All My Children Best Lines Thursday 2/24/11


Provided By Eva

Erica: Yes? May I help you?

Gertie: You can if you want. I'm here to clean your house.

Erica: They sent you?

Gertie: I know. It's hard to believe that this package is gonna mop and dust.

Erica: When I called the cleaning service, I specifically asked for Donna.

Gertie: For Christmas, I specifically asked for Mario Lopez.

Erica: May I see some identification?

Gertie: Lady, I'm here to clean your house, not to do undercover work for the CIA.

Erica: There's no way I'm letting you in this house without seeing identification.

Gertie: All right. Hold this. Here it is.

Erica: You use a price's club card for your identification?

Gertie: The picture is so much better than on my license. You see?

Erica: "Gertrude Stein"?

Gertie: Yes, yes, I know. I've heard all of the jokes before. My friends call me Gertie. So you got a name? Oh, my God! You're not really her, are you? Are you the Erica Kane, the one with the TV show and all the husbands?

Erica: Yes, I am Erica Kane.

Gertie: Wow. I never much cared for you.

Erica: Do you think I give a damn whether you liked me on television or not?

Gertie: Not so much in person either, so far.

Erica: You'd think with the economy the way it is, you'd be a lot more grateful to have a job.

Gertie: Oh, yeah. I'm thrilled. Can't wait to wipe down your toilets.

Erica: The supplies are in the kitchen.

Gertie: You know, Erica Kane, I know more about you than you think. I read the tabloids.

Erica: What a surprise.

Gertie: So is it true that you had an affair with -- what is his name? The guy with the big ears?

Erica: Why don't you start upstairs in the bedrooms?

Gertie: Prince Charles. That's the one.

Erica: No. I hear he's very happily married.

Gertie: That never stopped you before.

Erica: Ok. That's it.

Gertie: Oh, come on! You've got to be tougher skinned than that, what with all the times you've been in jail and all those husbands. Speaking of which, that Jackson Montgomery guy is quite a looker. So how come you haven't set the date? You've been engaged, like, forever.

Erica: You're fired.

Gertie: Touchy subject, I guess.

Erica: And I'm calling your employer and telling them about your behavior.

Gertie: My behavior? What about your behavior? Engaged to tall, blond, sexy, and dirty, and fooling around with that hot bear of a guy from the mountaintop.

Erica: What part of "you're fired" don't you get?

Gertie: What? You mean I'm fired for real? Oh, wow. I thought you were just putting on a show, if you know what I mean.

Erica: I haven't known what you meant since you walked through that door. Now, get out of here now! Leave before I call the police! Out!

Gertie: Just one more thing. Could I get an autograph before I go? I really --

[Erica slams the door]

Erica: This must be my lucky day.

Gertie: Yeah, me, too. But I'm kind of surprised to see you in a bar. You are a drunk, right?

Erica: You have such a lovely way with words. You don't remember that you just served me a cranberry and soda?

Gertie: I was just waiting for your flask to come out of your little Gucci Pucci bag there. So are you meeting lover boy Jackson?

Erica: I'm here for a business meeting.

Gertie: Monkey business, I'll bet, with that real sexy Caleb Cortlandt guy?

Erica: Ok, listen to me, bartender/cleaning lady. Not that I owe you any explanations at all, but FYI, I happen to be resigning from Cortlandt.

Gertie: Oh, and I'll bet you Jackson is making you do that to keep you away from Caleb.

Erica: Jackson and I -- why am I even speaking to you?

Gertie: So who's number one on your speed dial?

Erica: My daughter. I'm calling my daughter, who happens to also be part owner of this place. So you're getting fired, again.

Gertie: This really is not my day. You know how the autograph thing didn't exactly work out? How about we just get a photo instead? Here we go. [Snaps pic)

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