[an error occurred while processing this directive] OLTL Transcript Tuesday 10/2/01 [an error occurred while processing this directive]
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One Life to Live Transcript Tuesday 10/2/01

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Provided by Amanda 
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Max: Asa's dead.

Gabrielle: Oh, Max.

Max: We did it, Gabrielle!

Gabrielle: Is the nightmare finally over?

Max: It is, thanks to your brilliant plan. Oh, now I understand how much you love me.

Gabrielle: Oh, but, Max, do you love me?

Max: Oh, don't you know? I love you. I always will.

Gabrielle: Oh. [Gabrielle chuckles]

Gabrielle: Now what?

Max: Oh, what does it matter? This is the way it was meant to be -- you and me forever.

Gabrielle: Gabrielle and Max, the way it was meant to be.

Asa: Your time is up, woman. Now, are you going to help me pay back Holden for what he did to me so you can still live this life of luxury, you and your son, or are you going to go soft on Holden and force me to kick you back in the gutter where you came from? Well, have you made up your mind?

Gabrielle: Yes, as a matter of fact, I have.

Nurse: Good news, cutie.

Al: Oh, yes. Flattery is definitely part of the recovery process.

Jen: Right.

Nurse: Doc's springing you today. No more room service, so pack up.

Jen: That's great.

Al: You don't have to tell me twice.

Jen: I'm going to call your parents to come pick you up.

Al: No. No, no, no, don't. Do not call.

Jen: Wow. Ok.

Al: No, I'm sorry. It's not you. It's just -- I need time off from my mom. Ok?

Jen: Doesn't she need to sign you out or something?

Al: I can sign myself out. I'm an adult.

Jen: Come on, are you really that mad at her?

Al: She let that scam artist take advantage of her again.

Jen: Who, Max?

Al: Yeah. Every time he comes around, she completely forgets everything he's done to us, I mean, for years, and I'm not going to forget it. I'm not.

Jen: I know all about out-of-control moms.

Al: Yeah, it's like -- it's like you're a kid, you know, and you assume -- you assume your parents are sane till you get older and realize they're as clueless as you are.

Jen: Forget it. I'm going to give you a ride home, and I promise not to spin out.

Al: Oh, come on. Not going to spin out? What, it's like I had a motorcycle accident? No fun.

Jen: Come on, seriously.

Al: Ok, ok.

Jen: But I have to call Cristian first.

Al: Oh. I'm not asking my parents for anything anymore. Not that Max, my so-called father, ever came through for me anyway.

Max's voice: Look, I don't blame you for being angry with me.

Al's voice: You don't blame me? That's a good one. Are you going to blame me for telling you to get the hell out of here?

Max’s voice: All right. Listen, I can't -- I can't make you listen to me, but you can't stop me from loving you.

Al’s voice: Would you just get out? Just get out -- get out! Leave! Get out!

Max’s voice: Ok.

R.J.: Hey, Max. What's the matter with you, man? You look like you lost your best friend.

Max: Oh, worse, much worse. My son.

R.J.: Oh. Right, yeah. Yeah, I heard he laid his bike down. Is he ok?

Max: Physically, he's fine.

R.J.: Is there something else?

Max: Hates my guts.

R.J.: Man, he's just going through that rebellion thing, finding his own space, getting back at you.

Max: This goes way beyond that. He feels I wasn't there for him for years, I abandoned him and his mother.

R.J.: Well, that's all pretty much true, isn't it?

Max: I -- don't start with me!

R.J.: Ok, man. I'm sorry. Wow. Wow, he really hurt you.

Max: Oh, man, he doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't want to see me, doesn't want me in the same room.

R.J.: Oh, and I bet Asa's just throwing lots of bucks at him and the ex, huh? That's tough. Wish I could help.

Max: Well, you can't. I better get out of here. Well, you look like you don't have a care in the world.

R.J.: Oh, but I do. You want to hear about it?

