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Kaydee's Soap Review #13

Greetings, Soaplings!!

Another week has passed, and while I still have a few gripes...

I have also taken a few trips on that steam engine this week. You know the one. The one where you sit on your couch and go...WOO-HOO!

I will start with Port Charles. I'm so loving Tess, and although in the past I have not favored the pairing of a character and another character's

Livvie has gone just a bit too far over the deep end in my opinion. She's been balancing herself on a tightrope between fatal desperation for male companionship and raging hormones. To those people who have had the chance to chat live with me, you know what solution I would have given her for her problem, but FCC regulations will not permit me to write that, so....

Moving right along...

Didn't I predict that Stephen Clay and Caleb were the same person? And even if I didn't, was it not so BLATANTLY obvious when he began taking interests in the very group of people who had a hand in staking the fanged- crusader?

Although the writers are hanging on to their lifeline, and making it appear as if he's just a victim of mistaken identity, we viewers know the real deal! Frankly, I think that Allison's mother is already a vampire!

The DNA results from the test taken in GH reveal that Tess isn't human. Jack freaked out, which sort of had me confused. Port Charles hasn't exactly been a town of naivety. There have been marriages between Vampires and Humans, Angels and Humans, impregnation between creatures and Humans, time travel, Buffy-style showdowns, Angels coming to Earth to kill people, and steal husbands..

What did I miss?

So why would he be shocked? The woman can heal gunshot wounds with her bare hands. Did he really think that there wasn't some out of this world explanation? The first date he and Tess went on was to see a vampire in concert in the park, for crying out loud!

I DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT, want the writers to ruin Lucy's and Doc's relationship by having Lucy fall for Ian. If you are a veteran reader of my column, then you know how I feel about these writers making women out to be helpless whiners who need men in their lives at every turn.

Lucy and Kevin have fought hard to get where they are, and their vows said "For better or for worse". They've overcome far worse when they weren't legally married, it would be an abomination to have Lucy give up and cheat on him now.

Is there a law in the soap world that forbids a female character from NOT choosing to have a man in her life for a little while? Why must there be a replacement male immediately after she's suffered a loss of her previous partner? It doesn't matter how she lost him, why can't she opt to want to establish herself as an INDIVIDUAL first?

Moving over to the other side of Port Charles....

I made a comment in last week's review about Brenda Barrett, and one of my friends..(Hi, Deanne!), brought something to my attention that will make me retract a bit of the comment. I said I smelled a rat in Brenda, and Deanne reminded me that the real rat is Alcazar, for lying to Brenda and making her think that she's dying.

I agree, Deanne, thank you for reminding me of that part of the storyline. However, I stand strong in my opinion that she should NOT be hanging around newly married men, where she can create situations such as the ones that have come about to date.

Which brings me to my ire with this show.

WHAT KIND OF MEN are Jax and Sonny?

Okay, maybe Sonny is already explained, but what is going on with Jax? How can that rat fink stand before God and marry Skye, assuring her that he loves her for better or for worse, and yet bails out on her as soon as he got a tiny out?

Yes, she lied about her whereabouts, and she didn't tell Brenda that she wasn't dying; but let's be real here, folks. Did Skye commit such a vicious crime that it would warrant her husband ending their marriage? Wouldn't all of us be insecure at first, suspicious even, of our spouse's former, believed-dead lover were they to crash-land back into our lives?

Skye may have had some ulterior motives for keeping the info to herself, but her reasons were legit. How would she know that Brenda wasn't aware that her illness was a lie? Jax swore to Skye that she had nothing to worry about in Brenda. He swore that he and Brenda were over. He swore yet again that he and Skye would make it. He scolded her and downplayed her insecurities, in the presence of his former flame, and was actually ANNOYED with her GALL for feeling jealous!( The nerve of her for having feelings!)

And just when he has the perfect opportunity to show her that she truly didn't have anything to fear in his relationship with Brenda, what does he do? He ends things with her and ends up at the cottage for a cozy little rendezvous with the very women he professed to have overcome. NO CLASS, Jax!

Just when the writers get the opportunity to prove their worth and get the show moving in a great direction on the merits of NEW ideas, they turn to the Recycled Storyline Bin to bail them out. Tisk, tisk.

The good news is, Alexis is still the woman, and Luke is still the man. Luke is hilarious, no matter how many times you see him, and no matter how long he's been away. He delivers every time!

It was GREAT to see Lane Davies and Nancy Grahn side by side once again. Even when they're not playing a married couple, their on-screen, harmonious chemistry is still evident.

Now, let's talk about AJ, hm? Is he a sick puppy, or what? Is it possible that such levels of Crushed Male Ego Disorder exist? Oh, man! Is he bordering on Master Voyeur, or is this a display of psychosis that no textbook can explain? AND he wants Courtney to keep him! For...Psych 101 show and tell, maybe?

Back to Llanview...

Can you say..BARF! EWWWW! Mitch Lawrence and Natalie Buchanan? Kidnapping, cult brainwashing, blasphemy and financial extortion aren't hideous enough? You have to add statutory rape to the mix? Yeah, yeah, I know! Natalie is of age, but ugh! MITCH and NATALIE?

Jeez! That kiss made me run upstairs and bolt my daughters' bedroom door!

Next to Natalie, Mitch looked as if he were too out of shape to perform the on screen kiss without asking a stuntman to step in! UGH!

On the flip side of that, it's really great to know that sometime in this millennium, we viewers will be treated to a vintage showdown between Viki and Mitch, and for you new Llanview viewers, you will understand what drew us veteran Llanview viewers to the show in the first place. Natalie and Cris are wonderful together, and I can't wait for that reunion! Got my tickets

And now, back to the Nauseating Storylines Shelf...

TROY and NORA! My goodness! What have the writers done to Nora? She's been reduced to a sex-crazed teenager from the brilliant lawyer and MOTHER that she used to be! Matthew spends more time with nannies and friends than with his parents! Sam is chasing Blair's skirts more times than he's actually defending his clients, and Nora is playing doctor more times than she's defending clients!

If I hear one more "I love you, Troy," I'll need Minoxidil and Chloraseptic all over again! And now she's going to be acting in dual roles as Joanna MacIver! Go figure! Are there no other actresses out there?

The good news is, the Alien has been shipped back to Planet Zeron, and we will have a new Head Writer, so maybe, we will actually have a show that targets HUMAN viewers in the near future!

Keri and Liz serve what purpose, exactly? Blair's been targeted by the mob, yet it's Liz who does all the trembling and the peeking over her shoulder.

JEN....WOO-HOO!! Revenge Plan go BOOM! WOO-HOO!! Say it with me, people!

WOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOO!!! No baby, no wedding, NO CRIS!!

Dumb b..blonde! (Yeah, dumb "blonde", that's it!)

We are in for a long series of revenge flights on the Mini Superbroom

Airlines Express Jet, but having her fall on her face in the meantime is sooooo worth the future aggravation!

Until next week, folks..let me just say...

Go get 'em, Viki!

Wake up, Nat!

Wake up, Cris!


Go fly into the ravines, Mitch, Al, Jen, Roxy, Rex, and Rae-Ray!

Bring on Renee to beat the hell out of Gretel, and may Todd get slapped!

Until then, chew off my head or join my rally at:

Page updated 12/27/11

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