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Kaydee's Soap Review #5

Greetings, Soaplings!

Never let it be said that Earth cannot prevail over a long-term alien abduction. To my surprise and the surprise of all who had the great fortune of watching the soaps this week, we witnessed that victory be won firsthand.

This week I target all three soaps, focusing mainly on One Life To Live, which deserved to win an Emmy, no matter what the judges say. Can anyone tell me who exactly are these judges anyway? Do they actually WATCH the darned soaps?

Let's begin with Livvie Borden Locke, once Ms. Caleb, now MRS. Rafe. Okay, the Avatar is closing in on her, she thought she killed him, but she didn't. He shows up at a cozy little threesome luncheon and shocks the HELL, (no pun intended), out of Livvie, but Hell-o?? Knock, knock? NO ONE'S NOTICING!! Okay, how Kevin suddenly got a clue that his daughter is not on the level is beyond me, but hey, whatever works! By all means, Dr. Collins, use your THERAPY expertise and shrink your own child!

I cannot understand how a small little town, who has experienced everything we've only read about in sci-fi novels, or seen in sci-fi movies, can possibly not take any and every little "strange" occurrence or behavior apart and put it through the proverbial metal detector! Jeez, writers!

Enough with the woman wants man so let's fake or force a baby on them to make them stay with me scenario! First of all, this is not Walnut Grove in the 1800's. Very few men these days opt to marry a woman they slept with because she's pregnant. No offense to the male gender, I'm pointing out the Millennium reality here, because somehow, these "modern-day" writers seem to think that us soap viewers are looking at the world through rose-colored June Cleaver glasses!

However, to be fair, I must say kudos! For making Allison a classy lady. She handled Livvie with maturity, and with style. For the first time in a long time, I actually FELT a character's pain, without needing Minoxidil, or Chloraseptic, and without going through my basement to look for the Pixie-dust Storyline Writer's Crossbow that I had purchased somewhere around the time that Valerie came to Port Charles and broke up Allison and Jamal.

I am personally disappointed with the arcs since "Tainted Love" and "Tempted" came to an end. There has to be some fresh ideas out there somewhere! Ideas that are not recycled from old storylines that either worked beautifully in their time, or never worked at all.
I am however, praying for the showdown between Allison, Livvie, Rafe, the Avatar, Lucy and Kevin to happen at warp speed! I would love to see Allison knock Livvie on her conniving little rear end. Of course, she'd have to land on a shock-absorbent cushion considering her condition.

Over to the other side of Port Charles, we have another example of a character turning cuckoo, raving mad, or completely violent when their portrayer is leaving the show. Laura? Hello? What is the purpose of putting that poor lady through yet ANOTHER on-the-lamb scenario? My god, isn't surviving the Greek Trojan War TWICE in her life enough? Hasn't she been through enough having lost her mom once to the Cassadines then finding her again? Isn't losing her son not once but twice, and possibly for the rest of his life...TO THE CASSADINES, enough? How much can one poor person survive? And if your point is to show that there are strong women out there. WE GOT THE POINT!

Jeez, the lady married her rapist, had two children with the man, had a fairy tale wedding, a lifelong marriage, is about to marry the man again, (if you would let them), she made the whole town and the whole world love them as a couple, she managed to love both sons when her husband hated one and had her other son do the same, and now the boys have reunited. WE GOT THE POINT!

Now after everything she's gone through, they want to put her through more trauma with Rick's death. Then we have Carly, once again, sticking her nose in Alexis' pregnancy business again. Where is the Reality Police when you want them? These two are shows that have tackled great controversial issues and kept us watching for many years, it would be a shame to have the writers ruin it now with recycled storylines.

And now I'd like to talk Llanview. (This is for you, Scott, JoAnn and Debby T!)

First of all, I'd like to say BRAVO! ENCORE!

It was a shocking surprise to have been able to actually watch ONE LIFE TO LIVE! The way it used to be. With the exception of Dizzy Lizzy Rappaport and the nose-thumbing to law enforcement release from prison for Lindsay, it has been a superb week.

Although we viewers would have wanted to have our cake, (the return of Viki), and eat it too, (have Niki reveal the secret at the same time), I must say that I'm happy. Seeing Viki turn into Mama Bear and claw Rae-Ray to shreds was priceless! Her overwhelming mix of emotions wore so openly on her face that it was contagious, and we viewers were infected. When Rae was first exposed, I felt sorry for all that Asa had done. I was rooting for her when she turned the tables on Asa, but when she came out of left field and stuck it to Renee by marrying Asa, I couldn't be more sadistic than I was when I was salivating the whole time that Viki was tearing her dumb (BLEEP) to pieces.

Then there was the reunion between Natalie, who got her beloved mommy back. I personally enjoyed the Jessica-free scenes that the two ladies enjoyed. It nearly broke my heart when Viki pleaded with Natalie to believe that she would never hurt her the way that Niki did. And there couldn't have been a dry eye in anyone's house when Natalie told her mother that she's waited her whole life for a mother who really loved her, so she'll wait for Viki as long as she needs her to.

Not to forget the Ben and Blondie scenes! Oh my god, could there be so many tears in one human body? Ben and Viki just work for each other! The chemistry, the way they just fit when they're standing side by just works! I truly can't wait for the two of them to return and give us viewers some more of what we had this week.

Bravo, Gabby Medina! For having the insight to be a REAL mother and take on the toughest challenge in the world...making your child face the consequences of his/her actions. Bravo to you for not dismissing the situation because your disrespectful little brat went into one of his tantrums.

And now I have two other issues that I'd like to bring up, although it may stir up some controversy..

What in hell are the writers thinking to pair up Nora with the twin brother of her would-be rapist and captor? I personally don't see any sparks between these two, and personally I believe that there couldn't truly be any sparks. Think about it. No matter how nice the man is, he the IDENTICAL twin of the man who kidnapped you, drugged you, then STALKED you, kidnapped you again, and tried to rape you! Could a real-life victim REALLY fall in love with the identical twin of her assailant and not wake up every morning freaking the hell out for the first two minutes after opening her eyes?

And letting the Superbroom out of jail because she saved the life of a young lady that SHE put in danger in the first place? The writers are sending a message to the world that nepotism supersedes the rules of law enforcement, and proving that the Superbroom supersedes both nepotism AND the law!
(SIGH) Well, since we can't have 100% pure reality here, I'm happy with the way things have gone this week, and I'll have enough joy left over to carry me through next week, just in case..

I have a few wishes I'd like the Soap Fairy to grant.

A) Let Cris and Nat get together

B) Let Jen and Al get together and go take a flying leap over the Llantano Mountain

C) Let Loonsey fly away on her Superbroom and snatch Rae up in the process.

D) Let Tea and Ross sail off on their busted-up raft and never return.

E) Let Todd and Blair battle it out, and find their way back to each other.

(If Lindsay can get out of jail, and Nora can be in love with Troy, let Todd and Blair get together!)

Some of you may want to chew my head off for the Nora/Troy thing, and that's okay, I have a huge head, so forward your comments and thoughts to me at: .

Thank you, Alien Leaders, for relinquishing your hold on our writers this week!

Tune in next week, folks.

Page updated 12/27/11

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