All My Children Transcript Thursday 4/14/11


Episode #10599

Provided by Suzanne
Proofread by

Jake: Just a little bit more, and open. Open. Surprise!

Amanda: Oh! When did you have time to do this?

Jake: I have my ways.

Amanda: I didn't even know you were off this morning.

Jake: After pulling two all-nighters, I decided I'm gonna pull a little rank. What's the point of being the chief of staff if you can't enjoy the perks, right? Right?

Amanda: Your daddy is pretty amazing, huh?

Jake: I don't know about that.

Amanda: So what do we have here?

Jake: Nothing major. We got a little of this, and we got a little of that.

Griffin: Hey. Cara, I've lived in worse. At least I have a roof over my head, even if it is leaking some kind of mystery fluid.

Cara: This isn't funny, Griff.

Griffin: Sorry. Did you get any word on Kendall?

Cara: Other than the words that put you in this cell?

Ricky: You think you can get to Castillo in his cell? I want him out of the way as soon as possible. Ohh.

Kendall: Everything ok with your parishioner?

Ricky: Actually, he's a cop.

Kendall: Oh. In Pine Valley? Did you hear something on Griff?

Ricky: His bail was denied.

Kendall: Oh. Wow.

Ricky: Yeah. I know. Hey, look, if you want to make a call --

Kendall: Uh, no. It's ok.

Ricky: Are you sure? I'm sure the prosecution thinks they have a very strong case, but if you're unsure --

Kendall: No. You know what? We've got to get this rehearsal started. It is time.

Ricky: Ok.

Tad: To the best of my knowledge, Kendall is still in St. Barts at her mother's wedding.

Griffin: Good.

Cara: Griff, you should be worrying about yourself. Ok? But since you clearly refuse to do that...

Griffin: Where are you going?

Cara: I'm gonna call your lawyer, Griff, and I'm gonna tell him that "we'll get 'em at the trial" -- that's not good enough for me! I'm gonna file an appeal, I'm gonna get you out on bail, like, now!

Tad: She's a little upset.

Griffin: Yeah, you think? Didn't notice. I guess I don't blame her.

Tad: I don't either. Just for the record, I didn't want to say this in front of her, but we wouldn't be having this conversation between bars if you'd been straight with me from the beginning.

Bianca: Ok. I'm sitting, so just go. Go. Tell me.

Marissa: Reese is granting full custody.

Bianca: What?

Marissa: Yeah. It's over, Bianca.

Bianca: I don't--did you actually speak to her? She said she's giving up?

Marissa: No. I did even better than that. I spoke to her lawyer. You won.

Bianca: We won?!

Marissa: Yes, yes! Ha ha ha! Yes!

Jack: If Erica gets here soon, we'll actually start this on time.

Kendall: You know how Mom likes to make an entrance. She does, indeed, and so do other people.

Jack: Oh, wow! Looks like somebody else likes to make an entrance, too!

Greenlee: Did we miss the practice round?

Jack: No. It's just about to start. I didn't think you could make it.

Greenlee: So did I, but what kind of daughter would I be if I missed my own father's wedding -- even if it is to Erica Kane?

Jack: Very big of you, truly. Come here, come here. Oh. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad all of you are here.

Ryan: We decided we needed a little family time, so we jumped on it.

Jack: Great. Because that's what this is all about, family, and now I've got mine around me when I marry the woman I love.

Caleb: Dorothy, you don't have to do what you've always done. Try something different. Give us a chance.

Erica: I don't know what to say.

Caleb: You don't have to say anything. Just leave this island with me.

Erica: An island I came to to marry Jack.

Caleb: It doesn't mean you have to go through with it. Come with me. I guarantee you won't regret it.

Erica: I can't just pack up my things and leave with you.

Caleb: Why not?

Erica: For starters, I love Jack, and he's a man I've known much longer than you.

Caleb: Hmm. Dorothy, it's not about time -- 10 years, 10 minutes -- it's about this. It's about what you feel. You and I are connected. You're gonna tell me you don't feel it?

Erica: All right. I'm not denying that. But --

Caleb: But what?

Erica: Ok, what happens next? You whisk me away to destination unknown?

Caleb: Anywhere you want to go.

Erica: And then we're just supposed to what, live happily ever after?

Caleb: Sounds good to me.