Max: No.

R.J.: Well, that's fine, fine, because if all goes according to plan, my troubles are about to disappear.

Keith: It's your own fault, Amigo. Why didn't you just drink the damn soda?

[Phone rings]

Keith: I hate doing things twice!


Cristian's voice: Yep, it's the machine. You know what to do.

[Answering machine beeps]

Jen: Hey, it's me. I'm giving Al a ride home from the hospital, but you can call me on my cell or I'll call you.

Keith: Ok --

Jen: I miss you. I can't wait to see you later. Bye.

Blair's voice: "I don't think that there's anything left between us except one thing -- this baby. It's not Max's."

[Blair sighs]

Blair's voice: "It's your baby, Todd. It's ours."

Blair: Oh. I want to tell you the truth, Todd, but I'm not a fool. I can't. I can't.

Addie:  What's wrong? Are you upset? Sweetheart, is it about the letter?

Blair: What letter?

Blair: You'll never know the truth, Todd. I'll keep this secret with me to my grave.

Addie: Take it, Todd. It's for you.

Todd: What the hell is it?

Addie: You shouldn't swear. The nuns don't like it.

Todd: Ok. What is it?

Addie: It's a letter, silly!

Todd: Well, why'd you write me a letter, Addie?

Addie: Oh! No wonder Blair says you drive her crazy!

Todd: You are so in the right place. Why don't you just tell me what's in the letter.

Addie: You're not supposed to read other people's mail. Do you want me to go to jail?

Todd: Focus.

Addie: Um -- it's from Blair. Take it. It won't bite.

Todd: I -- I don't -- I don't get it. Is this some kind of an art project?

Addie: Huh?

Todd: "Dear Heaven --"Well, that's me -- Mr. Heaven.

Addie: To Blair, you are. It's her handwriting.

Todd: Yeah, I can tell. "I love anything." That's an understatement. I don't have time for this gibberish, Addie.

Addie: What -- what's gibberish?

Todd: Gibberish is what comes out of your mouth when you've got nothing but scrambled eggs for brains -- exhibit A!

Addie: Did I do something wrong?

Todd: Why are you showing this to me, Addie?

Addie: Because Blair wanted you to see it. She wrote it for you.

Todd: Of course. "Truth is good." "Todd, too far go--" "I love Max's baby."

Addie: Gee, it says that? It says --

Todd: You know, you tell Blair if she wanted to rub it in, it's not going to work.

Addie: "Rub it in"?

Todd: The fact that she's having another man's baby.

Addie: Well -- oh, dear! Oh, not again!

Todd: No! No, you leave it! Leave it alone! I'm in the mood to kill the messenger.

Addie: What?

Todd: I got to go. I got to -- where am I going? I got to go pick Starr up. Take it easy, Addie.

Addie: Oh, dear. Not again.

Ben: So you want me to be part of your plan? Wow. I like that. I'm good at keeping a secret.

Allison: Even one as big as this?

Ben: If I can be with you, I'll zip my lip and throw away the zipper.

Allison: Maybe I can hold on to that zipper for you.

Ben: Ok. But how can I help you with your plan if I don't know what the plan is? Are you going to tell me?

Allison: Uh-huh. But you can't tell anybody -- not Dr. Cohen and especially not Dr. Cummings.

Ben: I don't tell Dr. Cohen everything. She just thinks I do.

Allison: I knew I liked you.

Ben: Me, too.

Allison: So it's our secret -- yours, mine, and one other person.

Ben: Another person? Well, who is that?

Allison: What's wrong? Do you know him?

Ben: I -- I just thought I saw a monster, and I still may be right.

Allison: Oh. You're so cute.

Ben: So, this other person who knows the plan -- who is it? I don't want to share you even if I have to share the plan.

Allison: I'm all yours, Dave. Now, come real close and I'll tell you every little detail.

Asa: You spare me the runaround, Gabrielle. Our plan was to fake my demise and frame that hyena for the whole damn thing.

