teeth.

Lindsay: [As Olympia] Look, here comes her sister now.

Shane: Dad.

Brody: Yeah.

Shane: Is there something wrong with me?

Brody: No, why would you ask that?

Shane: I know why we're here. You and Mom keep fighting about it when you think I'm not around.

Brody: I don't know what you think you've overheard, but --

Shane: I can handle it. I've known it practically my whole life.

Brody: Known what?

Shane: My asthma's not getting any better. That's why I have to take this test. That's why I'm in the hospital again.

Brody: No, that's not it, buddy. Your asthma is under control and it's going to stay that way. We're re for a whole different reason.

Shane: Paternity. So this test is to prove you're my dad?

Brody: Pretty cool, huh?

Shane: But we already know you're my dad.

Antonio: How long before the next exit?

Cristian: A long time.

Antonio: Are you sure?

Cristian: We should have taken that exit.

Antonio: You mean the one with the big blue sign that said Mendorra?

Cristian: It didn't look like the map, okay? How are you doing back there?

Sarah: Stick the girl in the back. What's not to love?

Cristian: You're the shortest.

Sarah: What, now you're calling me short?

Antonio: Look, in case neither one of you have noticed, we're lost.

Cristian: The freaking road signs are in German. What am I supposed to do?

Sarah: Guys, guys, hey, look. We know we're in Mendorra, right? How hard can it be to find the palace? I'm telling you, why don't you just pull over and I'll flag a car down and I'll ask them for directions.

Cristian and Antonio: No.

Sarah: Whoa, can you guys not be such stereotypical men?

Antonio: Look, need I remind you what happened to us the last time we were here? We can't afford to be seen.

Sarah: Okay, all right, babe, why don't you give me the map and you can take my mom's big book of Mendorra's secrets. And I will figure out how to get to the palace while you guys can make up some kind of plan to get Talia out once we get there.

Marty: What's going on down there?

Janet: Oh, Mr. Manning probably just has some guests, so why don't we clean --

Marty: No, we both know Todd doesn't entertain.

Todd: Forget it, get out.

Janet: You're right. That doesn't sound good.

Marty: Please help me down there.

Todd: This is meaningless until my lawyer gives it meaning.

John: Make the call. You want us out of here, give up your guest.

Todd: My guest? I don't know what that means.

John: All right, fellows, let's start upstairs.

Todd: Uh, are you sure you don't want to wait for my lawyer?

John: You might want to get out of here, Jessica. This might get messy.

Officer: Please step out of the way, Sir.

Man: Can I help you with something?

John: You've got to be kidding me. Don't be an idiot. He's going down. You make me work, you're going down even harder.

Todd: God, you wuss. What are you doing? You think I paid --

Tess: Oh, my God! Oh, my God, the baby. Something's wrong with the baby!

Sarah: Okay, uh, in about five kilometers, you're going to hang a right and then hop on the autobahn going north.

Antonio: There better be a big sign that says autobahn.

Sarah: Okay, there will be. And once we get on it, you can go 100 miles an hour and we'll make up for time lost.

Antonio: Right, and kill ourselves before we even get to Talia.

Cristian: We're going to get her out of there, Antonio.

Sarah: Speaking of which, how are we planning on doing that, Cris?

Cristian: Well, the id's John's FBI guy has put together for us got us through passport control. Let's just hope they get us through palace security.

Antonio: Yeah, assuming they weren't thrown together so quickly that they're missing some kind of watermark or something.

Cristian: Antonio, look, I know you want to do this alone, but we're here to help, okay? So you might as well make this work.

Sarah: Okay, so, uh, has my mom's big book of Mendorra secrets given you any ideas?

Cristian: Well, from the way this reads, the palace keeps a pretty tight schedule. I just hope Hesser hasn't changed it up.

Sarah: Okay, so we get in. Then what?

Cristian: All the main royals are assigned some kind of security detail, so we've got to be prepared for that.

Antonio: Yeah, we also need to find a way to get to Talia and get her out of there before Carlo and Jonas clue in and close up the borders.

Cristian: You know, bro, grabbing Talia and taking off won't mean much if we don't neutralize Carlo once and for all.

Brody: Shane.

Shane: I know you're my dad, you know you're my dad. What's to prove?

Brody: I just think about that nightmare you had a few days back about me being taken away from you.

Shane: That was a dumb dream. And I'm not scared now.

Brody: It's okay if you were. Everybody gets scared.

Shane: Even you?

Brody: Even me.

Shane: Okay, yeah, like on navy seal missions where things get messed up and stuff, but you're home now.

