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Kaydee's Soap Review #6

Greetings, Soaplings!

Weeeeell, the fizz has gone! I guess we have to hold on to what we had! With the departures of Ben and Viki, we have been reduced to watching the same old soap tactics. My focus this week is on all three soaps, and I invite you to share your thoughts and comments with me at

Let's begin with Port Charles, Torn. (For you, Susan!)

I zoom in on Livvie, Rafe and Allison. Livvie has just given her father a mind-altering drug, and has watched what it's done to him. She has shed a few crocodile tears primarily because she was shocked and supposedly felt guilty for having administered it to the wrong recipient. But instead of doing all that she can to HELP her dad, what does she do? She focuses more intently on keeping Rafe. Now there's that old father-daughter connection!

Now, Allison is upsetting me as well. She has been given this Grand Heavenly Mission!
Save Rafe's soul by getting him to fall back in love with her. It has been a bumpy trip thus far, and she finally gets the biggest heads up in the game...THE PATERNITY RESULTS for Livvie's unborn child, and what does she do with the information? SHE KEEPS IT TO HERSELF!

Hello? Is this for real? Is there anyone on this Earth that would keep that information to themselves?

I understand that maybe she thinks divulging such info to Rafe might paint her the desperate other woman, but come on! Bravo to Jon Lindstrom, however, who can play any character well. His portrayal of his twin brother Psycho Ryan was well worth the viewing time.

The Avatar/Frank Scanlon..OOOOOKAY! Let's see....

Legend has it that The Avatar is a creature that grants you good things, then comes back to those he's "helped" and you're pretty much in his evil debt. (I'm paraphrasing here).

Weeell, let's seeeee......

Frank has occasionally helped a crime victim, but he's impregnated Livvie, and every time she turns around, there he is with a threat to expose her if she doesn't do as he says. Then there's his moonlighting position...Snatching up Karen every opportunity he gets.

There's nothing mysterious, or mythical, OR magical about this Avatar! He's just a blackmailing, two-timing, obsessed STALKER!

Well? What would you call him?

On General Hospital, things seem to be heating up as Alcazar makes his moves. Brenda has been revealed as the mystery woman.. (YAWN! Surprise, surprise. The secret to being mysterious is NOT to publicize a character's return for three months with the exact air date!)

Once again we are force-fed the obsessed lover scenario and we watch as Alcazar keeps Brenda locked up and DRUGGED while he kills people she cares about in the name of love. Tell me something, folks...

If you were given that scenario, wouldn't you rather be alone? I surely don't remember a mobster-murderer being in MY girlhood wedding fantasies!

And then there's Laura.

Again, is there ANY other way to have an actor/actress exit a show without transforming them into stark raving lunatics? Is there no other alternative than to have them turn violent, crazy or obsessed?

Genie Francis has been one of the original characters almost since the show began. She has been branded in to the hearts of millions of viewers, both veteran and new, and the best the writers could do to honor her permanent exit is to turn her into a murderer that has lost her sanity and had to be sent off for therapy in London?

That's appreciation for you!

And now, we fly over to Llanview. (Join me, JoAnn!)

As I said in my opening statement, the fizz has gone.

Al practically blurted out his crime in FRONT of the Commission-Not, and there was not even a SPARK of suspicion ignited in this so-called veteran law enforcement official. He gives the psycho brat PRIVACY with his mother and LEAVES!!

And Gabrielle, who had appeared to be the only sensible parent in the Holden-Medina clan, blew her one chance to get Al the help that he actually needs by now making the decision to cover for him. There goes her chance with Bo, with her chance to be a person with some morals tagging along.

Dizzy Lizzy Rappaport's new aggressive attitude is not impressive, it's too much too late. Her plan is not clever, because the truth of the matter is, Cris wants out anyway. The old "I'm pregnant, so you're stuck with me" scenario only worked in the Stone Age.

Lindsay Rappaport wasted no time in revving up that Superbroom. Didn't the Governor see that when he exercised his nepotism? Didn't he realize that she may have saved his granddaughter's life, but Lindsay being free only triples the chances of his granddaughter's safety being put in jeopardy all over again?

And finally, I touch on something that will probably strike a nerve with most of you...(This is for you, Scott!)


Oh my god, is this guy an incestuous freak? Why is he watching his sisters when they're kissing their boyfriends, or trying to interfere with one of them actually getting a boyfriend? How is it that he knows all of their business, even when they weren't with him? He knew about Natalie and Cristian kissing, he knows that Nat has deeper feelings for Cris than just friendship, he was watching intensely as Jess and Seth were kissing...

Is he Roxy's kid? Or is he really Victor Lord's offspring? This is getting sick!

Writers! Wake up! Pay attention! We need variety! We need changes! We need FRESH!

No more women-bashing. No more parental neglect. No more digging into the scrapped storyline can for ideas. No more trips on the UFO's! GIVE US OUR SOAPS BACK!

Stop teasing us with one week of greatness and another week of flops.

Tune in next week, folks.

Page updated 12/27/11

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