Another week has passed, and
while I still have a few gripes...
I have also taken a few trips
on that steam engine this week. You know the one. The one
where you sit on your couch and go...WOO-HOO!
I will start with Port Charles.
I'm so loving Tess, and although in the past I have not
favored the pairing of a character and another character's
Livvie has gone just a bit too
far over the deep end in my opinion. She's been balancing
herself on a tightrope between fatal desperation for male
companionship and raging hormones. To those people who have
had the chance to chat live with me, you know what solution I
would have given her for her problem, but FCC regulations will
not permit me to write that, so....
Moving right along...
Didn't I predict that Stephen
Clay and Caleb were the same person? And even if I didn't, was
it not so BLATANTLY obvious when he began taking interests in
the very group of people who had a hand in staking the fanged-
Although the writers are
hanging on to their lifeline, and making it appear as if he's
just a victim of mistaken identity, we viewers know the real
deal! Frankly, I think that Allison's mother is already a
The DNA results from the test
taken in GH reveal that Tess isn't human. Jack freaked out,
which sort of had me confused. Port Charles hasn't exactly
been a town of naivety. There have been marriages between
Vampires and Humans, Angels and Humans, impregnation between
creatures and Humans, time travel, Buffy-style showdowns,
Angels coming to Earth to kill people, and steal husbands..
What did I miss?
So why would he be shocked? The
woman can heal gunshot wounds with her bare hands. Did he
really think that there wasn't some out of this world
explanation? The first date he and Tess went on was to see a
vampire in concert in the park, for crying out loud!
I DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT, want
the writers to ruin Lucy's and Doc's relationship by having
Lucy fall for Ian. If you are a veteran reader of my column,
then you know how I feel about these writers making women out
to be helpless whiners who need men in their lives at every
Lucy and Kevin have fought hard
to get where they are, and their vows said "For better or
for worse". They've overcome far worse when they weren't
legally married, it would be an abomination to have Lucy give
up and cheat on him now.
Is there a law in the soap
world that forbids a female character from NOT choosing to
have a man in her life for a little while? Why must there be a
replacement male immediately after she's suffered a loss of
her previous partner? It doesn't matter how she lost him, why
can't she opt to want to establish herself as an INDIVIDUAL
Moving over to the other side
of Port Charles....
I made a comment in last week's
review about Brenda Barrett, and one of my friends..(Hi,
Deanne!), brought something to my attention that will make me
retract a bit of the comment. I said I smelled a rat in
Brenda, and Deanne reminded me that the real rat is Alcazar,
for lying to Brenda and making her think that she's dying.
I agree, Deanne, thank you for
reminding me of that part of the storyline. However, I stand
strong in my opinion that she should NOT be hanging around
newly married men, where she can create situations such as the
ones that have come about to date.
Which brings me to my ire with
WHAT KIND OF MEN are Jax and
Okay, maybe Sonny is already
explained, but what is going on with Jax? How can that rat
fink stand before God and marry Skye, assuring her that he
loves her for better or for worse, and yet bails out on her as
soon as he got a tiny out?
Yes, she lied about her
whereabouts, and she didn't tell Brenda that she wasn't dying;
but let's be real here, folks. Did Skye commit such a vicious
crime that it would warrant her husband ending their marriage?
Wouldn't all of us be insecure at first, suspicious even, of
our spouse's former, believed-dead lover were they to
crash-land back into our lives?
Skye may have had some ulterior
motives for keeping the info to herself, but her reasons were
legit. How would she know that Brenda wasn't aware that her
illness was a lie? Jax swore to Skye that she had nothing to
worry about in Brenda. He swore that he and Brenda were over.
He swore yet again that he and Skye would make it. He scolded
her and downplayed her insecurities, in the presence of his
former flame, and was actually ANNOYED with her GALL for
feeling jealous!( The nerve of her for having feelings!)
And just when he has the
perfect opportunity to show her that she truly didn't have
anything to fear in his relationship with Brenda, what does he
do? He ends things with her and ends up at the cottage for a
cozy little rendezvous with the very women he professed to
have overcome. NO CLASS, Jax!
Just when the writers get the
opportunity to prove their worth and get the show moving in a
great direction on the merits of NEW ideas, they turn to the
Recycled Storyline Bin to bail them out. Tisk, tisk.
The good news is, Alexis is
still the woman, and Luke is still the man. Luke is hilarious,
no matter how many times you see him, and no matter how long
he's been away. He delivers every time!
It was GREAT to see Lane Davies
and Nancy Grahn side by side once again. Even when they're not
playing a married couple, their on-screen, harmonious
chemistry is still evident.
Now, let's talk about AJ, hm?
Is he a sick puppy, or what? Is it possible that such levels
of Crushed Male Ego Disorder exist? Oh, man! Is he bordering
on Master Voyeur, or is this a display of psychosis that no
textbook can explain? AND he wants Courtney to keep him!
For...Psych 101 show and tell, maybe?
Back to Llanview...
Can you say..BARF! EWWWW! Mitch
Lawrence and Natalie Buchanan? Kidnapping, cult brainwashing,
blasphemy and financial extortion aren't hideous enough? You
have to add statutory rape to the mix? Yeah, yeah, I know!
Natalie is of age, but ugh! MITCH and NATALIE?
Jeez! That kiss made me run
upstairs and bolt my daughters' bedroom door!
Next to Natalie, Mitch looked
as if he were too out of shape to perform the on screen kiss
without asking a stuntman to step in! UGH!
On the flip side of that, it's
really great to know that sometime in this millennium, we
viewers will be treated to a vintage showdown between Viki and
Mitch, and for you new Llanview viewers, you will understand
what drew us veteran Llanview viewers to the show in the first
place. Natalie and Cris are wonderful together, and I can't
wait for that reunion! Got my tickets
And now, back to the Nauseating
TROY and NORA! My goodness!
What have the writers done to Nora? She's been reduced to a
sex-crazed teenager from the brilliant lawyer and MOTHER that
she used to be! Matthew spends more time with nannies and
friends than with his parents! Sam is chasing Blair's skirts
more times than he's actually defending his clients, and Nora
is playing doctor more times than she's defending clients!
If I hear one more "I love
you, Troy," I'll need Minoxidil and Chloraseptic all over
again! And now she's going to be acting in dual roles as
Joanna MacIver! Go figure! Are there no other actresses out
The good news is, the Alien has
been shipped back to Planet Zeron, and we will have a new Head
Writer, so maybe, we will actually have a show that targets
HUMAN viewers in the near future!
Keri and Liz serve what
purpose, exactly? Blair's been targeted by the mob, yet it's
Liz who does all the trembling and the peeking over her
JEN....WOO-HOO!! Revenge Plan
go BOOM! WOO-HOO!! Say it with me, people!
baby, no wedding, NO CRIS!!
Dumb b..blonde! (Yeah, dumb
"blonde", that's it!)
We are in for a long series of
revenge flights on the Mini Superbroom
Airlines Express Jet, but
having her fall on her face in the meantime is sooooo worth
the future aggravation!
Until next week, folks..let me
Go get 'em, Viki!
Wake up, Nat!
Wake up, Cris!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA,
Go fly into the ravines, Mitch,
Al, Jen, Roxy, Rex, and Rae-Ray!
Bring on Renee to beat the hell
out of Gretel, and may Todd get slapped!