Gabrielle: Asa, I have hardly forgotten.

Asa: Really? Because from where I'm standing, I see Holden getting to you. And lady, that would be one big mistake.

Gabrielle: My darling, I have made enough mistakes to last me a lifetime. I am hardly going to repeat any of them.

Asa: But I'm going to tell you, if you do, you are going to regret it. Statesville will seem like paradise.

Gabrielle: Asa, nothing has changed! The last few days have been a little hard. My son has been in a hospital. I thought I was going to lose him!

Asa: Yeah, that boy's kind of grown on me, too. I like having him around.

Gabrielle: Yeah, and, you know, I think he loves you, too. And if it weren't for the latest setback, I don't think I've ever seen him so happy.

Asa: He and I have something in common -- we both despise Max Holden. And I will bet that Al will be destroyed if you run off with that weasel, but I will be there for him. You see, lady, I know about betrayal.

Gabrielle: I'm not going anywhere, all right? Especially not with Max.

Asa: Good. But if you lost your nerve, you are no damn good to me.

Gabrielle: Oh. Asa, I spent six brutal years behind bars for my son's sake. I'm not leaving him now -- not for Max, not for anyone.

Asa: That's very reassuring. For a moment there, I thought you were going to get all misty eyed and stupid.

Gabrielle: Asa, I was faking it. Max fell for it, and apparently, I fooled you, too.

Asa: Well, I'll tell you, lady, I got to hand it to you. You're one damn good actress.

Gabrielle: Oh, Asa. Come on, now. Al almost died. I was confused, very worried. Give a girl a break. Max did save his life, didn't he?

Asa: It's not like he took a bullet for the kid. He gave some blood, ate a cracker, and went on his merry way.

Gabrielle: All right, all right, all right. You're right, you're right, and now that Al is on the mend, I can't wait to finish off what world Max has left, ok? All right?

Asa: Ok. And you got the pills I gave you, right?

Gabrielle: I got the pills. They're right here. They're just waiting for Max's fingerprints, that's all.

Asa: And that's where they have to be.

Gabrielle: Mm-hmm.

Asa: That poison is what the police have to find. And it's got to have the killer's prints.

Gabrielle: I know that, and I assure you, my friend, it will be done.

Asa: Now, you're sure you're up to it? Because I am counting on you to handle it.

Gabrielle: Consider it done, Asa.

Max: Well. What's going on in here?

Antonio: Cris? Cris, what's going on in there?

[Cristian coughs]

Antonio: Can you breathe? Can you breathe?

Cristian: That was the mugger. Someone's trying to kill me, Antonio.

Gabrielle: We were actually discussing our son's health.

Max: Well, what is it? Is he all right?

Asa: It's none of your business, Holden.

Gabrielle: Yes, he is. He's better than all right. The doctors are going to send him home soon.

Max: Yeah, no thanks to you. Some father.

Asa: Stay away from this freeloader. I'll be right back.

Max: Asa's right. You don't want to be near me right now.

Gabrielle: Max, I have to talk to you quickly before Asa comes --

Max: I'm not in the mood!

Gabrielle: Would you please be quiet?

Max: No, please --

Gabrielle: Listen to me because we don't have a lot of time.

Max: I'm not going to protect you! You married the guy, you deal with him.

Gabrielle: Be quiet! This is a matter of life and death!

Allison: Mmm, Mmm. You smell really good, Dave.

Ben: I do?

Allison: Yeah, not like the shampoo they give us to use. I can't wait to buy my own shampoo.

Ben: I can't wait to hear the plan.

Allison: Oh, God, it's been so long since I've touched a man's hair.

Ben: Ok, I'm really not good at waiting. Could you hurry up and tell me the plan before the penguin sisters show up?

Allison: Oh. You're right, Dave. These walls do have ears.

Ben: Walls have ears?

Allison: No, but nuns do -- big ones.