Erica: It sounds insane to me. Look, I know that you've been up on the mountain for a very long time, but in the real world, Caleb, things are not that black and white. There are consequences.

Caleb: I understand that -- Jack, explaining it to your family.

Erica: You're really serious, aren't you?

Caleb: Dorothy, I have never been more serious about anything in my life. I could throw you over my shoulder, carry you down to that airplane, but I'm not gonna do that, because this has to be your choice -- and I hope you make the right choice. I'll be waiting for you at the airport. The plane leaves soon.

Greenlee: Where's the bride?

Jack: That's a good question. Let me go see if I can find out what's holding her up.

[Opal remembers]

Caleb: Somebody reminded me that I should go after what I want, and I want Erica.

Ryan: I have to say I am very impressed. You're very restrained. She's not even here yet. This was your chance to tell your dad what a big mistake he's making.

Greenlee: What can I say? I love him. But I tell you, being gracious? Not easy.

Emma: Can we go see the ocean now?

Ryan: Yeah. I think we have time. You game?

Greenlee: Yeah.

Emma: Forget it.

Ryan: Ems --

Greenlee: Let me.

Ryan: Hey. So how's everything? You ok?

Kendall: Uh, yeah. Yeah. Sure.

Ryan: That was convincing.

Kendall: Um, we just found out that Griffin didn't make bail.

Ryan: I'm not terribly surprised about that. They found a dead woman in his bed and drugs from the hospital there.

Kendall: He keeps saying that he was set up.

Ryan: I'm sorry, because I know he helped you out a lot. I want you to know that my guys are on this, and they're looking into the casino partners and all of it. Ok?

Kendall: Great. Just, please, Ryan, don't say anything to Mom or Jack, ok? They don't know anything about this. This is their special, happy time.

Ryan: Ok. You got it. I promise. Ok. I'll be back.

Ricky: All right. You sure you're all right?

Kendall: I'm trying to be. Part of me wishes that I never said anything, but what if it's true? What if he really did kill that woman?

Tad: I went to the hospital, asked you if you knew anything about drugs disappearing. You looked me in the face, shook your head, and walked away.

Griffin: I know.

Tad: And while I may not think that you're capable of strangling somebody to death, I'm wondering -- while I'm standing here -- if you're hiding anything else.

Griffin: There's nothing else.

Tad: No more secrets?

Griffin: You have my word, if it still means anything. Look, I didn't want you to have to lie for me. Ok? That's why I didn't tell you about the antibiotics, which are the only drugs that I touched.

Tad: Who says I'd lie for you? Oh. It does mean something, your word, which makes what I'm about to do a little bit more palatable.

Griffin: What are you about to do?

Tad: I'm gonna make an appeal to somebody that, if I had my guess, is probably gonna laugh in my face.

[Erica remembers]

Erica's voice: I love Jack. I'm gonna marry Jackson. You have to give up this fantasy.

Caleb: It's not a fantasy. I've waited a long time to feel alive again.

Jack: You and me, us, together is inevitable.

Caleb: I've changed because of you. It's real, and that's not going away.

Erica: Caleb, you have to stop this right now.

Caleb: You want me to stop because what I'm feeling, you're feeling, too.

Jack's voice: You have angered me, bewildered me, baffled me, frustrated me. You have also loved me so much, like I love you.

Erica's voice: I say make your own kismet, choose your own destiny.

Jack: Will you marry me again?

[Knock on door]

Erica: Opal!

Opal: It could've been Jack, but I convinced him to let me come instead. Were my heebie-jeebies right? Did Mountain Man find you?

Erica: Caleb stopped by, all right.

Opal: "Stopped by"? Like, he came to offer you a crumpet or something?

Erica: He offered me lots more than that.

Opal: Oh, sweet Lord!

Erica: He wants us to just leave right now. He wants me to forget Jack. He wants me to forget everything and just run off with him and start a whole new life with him.

Opal: Oh, my stars! So?

Erica: That's essentially all he said.

Opal: I don't care what he said. I care what you said.

Erica: I'm still here, aren't I?

Opal: That doesn't mean squat, and you know it! Do you want to go with him or not?

Ryan: You realize it's all downhill from here, right? She's making you wait at your own wedding, so imagine what it's gonna be like in 7 years.

Jack: Lucky for her, I'm a very patient man.

