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Daytime Opinion Article


Kaydee's Soap Review #8

Greetings, Soaplings!!

There's a saying that goes: "If you want something done right, you'll have to do it yourself." Oh, BOY, does that apply to the soaps this week!! UGH!

I, for one, am not going to spend any more of my money on Minoxidil or Chloraseptic, or spend any more time screaming at the Llanview and Port Charles writers. I have already graduated from high school, so I have no intentions of returning to class to teach these aliens about the Basics. This week I target Llanview.

For example:

Is there anyone out there that can tell me what pharmacy on Planet Earth sells pregnancy tests whose results can be altered to fit the desires of the person taking it? Hm? Jen Rappaport's Superbroom ascendant managed to take a blue marker and change the negative result into a positive, how??

And let's not forget that the ladies in soap world manage to get pregnant in a flash. If conceiving were that easy, would we NEED fertility specialists? Or fertility DRUGS?

Oh, puhleeze let me bring up this Elizabeth character. For starters, she looks like she is actually Keri's age, so it's a little unbelievable that she would turn out to be her mother.
Then, she has a one-night stand with Antonio, and from my calculations, no longer than three or four days, and she finds herself faced with the possibility of being pregnant??

OOH! OOH! Wait! That's not all! Here's a really funny part...It's Antonio's!! HA HA HA HA! Gary Tomlin? Wake UP!

And then we have Carlotta Vega. Jeez! There is no such mom on Earth that is so involved with their children that they know every minute detail of their lives, including such a minor detail that her child helped someone get their car started by the side of a highway road! Let alone find that to be such a great deed that she repeats the story to the world! She has a friend who saw Antonio with a woman..Yeah right!!

Sounds like stalking to me! She needs a man...quick!

I want to touch on another Llanview defect..... The writers' use of excessive emotional torture on a single character.

This month it seems to be Natalie. JEEZ, give the girl a BREAK!! She has been the Cinderella of the town since she arrived, (especially in Llanfair), she has had her boyfriend lost to her prissy sister..(I'll get to her in a minute..) Al threatening her and stalking her every which way she turned, accused of being with Cris before that ever was a real possibility, her brother is an incestuous peeping tom, and now that she finally has the chance to be happy.... (Not to mention that most of us viewers are rooting for Jen to take a flying leap over a cliff and into a bottomless pit), You pull out the rug from underneath her!

There are too many long-dragged out storylines. They're so dragged out that the viewers are able to place bets and predict the outcomes of these scenarios. MANY OF US WIN THE BETS!! There is no mystery anymore, no thrill. The only thing left now is Niki's-Viki's secret. It's the only thing that has any mystery and suspense left.

I saw the Jen pregnancy scam coming a mile away..

I saw Keri offering to be Liz's surrogate mother a mile away.

I saw Cristian keeping his mouth shut about Natalie when Jen mentioned "baby", a mile away. Doesn't any of these men have a BACKBONE anymore? Jeez, just tell her to stop running her motor-mouth long enough for you to get a damned word in edgewise!

And here we have Jessica Buchanan-Balsam-not-a-Buchanan-not-a-Balsam.

Queen of Priss...

She went from being America's little sweetheart to a stuck-up snob ever since she had her first taste of men.

(Hey, no holds barred here! It's called SASSY Soap Corner for a reason!)

She has continuously tried to degrade Natalie and come out the squeaky clean sister. Well, I've cooked up a little Score Card that will bring the truth to light.

Jessica Buchanan vs. Natalie Buchanan:


Slept with a guy, while still seeing another, AFTER getting drunk. Got pregnant.

Was molested by her drunk mother's boyfriends, tried to prevent Roxy ?s use of alcohol, never cheated on her boyfriend,
Has no children or history of pregnancy


Ran away from the law, while leading two men on, AFTER concealing a crime, hopped back and forth between the two guys' beds while she was trying to decide which Prince Charming she wanted to be with


Is prepared to face the law, despite the consequences, for a crime she ?s not even sure she committed!


The most gullible, self-serving creature I've ever met.


Has great survivor skills and can smell a rat from a mile away, with the exception of Jen Rappaport, and thinks of everyone else first these days.

If the viewers were allowed to have a role for just one day, I would have cleaned up a lot of these characters' acts!

It's not too exciting to watch our shows when we all know what's coming next. If any of you are out there and are willing to join me in my crusade to overthrow the alien dictators that have overtaken the writers, contact me at:

Tune in next week, folks.

Page updated 12/27/11

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