Brody: Sometimes the stuff you battle at home is the scariest stuff of all.

Dallas: [As Renee] Good lord, Emma, that man has got it bad for you.

Gigi: [As Emma] If only I felt the same way about him.

Renee: Now, listen, you take my advice and forget about Asa Buchanan and you stick with the man who loves you.

Brody: [As Ned] Apologies, ma'am. I guess I should pay closer attention to who I'm kissing. I knew it was in the family.

Gigi: What just happened?

Rex: You're the one that kissed him.

Gigi: He kissed me.

Rex: Whatever you say. Just, please, God, let me stop bumping into people from 2008 in 1968.

Gigi: Be careful what you wish for.

Rex: Why? What are you talking about?

Gigi: Vietnam. I doubt you'll know anyone there.

Clint: Bo, you remember Dallas, don't you?

Dallas: He looks like he's just seen a ghost. It hasn't been that long, has it?

Bo: No, oh, no, of course not. No, it's good to see you... again.

Clint: Bo?

Bo: Hmm?

Clint: You okay?

Bo: I already told you I'm just fine.

Dallas: Well, I understand. I mean, the man comes home and goes away, comes back to find this creature from the past in his house.

Clint: You're not a creature.

Dallas: Oh, well, I know you just got back, but I didn't want to miss my chance to see you.

Nora: Oh, are you leaving?

Dallas: No, it's just a figure of speech.

Nora: Oh.

Dallas: Yeah.

Bo: What brought you to town, Dallas?

Dallas: Well, I was way past due for a visit to the states, and then when I heard what happened with B.E., I just had to see you all again.

Bo: Well, thank you.

Dallas: I'm so sorry about Asa. You know, he wasn't always easy to like, but your Pa, he was easy as pie to love.

Bo: I couldn't have said it better myself.

Todd: Jessica, are you all right? Where does it hurt?

Tess: No, I'm okay. I'm fine. I think I'm okay now. Oh -- ow. Ow.

Todd: I think she's having contractions.

John: How far along are you?

Tess: I'm in my twelfth week. Ow.

John: Yeah, I need an ambulance to 437 --

Todd: Nothing's going to happen to you and the baby, not on my watch.

Tess: Do you not recognize a distraction when it's screaming in your face? Ow, ow, my baby. God, please don't take my baby.

Todd: Hey, you, go upstairs, get some water, some fresh towels. Upstairs bathroom. Do it!

Tess: [As Jessica] Ow. Oh, God, don't take my baby.

Todd: All right, Meryl, cool it.

John: The ambulance should be here any minute.

Tess: Is that -- is that really necessary?

John: We just -- you fell on the floor in pain. What do you think?

Todd: Yes, that's right, Jessica. Think of the baby.

Tess: Well, I know -- I just feel better now. You know, it's probably just cramps. John, don't ever get pregnant. It's a bitch.

John: Yeah, I'll keep that in mind. Why don't you just wait here until the paramedics check you out?

Tess: Well, they're just going to tell me to stay off my feet and take better care of myself.

John: Where did the bodyguard go?

Janet: Marty, you shouldn't be doing this. You've only gone a few steps --

Marty: You need to take me down there.

Janet: I am not going to do it. Now, stay here, please.

Marty: What's going on? Is Todd all right?

Bodyguard: We have to get you out of here now.

Marty: Why?

Bodyguard: Manning's orders. You're going to have to trust me.

Officer: The ambulance just pulled up.

John: Good, now we can get on with the search.

Tess: Oh, John, can you just stay with me? Todd is no good in these situations.

John: Stay with her.

Todd: Uh, I'm going with you. That search warrant covers the house only. If you and fuzzy britches so much as open a drawer, I'll make you wish you were never born.

Tess: Uh, Todd, Todd, come here. Thank you so much for taking care of me, and, uh... [Whispering] You owe me.

Todd: You just take care of yourself and the baby, Jessica. [Whispering] I don't owe you anything, Tess.

Jared: [As Clint] Ooh-whee, I just want to teach that boy a lesson on how to treat a lady.

Rex: [As Bo] Clint, you're just itching for a fight. Give it up.

Gigi: Yeah, my sister's boyfriend's just excited to see her. He just got home.

Bo: Sorry he's into PDA.

Clint: Pd -- what?

Gigi: He's real affectionate in public.

Lindsay: [As Olympia] And who are you exactly?

Bo: You remember Gigi from the party last night. Remember, ma?

Olympia: Oh, I guess I do. I'm going to plan your homecoming party. It's going to be twice as big as last nightís.

Bo: You don't need to do that, Ma.

