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Daytime Opinion Article


Kaydee's Soap Review #9

Greetings, Soaplings!

Alas, another week filled with sighs of disgust from us viewers. It seems that General Hospital has granted us some reprieve, with the return of Brenda now playing center stage.

I am tired, folks! I am tired of Gary Tomlin not listening to a darned thing that us viewers, HIS BOSSES, have to say. We vent about his choice to write these degrading, inhumane storylines, and what does he do? HE WRITES MORE OF THEM!

Does this man HAVE children? Does he have a special person in his life? Does he live on EARTH! Jeez!

How does he sleep at night knowing that he is going to get up the next morning and thumb his nose at the justice system yet again? How can he allow some deranged Superbroom Mini-Brat to rise from her coffin and deliberately put the welfare of an unborn, unsuspecting child in danger just because she got her little feelings hurt in a teenaged romance!

Sure, sure..we're all adults here right? Then why are we subjected to sitting through forty-five minutes of childish tantrums, parental neglect, (or better yet, abuse), airheaded surreal law-breakers, an unbelievably STUPID, (Sorry, no sugar-coated synonym came to mind!) Commissioner of Police, and a mother, (Carlotta), who spends more time singing her own praises as a mother than actually being a proper one? If I hear one more story about how she and the late Mr. Vega never did, or ALWAYS did something, I'll SCREAM!! We Earthling adults are well aware that no such thing exists.

And speaking of babies and mommies...

Keri pregnant with her mother's baby whose daddy is supposedly the man with whom she's head over heels in love? Oh, ICK!! Can you please tell me what drug store sells the laced bananas that the writers are smoking? I'd like to call Consumer Affairs to file a complaint of a controlled substance being sold, right after I pick up an economy-sized bottle of Pepto-Bismol to cope with the Keri pregnancy.

To be fair, I have to give credit to Timothy D. Stickney. You go, BOY! You have touched my heart this week. Seeing the hurt on your face as RJ Gannon whenever you think of the fatherhood that almost wasn't...BRAVO!

It was a pleasant change to see a softer side of RJ while simultaneously having ONE parent left in Llanview that actually WANTS to be a parent! It does nothing, however, but further prove that there is still an alien pixie dust addiction going on in the writers' booth. I mean, think about it.

Here we finally have a parent that is showing true signs of being a good parent, and his daughter's already grown! However, he seems sincere in trying to reconcile with Antonio for Keri's sake.

Blair and Sam?? Oh, puhleeze! Just when Mr. T was giving Blair a sense of strength, a show of independence, a breath of life as a truly good mother....

"OOOPS! I forgot to give her a man!" says Mr. T.

STOP DOING THAT!! For once, write for the Millenium! Women are strong! We are able! We can do anything a man can do, with or without a man! Jeez, I feel like I'm back in Junior High Social Studies class learning about The Suffragettes and Susan B. Anthony, and Sadie Hawkins!


Women don't go around getting revenge by TRYING to get pregnant! The average modern-day woman wants to have a vivacious body and the freedom to GO! We get revenge by telling his new women that he's infected with a communicable disease..WE DON'T USE BABIES!!

And if we're not pregnant, we DON'T CHECK OVULATION CYCLES TO GET PREGNANT!! We don't even check ovulation cycles to prevent pregnancy! WAKE UP! Contact Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd and ask them to send you back to the future.

Enough with Llanview, for a minute. I have an Underworld Floozy to deal with. Livvie Borden?? Where are you?

Okay, she's stuck with an alien spawn, she's been rejected by all things male, both living dead, and Undead, and...(OOPS! I'm sorry, I should be celebrating! Break out the champagne! CLINK!)

The fact that she even got away with drugging her dad irks me to no end! Lucy is in pain, and Kevin is in Never-Never Land while Livvie is free to play the Town Hoochie. Oh, PUHLEEZE!! And how nauseating is getting pregnant by a mythical creature? Sure it looks like Frank, but um, hello?  Anything that needs a "host" to keep it alive would have me high-tailing out of its way at warp speed, not trying to breed for it!

Let's go to General Hospital...

This show is probably the best thing going on daytime right about now. But even then, the threat of the writers rummaging through the Trashed Storyline Can is eminent. Do I smell a Brenda/Jax reunion? It was great, IN IT'S TIME, but I personally am reveling in the refreshing union of Jax and Skye. When a writer can make you love a character that you were once ready to vote off the show, you're showing some skills!

And just when you think the women of soaps are showing some signs of intelligence and strength...BANG! Here comes Elizabeth, who has been one of the greatest pillars of objectivity and balance, succumbing to the age-old spell of jealousy. One minute the writers have these two dancing around some HOT chemistry, she understands him, she is strong enough to allow him the freedom and the trust he needs to do his thing, and the next minute she's contemplating throwing everything they've worked for down the drain because he's helping another woman cope with threatening phone calls.

But again, to be fair...

YOU GO, Alexis! Fight that nitwit Scott Baldwin tooth and nail until you get that position! He's a sexist jerk, with the manners and respect of a caveman, and it would be poetic justice to have a woman shoot him down! It would be a hand up to have the woman bang the man over the head with a billy club and drag HIM into the cave for a change!

(SIGH) Oh well, we can only hope. Feel free to contact me at:  with your thoughts and feedback.

Tune in next week, folks.

Page updated 12/27/11

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