All My Children Best Lines Tuesday 5/24/11


Provided By Eva

Tad: What kind of insensitive jerk asks his ex-wife to give romantic advice about his fake one?

Krystal: The kind who leads with his heart and doesn't think anybody's looking.

Tad: I'll stick with "insensitive jerk."

Krystal: Who happens to be one of my favorite people in the whole world. So come on. It's me here. Spit it out.

Tad: Don't laugh.

Krystal: I won't laugh. Ha ha ha ha!

Tad: Nice one. Thank you. Off to a roaring start. Oh, no, it gets better. You're gonna love this. You'll be rolling on the floor. This is a ticket for Cara's dry cleaning, which I volunteered to pick up. Which is a good thing, because it's right next door to the shoe store where she's having her favorite pumps fixed.

Krystal: Mm-hmm. You're gonna pick those up, too, right?

Tad: While I was at it. I mean, it's -- this came from the video store. We are planning an all-night horror marathon, popcorn and all.

Krystal: Well, the horrors.

Tad: It's not funny. You know as well as I do I detest horror films. For some reason, I haven't been this excited since you and I scored those tickets to Cher's Farwell Tour.

Krystal: Heh heh heh! It looks to me like you care for Cara in a way that is not so "green card marriage."

Tad: And, hence, you have my problem. Because I'm an idiot for dancing around the edge of the possibility of the thought that it could ever be more than that.

Krystal: Honey, by the looks of those stubs there and those DVDs and the fact that you are breaking your back to help your brother, I think you have danced well into that area.

Tad: Which is why I'm a total fool. It's an impossibility. It's inconceivable. She's her, I'm me, and there's Jake, and the fact is she's never gonna love anybody but him.

Krystal: Yeah. Sure. Listen, Erica, I am really, really sorry that things got a little heated the last time you were here. I just hope you know you have nothing to worry about. Obviously Jack is just over the moon with you, and he always has been -- he always will be.

Jane: Thank you for saying that. But if you ever try to steal him, I'll kick your ass into next week.

Krystal: What did you say?

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