Ben: I won't tell!

Allison: It's too risky.

Ben: Well, don't you like me anymore?

Allison: Oh, no, more than ever. But -- and I promise I'll tell you everything, just not right now.

Ben: Yeah, but when? You're leaving soon!

Allison: Shh! I'll tell you everything on the day I get out of here, when you and I are finally alone.

Ben: Damn.

Sam: Are you out of your mind?

Blair: Thank you.

Woman: You look like you could have that baby any minute.

Blair: Well, hopefully for you, I won't, huh?

Woman: You're certainly brave, flying at how many months? Are you headed home to the baby's daddy?

Blair: Actually, I'm heading as far away as possible from the baby's daddy. Look, it's a long story, and it's not my fault. He took my other daughter away from me, and he is not going to get his hands on this child.

Starr: I've seen that stupid movie three times already.

R.J.: Oh. This day gets worse and worse.

Todd: So did you scream out how the movie ends like you did the last time you were on a plane?

Starr: Yeah, and one woman called me a wretched urchin. They'll let anybody into first class these days. What's first about it anymore?

Todd: Yeah, well, life sucks, Starr. But then you die.

Starr: I should at least get a free ticket.

Todd: Ok. I'll look into it.

Starr: And why'd you bring me back, anyway? You couldn't wait to send me to that stupid boarding school.

Todd: Well, maybe I missed you.

Starr: Why else?

Todd: "Why else"? Well, I decided that it was safe for you to come home now.

Starr: Why? It wasn't safe before?

Todd: No.

Starr: Why? What's different?

Todd: Your mother's left town, Starr, for good.

Starr: Why'd she do that?

Todd: She wanted to be alone with Max's baby. This is the way we wash our face…


Max: I don't want to get involved in your family psychodrama, Gabrielle. Look, Al's in the hospital! My plate's full!

Gabrielle: Max, listen to me.

Max: Asa thinks that he's dangerous when it comes to his flesh and blood? Well, let me tell you something. He hasn't seen me get started! I'm winning Al back if it kills me!

Gabrielle: Max, and I are here to help you do it.

Max: What?

Gabrielle: Now, I know that you and Al can be father and son again as though Asa never existed.

Max: Ok, what's the joke? What's up?

Gabrielle: No, there's no joke. Listen to me. I'm on your side.

Max: Since when and for how long?

Gabrielle: Please, just hear me out, all right? If we work together, we can solve all of our problems once and for all.

Max: All right. I'm listening. I don't trust you as far as I can throw you, but I'm listening.

Gabrielle: Good. Good.

Asa: Great news! My son is home.

Gabrielle: Al.

Ben: What the hell are you doing here?

Sam: I'm keeping an eye on you. I just caught a little of your latest escapade, and I'm beginning to think I should book you a room here -- a rubber room.

Ben: No. No, thanks. Nuns make me nervous.

Sam: Well, they should, especially if they find out you're posing as a patient.

Ben: They won't. I'm a better criminal than you are.

Sam: What if someone saw you kissing that woman? I mean, Todd Manning would love to plaster that on the front page of "The Sun." I can see the headlines now. "When the cat's away, the --"

Ben: Relax, relax, all right, because no one saw.

Sam: I saw.

Ben: Well, then, don't call the tabloids.

Sam: Ok, what do you think you're doing here?

Ben: Listen to me. Allison Perkins has a plan set up for when she gets out of here, and I think Viki is the key.

Sam: You told me all that.

Ben: Look, Allison was about to tell me the rest of it.

Sam: And why do you think that is, Ben? Do you need a neon sign? That woman is in love with you.

Ben: It's a small crush, and it's on Dave. It's harmless.

Sam: Ben, she's a mental patient!

Ben: Listen to me. If I can handle Gina Russo, I can handle a woman that's been brain-dead for half her life.

Sam: May I remind you what happened when you rejected Gina Russo?