Ryan: Yes, you are.

Jack: Listen, it is so good to see all of you together like this. It's one big, happy family, which is long overdue.

Ryan: You have no idea.

Greenlee: Remember the last time we were at a wedding, I was marrying your dad. Remember how much fun it was picking out your flower girl dress, practicing walking down the aisle -- in my case, limping.

Emma: I remember. Do you want to know what else I remember?

Greenlee: What?

Emma: That as soon as you saw Daddy, you didn't care about me.

Greenlee: That's not true.

Emma: Yes, it is. You didn't know Mommy was there, not until too late, and I was gone.

Greenlee: Emma?

Emma: I remember everything.

Jake: Ok. So this is Jenny, this is Kathy, and this is Trevor. Ok?

Amanda: Ooh.

Jake: Care to do the honors?

Amanda: Sure. But isn't the Easter Bunny supposed to do that?

Jake: Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're just helping out, giving our furry friend a head start.

Amanda: So what all do we have here?

Jake: Oh, we got every little kid's dream.

Amanda: Chocolate?

Jake: Some. But you know the Easter Bunny doles out the rest.

Amanda: Any specific kind?

Jake: You're awful cute when you sniff around like that. If you want to ask, you can just go ahead and ask.

Amanda: Ask what?

Jake: If I brought any of these.

Amanda: Cadbury eggs -- this is why I love you.

Jake: And this is why I love me, too -- Reese's peanut butter egg. Nothing goes together better than P.B. and chocolate.

Amanda: I can think of one thing -- technically, three -- us: You, me, and Trevor.

Jake: Cheers to that.

Trevor: Yay!

Bianca: So I have J.R. to thank for Reese backing down?

Marissa: Not completely. I am a brilliant lawyer, after all, but he did manage to work Reese perfectly.

Bianca: More than just offering her the job?

Marissa: Yeah. He made it clear how difficult it would be to manage parenthood and a career, especially as a single mom.

Bianca: And she just gave up. She walked away from the fight.

Marissa: I'm sorry. I'm celebrating like we just won the Super Bowl, and your marriage is ending.

Bianca: It's ok. Just don't get me wrong. I am beyond grateful.

Marissa: Yeah, but of course, a little sad, too, right?

Bianca: Just that Reese could choose a job over our girls. But that doesn't make sense to me.

Marissa: Of course, it doesn't, which is exactly the reason that you're gonna be the one to raise them. Speak of the little angels --

Miranda: Not so tight, Mommy.

Bianca: Oh, I'm just -- where did you go? I just want to let you know how much I love you, and that I will always choose you first.

[Phone rings]

Ricky: Oh. Excuse me.

Kendall: Of course.

Ricky: Yeah? Mm-hmm. Just what I wanted to hear. Hey, you think Castillo's family will ask me to officiate the funeral? Yeah. God bless. All right. We'll talk soon. Bye.

Kendall: Is everything ok?

Ricky: You were hoping that was a call about Griffin.

Kendall: Yeah. It's a little hard to accept, that's all.

Ricky: That he may not be who you thought he was.

Kendall: Not just who I thought he was. Zach -- he trusted Griffin, and that was something that Zach did not do easily, trust me. He was also rarely, if ever, wrong about people. So how could he be so wrong about this?

Griffin: Sorry, Zach. I know you didn't count on this when you and I started working together.

[Cell door closes]

Griffin: Cara?

Griffin: If that's lunch, you can keep it. My stomach's still reeling from what you guys call breakfast.

Guard: Hey, eat it or don't. I'm just the messenger, man.

Griffin: Is this actual food? Ohh! Ugh! Ohh!

[The guard stabs Griffin and leaves]

Liza: Hey.

Tad: Hey. Listen, I really appreciate you meeting. Do you want something?

Liza: Yeah, sure. So I'm definitely intrigued. What's up?

Tad: You know Judge Parkins, right?

Liza: Yeah.

Tad: And I'm sure by now you know that he's denied Griffin Castillo's bail.

Liza: Ok. If you're gonna ask for me to let him go, you can just forget it.

Tad: I know it looks bad for him, I get it, but I'm telling you he's not a murderer.

Liza: There was a dead woman found in his bed!

Tad: He was set up.

Liza: Tad, you don't actually believe this, do you?

