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Kaydee's Soap Review #11

Greetings, Soaplings!

Last week, I wished to be a Whitelighter from the "WB's Charmed" so that I could learn to work some powers and do some character damage. And Scott and JoAnn, guess what?

I did it!! I orbed into the screen and slammed Jen and Jessica! Move over, Charmed Ones, Kaydee the Irate Viewer is in town!

Hee Hee....

Okay, maybe that wasn't so funny, but how about that big FAT seven- course meal of CROW Miss Jessica Buchanan-Balsam-not-a-Buchanan-hey-not-a Balsam-either-now-a- Buchanan Again had to eat this Friday, eh? Chow down, baby!

Now that you've recovered from your dizzy spell, let me take you for a tour of our three shows, starting with Llanview.

Viki returning was the best thing that could have happened this week. Albeit, returning without Ben in tow to call her Blondie would have been an added bonus, but I'll take any break from the Alien pixie-dust fiasco that I can get.

Now we find out that Natalie and Jess are really twins. Now THERE'S a surprise!! Maybe with the new writers, (Or old writers, whatever floats your boat!), returning, we can hopefully look forward to some good old- fashioned soap content!!

Jen is getting pushed into a corner, and I have my front row tickets reserved for the day when Natalie knocks her on her fanny for trying to keep her from her man. It would be an added bonus to see Saint Carlotta lying right next to her on the church floor, preferably holding her chest in excruciating pain from a shock-induced heart attack!

Yes, you sanctimonious sea hag, Jen DUPED you! She played you like a fiddle and you hummed like a bird! Seems to me that Jessie Buchanan will be entertaining a Crow Dinner guest very soon!

The winds must be changing, because for the first time since NuAl Holden has joined the cast, I'm rooting for him to catch Jen out there and give her the fight of her life. It has been refreshingly entertaining to see him grow a SPINE and call Jen's bluffs. As I said, the winds are changing.

Where, oh where, is Clint Buchanan in all of this baby-switching madness? You'd think the man would WANT to be around, especially now that he has TWO daughters to support! Come on, Production people, make a deal with Clint Ritchie or recast the darned role, but bring some SANITY back to these families! BO did NOT have these children, and it's NOT his job to raise them!

Is there no end to the deadbeat parent syndrome in the world of Llanview? We have dysfunctional moms, who are either criminal, absent, drunk, neglectful, or unrealistically nosy and SUPER moral on one hand. On the other hand, the fathers are dead, absent, non-existent or are the uncles or strangers filling in. How many extended overseas business trips exist in the world of rich business people?

Stop utilizing precious time pursuing bed partners or financial gains and PAY ATTENTION to your kids! Maybe then their nannies won't be the ones to see them cut their first teeth, take their first steps, or witness them trying to GET PREGNANT and become obsessed stalkers at seventeen! Jeez!

Okay, let's drift over to Port Charles, shall we?

Naked Eyes is picking up. A little repetitious, since we viewers saw the Steven Clay Band being an evil cult cover-up coming from a mile away, but it's something to look forward to just the same. You can only be curious to see where it's going. Clever call on the part of the casting crew to put Ian Buchanan in as the band's leader. His talents make any part he plays exciting, and I am looking forward to seeing this through to the end. I personally enjoy the whole supernatural storyline revisited, considering that Marissa is involved and Michael Easton is returning. It's the Tempted-Miracles Happen era re-evolving. Works for me! Although in my previous reviews I have bashed the recycling of old storylines, I must say that bringing back some old faves can be a brilliant thing, especially when there was The Grand Puba Alien writing with new characters.

Livvie Borden now has a twin, or does she? In reference to my previous mentions of being able to spot the plots from a mile away, here's my prediction...

Tess won't turn out to be Livvie's twin, but her parallel alter from another universe. With the return of Caleb...(oops! I mean Michael Easton), there's no doubt in my mind that the Steven Clay Band, Michael Easton and NuLivvie are all connected. And what's with the repeat of Nora and Troy in Jack and Tess?

Here we have Jack, not being able to stomach the sight of Livvie anymore, but he is falling for her TWIN, her look-alike, whatever? Oh, come now. Human nature doesn't provide us with the ability to see a person's inner beauty right away, ESPECIALLY when that person has the

IDENTICAL face of someone that has hurt us or represents evil.

Now, we'll go over to General Hospital, and things are really heating up! Scotty has exposed Alexis' one-night stand with Sonny, and although Sonny covered for her, the public's minds are buzzing with the allegation. In addition, the paternity of Alexis' unborn daughter has been revealed to the very person from which she wanted to protect the child.

Sonny is on the hunt now, to claim his territory, and poor Alexis can't fight back, because she doesn't even know that a war has begun. Damnation to Carly, for suffering a sudden attack of guilty conscience, for she has not received gratitude from Sonny, he spit her honesty back in her face, and has made a worse enemy in Alexis.

My credit card is maxed out from all of these ringside tickets I'm ordering in advance. The Soap Opera Heavyweight Bout is the event of the century, and debt or no debt, I'm going to be there to see them all.

First there's the Catfight Rounds:

Carlotta vs. Liz Reynolds

Jen vs. Natalie

Skye vs. Brenda

Carly vs. Alexis

Carly vs. Brenda

Elizabeth vs. Courtney

Viki vs. Roxy

Viki vs. Rae

Viki vs. Allison

If I forgot anyone, e-mail me with the match-up!


Then we have the Testosterone Round:

Sonny vs. Ned

Jax vs. Alcazar

Ned vs. Edward

Lucky vs. Jason

Scott vs. Luke

Cristian vs. Al


The Tag Team Mixed Competition:

Luke & Alexis vs. Scotty and Sonny

Blair vs. Todd

Natalie and Cris vs. Al, Marcie and Jen.


OOOOH! Sizzlin'!

Get your betting money together, folks! It's going to be an interesting wager. I welcome all predictions, comments and feedback. Send them to me at:

Tune in next week!

Page updated 12/27/11

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