Ben: Yeah, that's a good point. That's exactly why I won't put Viki in this kind of danger ever again. Now, I appreciate you trying cover my back, but I can handle it.

Sam: Maybe this Allison isn't as fragile as you think she is.

Ben: Trust me, she's not. Friends close, enemies closer. That's the best way I know how to protect my wife.

Sam: Why don't you just tell Viki about your suspicions?

Ben: No. No. No!

Sam: Or -- here's a radical idea. Tell her doctors.

Ben: If Allison has a plan to hurt Viki, I guarantee you she's got her shrinks fooled.

Sam: No, not if you tell them what you know.

Ben: But I don't know enough. Now, I'm not going to back off Allison Perkins till I find out what her plan is and what it has to do with my wife.

Antonio: Take it slow. Come on.

Cristian: I'm fine. I'm fine. Just -- just give me a minute, ok?

Antonio: All right.

Cristian: Oh.

Antonio: What happened?

Cristian: He must -- he must have been waiting outside when you left.

Antonio: I -- I didn't see anyone.

Cristian: Yeah, well, he jumped me from behind right after you walked out. And this time I got a good look at his face, Antonio. The guy means business. If you hadn't shown up when you did, I would have been --

Antonio: On the losing end of that battle.

Cristian: No kidding.

Antonio: We need to take you to get checked out.

Cristian: Wait, he said something. He said he hated doing things twice and why I didn't drink the drink and -- and make things easy on myself.

Antonio: You think he meant this?

Cristian: No. No. Jen bought that for me at the student union. I -- I don't know what he meant.

Antonio: You drank some of it?

Cristian: No, no. I'm telling you, Jen got that for me.

Antonio: Look, I don't care if Jen got it for you. He could have poisoned it.

Cristian: Poisoned?

Antonio: Yeah. Cris, what do you think? This is some kind of practical joke?

Antonio: Doesn't smell quite right to me.

Cristian: Antonio, Jen almost drank that. She poured it in the glass, then spilled it when the phone rang. She could have died because of me!

Antonio: Its ok, Cris. She didn't. All right? All right, there's enough in here to get it analyzed. And with some luck, we'll get some fingerprints.

Cristian: I don't get it, Antonio. Who is this guy? Why is he trying to kill me?

Antonio: Well, did his face ring any bells?

Cristian: I've never seen him before in my life. So, what are you thinking?

Antonio: He's a pro. Somebody hired him.

Cristian: Who would do that?

Antonio: Good question. Who do you know that wants you dead?

R.J.: Not this.

Todd: Oh, look. This park has rats.

Starr: Where? I like rats!

R.J.: Just smile, honey. The dullard was making a joke.

Starr: I don't get it.

Todd: Lucky you.

Starr: And don't change the subject, Daddy. Where's Mommy?

Todd: I don't know.

Starr: Well, find out and bring her back.

Todd: Why? I thought you wanted to live with me.

Starr: And Mommy, too, like a normal family.

Todd: It's not going to happen, Starr. You know, the last time you saw your mother, you were pretty mad at her. You told her you never wanted to see her ever again.

Starr: I didn't mean it. I was just mad about the baby. You don't mean everything when you yell. Why should I?

Todd: Well, I mean it when I yell it.

Starr: So do I, but I'm over it now.

Todd: Starr, the -- the thing is that your mother's not just your mother anymore. This baby, Max's baby, and your mother are like a package deal, you know?

Starr: That voodoo lady was right. That stupid baby wrecked everything. Why can't it be your baby, daddy?

Todd: Because it's not.

Starr: Why not?

Todd: Because it's not. You know, it's a little late to fix that now.

Starr: I want to go see Grandma. You gave her the presents, didn't you?

Todd: Well, you said that I should, right?

Starr: Well, let's go see if she liked it.

Todd: Ok, but your grandmother's been acting a little funny lately.

Starr: What else is new?

Todd: Well, just don't say I didn't warn you.