Tad: Yeah. As a matter of fact, I do. And so does his sister.

Liza: Yeah, shocking.

Tad: No. She knows him. She knows what he's about. It's tearing her up to see him locked up like this, and it's not exactly a party for me to get her so upset.

Liza: She is a lucky woman. You know that, right, having you in her corner?

Tad: Yeah, right now she'd be a lot luckier if she had somebody like you in her corner.

Liza: Look, I really would love to help you, but I can't.

Tad: You mean you won't. You mean you won't.

Liza: No, because the evidence -- it's solid. Tad, it's so solid. No. You want me just to give him a pass card, because he's your brother-in-law?

Tad: I want you to give him a pass card because he didn't do it.

Liza: It would jeopardize my integrity as D.A.

Tad: It's not about your integrity, is it? It's about the fact you just don't want to help my wife.

Griffin: [Groans] Ow. Help. Help. Ugh.

[Cell door closes]


Cara: Griff? Oh, my God. Griff? Griff? Help! Help! Somebody, help! Ok? Griff, hang in there.

Ricky: Maybe this isn't all about Griffin. As happy as you are for your mother, this can't be easy for you -- celebrating her future while you're obviously still grieving Zach.

Kendall: This weekend is not about me.

Ricky: It's just us here, Kendall.

Kendall: I am trying so hard to put on a happy face, and you see that. Maybe that's why you're such a great minister. You always have a way of seeing things other people don't. I don't know. You're special.

Ricky: You really feel that way?

Kendall: Yeah, yeah, I do.

Ricky: Wow. Huh. You don't know what it means to hear you say that. That's not the type of thing that I've heard too much in my life.

Marissa: Bye, ladies!

Bianca: We'll play later.

Marissa: Oh, God, that was definitely worth every agonizing minute of that bar exam.

Bianca: Yeah, I don't know what to say. You came all this way for me.

Marissa: Yeah, and to see the smiles on those girls' faces and on yours. Plus, it is St. Barts, after all. There's a little bit of me in there. God knows I could use some time off to relax and to think.

Bianca: Let me guess -- J.R. Did something happen with you guys?

Marissa: We kissed.

Bianca: Huh.

Marissa: What does that mean? "Huh"?

Bianca: Just the way you said it. "We kissed." That's very different from "he kissed me."

Marissa: I would like to say that it was one-sided. No, no, I would kill to say that it was one-sided, but uh-uh. No, my lips were moving towards his as quick as his were moving towards mine.

Bianca: And then?

Marissa: "And then?"

Bianca: Did your lips keep on moving, or did they go in reverse?

Marissa: Heh! No. We were interrupted, thank God. If we weren't --

Bianca: Drink?

Marissa: Yes, please.

Bianca: Mm-hmm. Ok.

Marissa: All right.

Greenlee: You think this is karmic payback for all the hell I've given you when it comes to Erica?

Jack: No. I don't think this is any kind of payback at all. I think this is just life.

Greenlee: I hate seeing Emma like this, but every time I try and reach out to her --

Jack: She moves further away. Hmm.

Greenlee: I'm so sorry for all the hoops that I've made you jump through.

Jack: It's ok because look where we are now. You have to remember she's younger. She's not as easy to reason with.

Greenlee: And I was?

Jack: Good point. The real point I'm trying to make is you'll get there with her. You just have to be patient.

Greenlee: Hmm. My specialty.

Jack: And never, ever give up.

Greenlee: That I know how to do.

Ryan: Hey, Ems? Come here for a second. So how come you changed your mind about going to the beach?

Emma: I don't know.

Ryan: You seemed really into it until Greenlee said she was coming.

Emma: I want to spend some alone time with you. Do you think I hurt her feelings?

Ryan: Greenlee's pretty tough. You know who else is pretty tough?

Emma: Me?

Ryan: You. Give me hugs.

Marissa: Seriously, though, what is my problem? Why am I such a disaster when it comes to relationships?

Bianca: I don't know. But when you figure it out, will you clue me in? Maybe we have the same problem.

Marissa: I don't know how your mother does it.

Bianca: If at first you don't succeed --

Marissa: Ha! And after all of that, she still believes in love?

Bianca: Yeah, with everything she's got. And because of her, so do I.

Marissa: Oh, God, I know. Who am I kidding? Me, too. To love.

Bianca: To love. Ooh.