Asa: Well, hell, son, a party's not the half of it. We're going to parade you and Chuck Jr. here down the streets of Dallas. And treat you like the heroes you'll be.

Nigel: [As Chuck Sr.] Give them hell, kid, just like me and Asa did when we landed on Omaha Beach.

Chuck: [As Chuck Jr.] We'll make you all proud, you'll see.

Olympia: I don't want to hear this nonsense.

Asa: Oh, woman --

Olympia: I don't care if you have to pull latrine duty or get yourself tossed in the brig, I want you boys to come home safe. Do you hear me? I want you to be safe and alive.

Brody: [As Ned] Were you a good boy for your mom while I was gone?

Gigi: [As Emma] Spencer was... Spencer.

Ned: That bad, huh? Well, Daddy's home. I'll shape him up.

Shane: [As Spencer] You're not my dad.

Ned: Well, you were awful little when I left. It must be hard to recognize me. Let me see if I can help you.

[Ned growls]

Ned: I'm home, boy-o. No more soldiering. You, me, and your mom, we're going to move to Nevada, settle down, maybe even give you a little brother or sister to play with. How would that be? Come on.


Dallas: [As Renee] Oh, I think we'll all be a lot happier back home. Far, far away from here.

Shane: What do you mean by that, the stuff you battle at home? Is it like you trying to get Mom to fall back in love with you?

Brody: I just mean that sometimes civilian life can be just as complicated as a war.

Shane: Okay, but scarier? How? Nobody's shooting at you or exploding IEDs next to your convoy. At home, the worst thing that can happen is you --

Brody: A lot can happen that you're too young to understand.

Shane: Grownup stuff?

Brody: Yeah.

Shane: All I know is you don't get a medal for winning a fight with your mom or cleaning up your room after she yells at you.

Brody: Where do you get this stuff?

Shane: I'm serious. All the medals you won are for being a real hero.

Brody: Do you know what a real hero is? Someone you can count on.

Brody: By taking this test I'll prove to everyone that you can count on me no matter what. Maybe then you won't have any more of those dreams that bug you. And we'll make it legal just in case.

Shane: Are you doing this because Mom keeps not calling? Do you know something about where she is? Is my mom in trouble?

Announcer: Number 211 bound for San Angelo, Midland, El Paso, Fort Bliss is now ready to board.

Asa: That's you, Bo.

Clint: Well, come on, guys, let's wait outside.

Gigi: You don't owe anybody anything. We're stuck 40 years in the past. We don't have anyone. It's just you and me. Let's make a break for it and then lay low and be together.

Rex: I canít.

Gigi: Yes, you can. These people aren't your family, Rex.

Rex: Bo is the closest thing I've ever had to a father. I owe it to him to not mess up his past.

Gigi: Please, don't do this.

Rex: I will come back, Gigi.

Rex: Come see me off?

Chuck Sr.: Keep your weapons clean and dry and your head down. Charlie won't know what hit him.

Chuck: Yes, Sir.

Chuck Sr.: Let me hear you say "yes, sir," boy.

Rex: [As Bo] Yes, Sir.

Chuck Sr.: Stay close to Bo. He's not acting himself.

Chuck: Sure thing. Take care of yourself, Dad.

Chuck Sr.: You do the same, son. You do the same.

Clint: I expect you to step off that bus alive and well, soldier. A new man with his whole life ahead of him.

Bo: I'll do my best.

Olympia: My baby.

Asa: Now, now, the U.S. Army will take good care of him.

Olympia: Can the U.S. Army guarantee that my boy will be safe? That his body won't be shipped back to the United States in some pine box covered in a flag?

Clint: Bo -- Bo is strong, Ma. He's going to make it back.

Olympia: You don't know that. Oh, Bo, Bo, you be good for me. Promise me.

Bo: I will.

Olympia: I will write you every single day.

Clint: Come on, Ma. Come on.

Asa: I wish that woman wouldn't coddle you so. That kind of treatment just makes you weak. Now you listen to me. Don't you trust nobody over there, not a granddaddy with a beard, not a baby in diapers. They won't show you no mercy, boy. Don't you dare show them any. Now, Bo, I want you to know, I... well, you know, you never finished the fence in the south side of the ranch, damn it.

Bo: Well, excuse me --

Asa: I expect you to take care of it. I expect you to take care of that when you get back.

Asa: Well, I guess I should go. I think your little friend over there wants to have a word with you.

Bo: Thank you, Sir.

Rex: [As himself] I guess... this is it.

Gigi: I'm getting a real sick feeling of dťja vu.

Rex: Being back in Texas?