Starr: Mm-hmm.

Addie: Why did Todd yell at me, on my birthday? I must have done something very bad. Here. Got to do it right. Oh, that fits perfectly! There. That looks wonderful.

Asa: Sit down, son. You've lost a lot of blood.

Al: I'm just happy to have all those machines unhooked, dad.

Gabrielle: Sweetheart, Asa's right. You've been through a tremendous ordeal. You should take it easy.

Max: You look good, though. You gave us quite a scare.

Al: I'm sorry I wrecked the bike, Dad.

Asa: You can have 10 if you want. I'm just real happy you're back home where you belong.

Al: Me, too.

Gabrielle: Now, Darling, why didn't you call me? I could have come have come and helped you. I know there was a lot of paperwork to do --

Al: Mom, I took care of it. Jen was with me. I didn't need you.

Max: Al --

Al: I'll take care of myself like I always do.

Asa: Well, sure, you can, Al. But guess what. You don't have to. You see, you're a real Buchanan now, just like Clint, Bo, and Cord. You have a family. Anything you need, you just ask.

Al: Guess I'll get used to that one day.

Jen: I guess I'd better go. I'm glad you're ok.

Gabrielle: Jen, thank you so much for bringing him home.

Al: I'll walk you out, ok?

Jen: Ok.

Jen: The air was pretty thick in there.

Al: Yeah, you picked up on that, huh?

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Al: Bet you're sorry you came.

Jen: Hey, I've got family, too.

Al: Thanks for giving me a ride. There's no way I could have dealt with all three of them at the hospital.

Jen: No problem.

Al: It was really embarrassing.

Jen: No problem. [Phone rings]

Jen: Hello? Ok. Let him know I'll be right there. Bye. That was Joe from Break Bar. I'm supposed to meet Cristian in the park. Listen, if things get too tense, call me. I know how bad things can be sometimes. Ok?

Al: I will. Thanks.

Asa: You know, it's strange, isn't it, Holden? You give that boy your blood and he can't stand the sight of you.

Max: I'm his father, and that's a fact.

Asa: If I were you, I'd forget that fact and save yourself the misery.

Max: He almost got killed at that crash. What are you thinking, giving a kid a machine like that?

Asa: Al was never a kid. He had to be a man his whole life because you were not up to it.

Max: Shut up! You shut up right now or you're going to regret it.

Asa: Oh, ho-ho, did you hear that, Sweetheart? Maxy threatened me.

Gabrielle: Yes, my darling. I heard every word.

Sam: Ok, look, Ben, I know you're trying to protect Viki, but you're doing it all wrong.

Ben: Well, you got a better idea? Because right now I might be the only guy who's not convinced that Allison Perkins is vying for some kind of sainthood.

Sam: Well, I suppose I would do the same thing if I were you.

Ben: Oh, I'd like to think you would, Sam.

Sam: I mean, after all I did break into Troy MacIver's apartment and throw him out the window.

Ben: Which, by the way, was a very rational approach.

Sam: Well, I'm not very rational when it comes to Nora's safety.

Ben: See? You are my brother after all.

Sam: Yeah.

Ben: Yeah. So have I convinced you that I'm not crazy?

Sam: I don't know. But look -- you know -- Ben, I know I can't talk you out of this, but why don't you just call it a day, you know? Go home and give it a break, you know, before one of these eagle-eyed nuns catches on to what you're doing.

Ben: Ok, ok, fine, I will, but I got news for you. Dave lives.

 [Phone rings]

Sam: Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello! Hel-- hello? Look, I --

Todd: Look, Starr. Nora finally sent Sam completely around the bend. What's it like here, Sam? I hear the fish is good on Friday's.

Sam: That's funny. Hi, Starr.

Starr: Hi.

Todd: You know what, Starr? Why don't you go see your grandmother all by yourself? I think I've had enough of her and her arts and crafts. Go on.