Kendall: Hello. Hello. Hi! Hello! I didn't know that you would be here.

Marissa: Yeah, neither did I, till a couple hours ago.

Kendall: Oh. Binks, is it weird to you that Mom's not here yet?

Bianca: Uh-uh. She's probably just putting on the finishing touches. It is hard work being flawless.

Kendall: True.

Marissa: I should start my vacation.

Bianca: You don't have to leave.

Marissa: Oh, no, no. You need to spend time with your family. If you need me, I will be by the pool reading a trashy magazine.

Kendall: Enjoy that.

Marissa: I will.

Bianca: Oh, and, Marissa? Thanks for the good news.

Marissa: You're welcome.

Kendall: Ok, smiley, what good news? What good news?

Bianca: Reese is giving up the custody suit.

Kendall: Really? Oh, Binks, that's -- oh, my God, that is great news. Are you kidding me? Oh, good, good. Ok. Yeah, ok. I know it is bittersweet, though, a little bit, right? I mean, being here now?

Bianca: Yeah. But I am so happy for Mom and Uncle Jack.

Kendall: Yeah. Yeah, I know. Me, too, but she's right. It doesn't change the fact that your marriage is ending.

Bianca: Or that you lost your husband.

Kendall: But here we are. We're here with big smiles on. Does that makes us "Daughters of the Year" or something?

Bianca: Oh, I think it actually makes Mom "Mom of the Year."

Kendall: Right.

Erica: Ohh.

Opal: Come on, already! What are you primping for? Maybe the question is, who?

Erica: Oh, come on, Opal. You really have to ask that after all these years? So -- what do you think?

Opal: I think you look abso-stinkin'-lutely stunning. That's what I think.

Erica: Oh, let's hope Jack thinks so -- without the "stinkin'" part.

Opal: You're making the right decision, honey.

Erica: There was never really any decision to make. Jack gets me and he challenges me, and he has never, ever let me down. I love him. It's as simple as that, Opal.

Opal: I can't tell you how happy that makes me. Oh.

Erica: Just mind the hair, Opal.

Opal: Sorry. Sorry. All right.

Erica: Ok!

Opal: We're off. We're off. We're going to the party! Are you ready?

Erica: Oh, I'm more than ready.

Opal: All right. Um, well, no pressure, but they are waiting for you, gal pal.

Erica: I'll be right behind you, Opal.

Opal: All righty.

Ricky: There's always Corinthians -- "love is patient -- "

Jack: "Love is kind." It's a beautiful verse, but very predictable, and my bride is anything but.

Ricky: I can't argue with that.

Jack: Maybe you can think of something else that would capture Erica's spirit, reflect how we feel about one another.

Ricky: I just don't want to impose my choice on you.

Jack: Please impose away. I would love to hear your suggestions. So what do you think?

Opal: Ok! All right, everybody, come on! Let's take your places! The bride is on her way!

Jack: Where do you want me?

Ricky: Jack, you get -- Opal --

Opal: Where am I? Right here?

[Someone kidnaps Erica and drags her away]

Jack: Opal, you're sure she was behind you?

Opal: It's what she said.

Jack: Did she seem ok?

Opal: Oh, yeah. Never happier.

Kendall: All right. You know what? We're gonna go look for her. We'll be right back.

Opal: Good.

Kendall: You don't think she's having second thoughts, do you? This whole wedding is kind of a whirlwind.

Bianca: I think she may have had her doubts along the way, but I want to believe that one day it just hit her -- Uncle Jack is it, the one. You know what that's like. You look at that person, and for whatever reason, everything changes, and there's no going back.

Kendall: You sure you're ok?

Bianca: Yeah. As long as Mom is happy, and she is -- oh, she really is -- I'm great.

Kendall: Ok. Mom? You in there?

Bianca: We can't start the rehearsal without the bride-to-be.

Kendall: Why is she doing this? Doesn't she know what this is doing to Jack?

Bianca: Oh, I forgot. I took a spare key just in case.

Kendall: This definitely qualifies as "in case." So let's go for it. Mom?

Cara: I'm right here, Griff. Talk to me.

Griffin: Stop ordering people around.

Cara: Who did this to you, huh?

Griffin: The guard.

Guard: Whoa! No, I just got on duty!

Griffin: The other guard.