Gigi: No. You don't know this, but I used to daydream all the time about how I'd have said good-bye to you before you left Michigan. I'd think of all the things I would have told you to make you stay, and to make you want me again. But I never knew what you would say back to me.

Rex: You don't have to wonder anymore. Because this isn't good-bye. I'm coming back.

Gigi: I know.

Rex: I'll be in this station, getting off the bus. A new man, says Clint. But not so new I won't still want you like crazy.

Gigi: Say that again.

Rex: I want you. Gigi, we are going to be together.

Gigi: Okay.

Rex: What are you going to do here?

Gigi: I don't know. Oh, my God. You're going off to fight in a war that ended before you were even born. Who cares what I'm going to do now?

Rex: I need to know that you will still be here when I come back. I love you, Gigi.

Clint: Well, Asa put all our girlfriends through the ringer. To him, I think it was some sort of game.

Bo: Yeah, but not you. He always had a soft spot for you.

Nora: Really? I refused to get up on one of those horses he tried to make me ride.

Bo: Well, that's because you stood up to him. He appreciated that.

Clint: Yeah, so long as it wasn't family doing the standing up.

[All laugh]

Dallas: You know, I never got the treatment from Asa. You think that means he didn't take me seriously?

Clint: I kind of think he saw you as a kindred spirit. You remember all those phone calls that we got in London. Those weren't courtesy calls. Asa meant what he said.

Nora: What calls?

Dallas: Oh, he would phone any hour, day or night.

Clint: Yeah, and he'd leave these short, gruff messages.

Dallas: Yeah. "When are you two going to settle down?" Click.

Bo: That's subtle.

Clint: Yeah. Well, I think Asa had us married off the minute he saw you.

Dallas: Well, speaking of settling down, I'm going to be extending my visit, because I've got some business to conduct in town, so does anybody know of a sublet?

Antonio: Mendorra's got an extradition treaty with the U.S. The feds are trying to get Carlo Hesser sent back.

Cristian: That's not going to cut it. We've got to take care of the guy.

Sarah: I am not listening to this.

Cristian: Well, if they send him to the feds, he's going to go to Statesville, which he seems to be able to get out of whenever he wants.

Antonio: I'm not going to disagree with you there. You know, he's been acting like a dictator. Maybe someone's had enough and they'll assassinate his ass.

Cristian: Now you're talking.

Sarah: I'm not listening. Cristian, you're no killer.

Cristian: I'll make an exception for Hesser.

Sarah: Hey, guys. Hey, check this out. "The newly-crowned queen Talia of Mendorra has yet to make her first public appearance. Her absence, coupled with the news blackout from the palace, has many royal watchers wondering whether the brouhaha over the king and queen's coronation is illustrative of greater tensions." Blah, blah, blah. "Sources also say the only means of ensuring the monarchy's stability will be for the king and queen to produce an heir."

Cristian: So what's the upshot?

Sarah: I don't know, it's all pretty tabloidy.

Antonio: Okay, then, so why hasn't Talia been seen? Oh, my God, I hope something bad hasn't happened to her.

Todd: All right, man, that's it. Tour's over.

John: Open it.

Todd: No, no, I'm having it painted. It's pretty strong fumes in there.

John: [Clears throat]

[Woman screaming]

Tess: [As Jessica] Listen, I was in pain, but I'm fine now, honestly.

Paramedic: I think you should still have a sonogram.

Tess: No, no, I'm fine. I'm in my first trimester. Why don't you just go and take an early weekend, okay?

Paramedic: You shouldn't be having contractions this early.

Tess: I wasn't, okay? I'm a hypochondriac. I always have been. I promise I will go and see my O.B. next week, and everything will be fine. Right now I have to be somewhere else.

Janet: Excuse me, can I help you?

Todd: Oh, that's great. Barge in on my housekeeper in the one place in this house that is hers and hers alone.

John: Funny, I don't smell any paint fumes.

Todd: Yeah, well, maybe that was last week.

John: And you're saying you live here, huh?

Janet: And work here. And I don't get a lot of time off.

John: You still don't want to talk about working for Lee Ramsey, do you?

Todd: You know, John, you said you were looking for a woman. You found a woman. Her name's Janet. Now get out.

John: You know, Janet, accessory to kidnapping can land you in Statesville. Is it worth it for what he's paying you?

Officer: Ms. Buchanan insists she's fine.

Second Officer: Nothing here, boss.

Janet: Nothing? Looking for what?

John: Is there anyone else staying in the house with you besides Manning?

Janet: No.

John: Okay. We're not through looking here yet. Let's go.