Starr. Don't make fun of her for eating all that paste.

Sam: Did you find Blair? Did you tell her what I told you to tell her?

Todd: Nah. Blair and mini-Max took a one-way flight to some mysterious destination.

Sam: She left town? You don't know where?

Todd: She thinks I don't, but -- Sam, listen to me. I could care less about what happens to Blair.

Sam: You're lying, Todd.

Todd: Am I? Well, you know me so well.

Sam: Well, I do, and I know Blair, and she has something to tell you, something you definitely do want to hear.

Todd: She already told me. Her and her mother -- they pasted me together this little note, and, you know, I don't speak gibberish, but I got the gist. I'm too far gone, and she loves the guts out of Max's baby.

Sam: She said that? Are you sure?

Todd: It's like I said, Sam, I don't speak crackpot, but -- yeah, that was the general idea.

[Addie laughs]

Addie: That's the best birthday song I've ever heard.

Starr: Did you like your present?

Addie: I loved it. I love dragons.

Starr: It's an iguana.

Addie: Oh. I've got you a present, too.

Starr: It's not more knitting, is it?

Addie: No. It's a collage.

Cristian: And the only person I can think of is Lindsay. She hates me.

Antonio: Hates you enough to have somebody kill you?

Cristian: No, no, I don't think she's that crazy. Well, what if Jen had been here?

Antonio: Yeah, yeah. She'd never put her daughter at risk like that.

Cristian: R.J.

Antonio: You're his right-hand man.

Cristian: Well, a few days ago I found him in my place. He was alone. He said he was looking for something -- a loose wire --

Antonio: Wait, Cris, why didn't you tell me that?

Cristian: I didn't think anything of it. He said it could have been a fire hazard, and then he started talking to me about loyalty.

Antonio: Oh, man. What if he found out you were working undercover and that you were trying to break him down?

Cristian: Well, I helped shut down R.J.'s illegal operation. If he knows that, he's got to be furious.

Antonio: Furious enough to hire someone to kill you?

Asa: Gabrielle, I want you to remember exactly every word Holden said. Write it down if you have to. You may have to testify when I call Bo for a restraining order.

[Door closes]

Max: How could I have ever loved that beast the way I thought I did?

Gabrielle: Well, at least you didn't marry him.

Max: To think I wanted him to be my father.

Gabrielle: Say what you will about Asa, but he's a very good father to Al, a better one than you ever were.

Max: Well, he's not Al's father! And I don't want him anywhere near my son. If I could find a way to get rid of him right now for good, I'd do it in a second.

Gabrielle: Well, that could be arranged.

Sam: Are you absolutely sure that you understood what Blair said about the baby?

Todd: You know, this whole little game that you're playing now is giving me a headache. You got something to say to me about Blair, come on, just say it.

Blair: What I'm about to tell you -- you have to promise to keep it a secret.

Sam: Ok. I'm your lawyer, Blair. Whatever you tell me is protected by attorney-client privilege.

Blair: No, you got to more than protect it, Sam. You have to swear on your life that you won't tell another living soul.

Sam: Ok, you care about Blair.

Todd: Yeah, ok. You're going to give me a speech?

Sam: All right. I'll fast-forward then. If you care about Blair at all, you'll go find her, wherever she is, and tell her. You'll tell her that you love her. End of speech.

Todd: Tell Blair that I love her?

Allison: Dave?

[Phone rings]

Allison: What's up? That's perfect. That means everything's ready to go. Viki? Don't worry about Viki. Viki will have no say in the matter.

Todd: What's that?

Starr: It's a present from Grandma. It's art.

Todd: I thought it was noodles. If we get hungry, we can boil up some water and serve this with a little spaghetti sauce. Come on, let's go.

Blair: Whew!

Blair: Todd is your daddy. Todd is your daddy, little baby, and here I am running all the way away from -- away from him. Oh, I wish he were here so he could just tell me if I'm doing the right thing.

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