As The World Turns Best Lines Friday 3/31/06

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Today's Best Lines come from a special 50th Anniversary episode of As the World Turns spotlighting what the families of Oakdale would be life if they were 50's sitcoms.

Casey: Five bucks. First paycheck.

Will: I swore you'd be working the whole time.

Casey: But I knew with all the old videos here, you would totally be up watching some old black and white movie.

Gwen: But this is a sitcom. Neither of you thought of that. I get the five bucks.


Maddie: Oakdale's influential families. I have looked through family histories, all this file footage, and everything is just a blur to me. I mean, there's the stewarts, the hugheses, the snyders, and everybody's mixed up with everybody else. And then there's the police reports. I mean, do you know how many upstanding people in this town have actually served time? It's out of control.


Gwen: Hey, who's that?

Casey: The Snyders.

Maddie: Okay. Show me the funny.

Will: Well, there's two ways we could go about it.

Casey: Yeah, but don't do the whole family tree, 'cause that'll freak her out.


Maddie: This is great, I get it now. Everything that I write about Holden and Lily makes sense, except I read somewhere that Holden was Lily's uncle, which had to have been a misprint.

Casey: No. That's the Snyder family stuff we didn't want to spring on you.

Will: Yeah, Lily's mom is Emma's daughter.

Gwen: Wait a minute, so Lily and Holden hooked up and then found out that he was her uncle?

Maddie: Oh, that is just so inbred, I can't even speak.

Casey: No, it wasn't like that. Lily's biological mom's adopted, so they weren't related at all.

Maddie: Oh.

Casey: But Meg married Lily's biological father.

Maddie: Okay, I need a candy bar. Do you need a candy bar?


Gwen: Okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Scheming blonde, devoted to her husband, willing to do anything for him. Always lands in trouble, but somehow gets away with it.

Maddie: I have it!

[ "I Dream of Jeannie" theme plays ]


Gwen: Oh, you're right, anything can be funny. Even your family.

Will: No way. If my family were a sitcom, they would have jumped the shark a decade ago.

Casey: You said it yourself, man. It's either laugh or scream.

Will: With them, it's scream all the time. They're a horror movie, not a sitcom.

Maddie: Yeah?

[ "The Munsters" theme plays ]

Gwen: No, Will.

Casey: Very fitting.


Barbara: How was your day at the morgue?

Hal: Well, I hate to say it, but work was dead.

[ Laughter ]

Barbara: Oh, don't be discouraged. One thing about spring, it's a wonderful time for homicides.


Cop: All right, that's helpful. All we need now is a license number for the hit and run driver.

Henrietta: Hit and run? Really? That's what you're calling it?

Cop: You said you got the number?

Henrietta: Sure, sure, sure. Eight, six, seven, five, three, oh nine.

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