Tess: [As Jessica] John? Uncle Todd?

Brody: There's nothing wrong with your mom, kiddo.

Shane: But how come she hasn't been calling?

Brody: You getting tired of your old man's company?

Shane: No way.

Brody: No, I mean, I understand. It's got to be a drag, eating pizza every night, playing video games way past your bedtime.

Shane: [Sighs] I love that stuff. It's just... I don't know.

Brody: Your mom is 100% fine, and she'll be back real soon. This whole test thing is really just about nailing things down. I've wanted to do this for a while, way before your mom decided to take her trip. You know, even though you and I both know I'm your dad, there's lots of folks that donít. Like lawyers and judges. I'm not listed on your birth certificate.

Shane: Because Mom thought you were dead.

Brody: Exactly. That's why it's important for us to have a piece of paper that makes it official.

Shane: Mom would be glad we're doing this, because she's always talking about being careful. Like making me wear my bike helmet.

Brody: And that's all this is. Being careful, making sure nobody can mess with our family.

Rex: I can't believe I'm getting on that bus.

Gigi: I want you to stay. But you canít. I know, and I know why, but still, I --

Rex: Can't believe this is happening. Me neither.

Gigi: It feels like we're in a dream, that none of this is real. There's no station, no bus, no army orders telling you to report to some base, some airport, some plane to Vietnam.

Rex: There's no 1968.

Gigi: Or 2008. Just you.

Rex: And you. That's all that matters.

Announcer: Final call for the 211 departing for Fort Bliss. All aboard.

Gigi: I love you, Balsom.

Rex: I love you, too, Morasco.

Antonio: I just wish I knew what the hell was going on inside that palace.

Cristian: Talia can take care of herself.

Antonio: No, no, you don't take care of yourself when Carlo Hesser is your father and he's calling the shots. He's been one step ahead of us the entire time.

Sarah: Maybe not this time. There's no red carpet rolled out.

Cristian: What are you talking about?

Sarah: Look.

Antonio: The palace of Mendorra.

Nora: I have the name of a terrific realtor in town. As a matter of fact, she helped me out when I was going through all of that stuff with Matthew after the fire, before we moved in here.

Dallas: Sounds wonderful.

Nora: Well, I'll go get you her card. I've got it in my book. Why don't you come with me?

Dallas: Thank you. Glad to have you back, Bo.

Bo: You, too, Dallas.

Dallas: And, Clint, if you ever get lonely for a riding partner, you just give me a buzz.

Clint: I will do that.

Bo: How did you let her get away again?

Nora: And there you go, that's her card.

Dallas: Oh, I'll let you know how this works out.

Nora: Good.

Dallas: And maybe we can all go out to dinner some time.

Nora: Oh, I'd like that, I'd like that, if for no other reason than to prove my daughter wrong.

Dallas: Oh?

Nora: Oh, yeah, I told her that you were in town, and she said, "You better watch out, because she's going to be after Clint again."

Dallas: [Laughs] She said that?

Nora: Oh, yeah, you know. Daughters.

[Dallas and Nora laugh]

Dallas: She sounds like a pretty smart cookie. You take care of yourself, now.

Nora: Okay.

Todd: All right, you're done. You didn't find anything, so...

John: Only searched the upstairs.

Todd: Well, why don't you search the basement? It's right through there. You'll find all my mysterious women hidden there.

John: Right. Let's go.

Todd: Where'd you go, Tess?

Tess: [Normal voice] Okay, Todd, what are you hiding? Yoo-hoo.

Brody: [As Ned] Oh, I missed you, honey. I missed you, too, kiddo.

Gigi: I can't do this.

Technician: You guys are good to go. Let's get your samples.

Gigi: Rex.

Brody: [As himself] I'm actually running late. Is it okay if I just leave these with you?

Gigi: I can't let you get on that bus. Not until I say what I have to say.

Technician: Well, it's not exactly lab policy.

Brody: Look, my wife and I are going through a real messy divorce, and she's making all sorts of crazy claims like my son isn't really my son. I've got to prove her wrong. But I have to get back to work, too. If I lose my job, she'll take the kid for sure.

Technician: Bitch.

Bus driver: Do you have a ticket, Sir?

Rex: What are you trying to say?

M.P.: Is there a problem here?

Technician: Us dads have got to stick together.

Brody: Thanks, man.

Shane: When do we find out whether we passed the test?

Technician: Tomorrow.

Brody: It'll be official. You'll be my son.

M.P.: Come on, Sarge.

Gigi: No. Rex, don't fight to come home just for me. Fight for Shane, too. He's your son.

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