Cara: Let go. Gentle. Gentle. No, no, no. It's ok. Let me look, Griff. Griff, please stop it. That's one. Ok, that's two. Come here. Put your hand right there, please. Yes, just like that. We can't wait for an ambulance.

Griffin: Cara?

Cara: Yeah?

Griffin: What are you doing?

Cara: I got to stop the bleeding, ok? I'm gonna be right there. I'm coming right back for you, ok? Agh! Ok. Keep on holding it. Almost there, Griff. You're gonna be just fine. Two more seconds. Stay with me. Yep, that's real good. Hold it, please. What the hell is going on with this place? There you go. Thanks so much.

Griffin: Who you calling?

Cara: I'm calling someone we can trust. Ok?

Jake: So that was a successful handoff.

Amanda: Trevor loves playing in the park, so, yes. Him at the doctor's office? That's a whole other story.

Jake: Huh.

Amanda: Thank you for setting all this up today. It seems like forever since we got to hang out as a family.

Jake: We're the perfect trifecta.

Amanda: You think one day we might make the perfect quadfecta?

Jake: That's not a word.

Amanda: Jake.

Jake: We are gonna add to this family one day. I promise you.

[Phone rings]

Amanda: Don't not answer it because of me.

Jake: If it was an emergency, it would be the main number from the hospital calling me.

Amanda: I'm just saying it's ok to answer it, really.

Jake: It's not ok with me. You come first, always, because I love you.

Amanda: I love you, too.

[Phone rings]

Amanda: Well, you may as well answer now. The mood's broken.

Liza: Thank you.

Tad: You're obviously busy. I'm sorry I wasted your time.

Liza: You're wrong, by the way. It's not about jealousy. I told you I am happy for you and Cara.

Tad: You told me a lot of things over the years. And that -- let's face it.

Liza: You know what, Tad? Do you even know these people?

Tad: "These people"? You just call them "these people"? "These people" are my family.

Liza: Who you've known for all of, what, five minutes?

Tad: What's your point?

Liza: I wouldn't be surprised if Cara was involved in some drug scam along with her brother.

Tad: What?!

Liza: Which is why she married you to legitimize her, right?

Tad: Oh, stop!

Liza: Yeah.

Tad: No, seriously. Stop. For all I know -- I'll tell you what I know. My wife, Cara, is an honest, ethical, upstanding person. That's not who she is. She wouldn't do something like this. She's not like --

Liza: Me, right? Is that what you were gonna say?

Tad: No, that's not what I was gonna say. That's not what I meant.

Liza: Listen, I get it. But if Griffin really is innocent, it's all gonna come out. In the meantime, I have to do everything I can to prove otherwise. I'll tell you right now I am gonna do this fair.

Jack: No sign of her?

Kendall: The room is empty.

Bianca: We thought maybe we missed her, and she was here.

Ryan: Where would she go?

Jack: I don't know, but I'm gonna find out. Really?

Bianca: She's not picking up?

Jack: Straight to her voice mail.

Kendall: Mom hardly ever turns her phone off.

Jack: I know.

Greenlee: Unless she's making a quick getaway.

[Phone rings]

Amanda: That is the third time that she has called.

Jake: Because it's probably something important to her.

Amanda: Probably.


Amanda: You know what? Just answer it. Really, it's ok.

Jake: Cara, what's up?

Cara: Where the hell have you been?!

Jake: I'm in the park with my family.

Cara: Griff's been stabbed!

Jake: What?

Cara: I'm in his cell, and I can't leave him. I need your help.

Greenlee: I'm sorry, but it was Erica's big idea that everyone scramble together last-minute for this wedding. And now she makes my dad wait on pins and needles.

Kendall: Ok, all I said was she's nowhere near the room.

Greenlee: What matters is that she's not here.

Jack: All right. Just stop it, both of you, please?

Ryan: So much for "no comment."

Greenlee: I could only hold out for so long.

Jack: Just stop and think when the last time was that you saw Erica, what she said to you. Maybe she mentioned an errand, something that might take longer than she thought would. Opal.

Opal: Hmm?

Jack: You were the last one to see her. You said she was right behind you.

Opal: Mm-hmm.

Jack: Opal, look at me. Look at me. Is there something you need to tell me?

Erica: Where am I? Hello? Who's there?! Someone answer me!

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