All My Children Best Lines Monday 10/4/10


Provided By Eva

Kendall: Can't you just say that I served it? Ooh. No. Of course not. You're a Martin.

Jake: Now, you said that with, like, disgust in your voice.

Kendall: No, no disgust. No. Just it's a little inconvenient. That's all. I assume I'll be doing some glorified candy striper duties? So just don't make me wear the outfit, please? I look horrible in vertical stripes.

Liza: Can I get a waiter over here, please?

Damon: Want to just tell me what you want and I'll tell the kitchen?

Liza: How about a new filing clerk?

Damon: What? Excuse me?

Liza: Somebody who files and runs errands and answers phones without me having to tell them exactly how to do that.

Damon: I can get the waiter.

Jake: Uh-oh. Someone pour hot water on your ice castle?

Tad: No, not mine. Damon's.

Jake: Oh. What happened?

Tad: For one thing, he passed his G.E.D.

Jake: You're kidding me. He passed that thing?

Tad: Yeah, he passed.

Jake: That's good.

Tad: He thought so. Hell, he thought it was the keys to the universe. Unfortunately, that dream got shot down pretty quickly.

Jake: Hmm. Well, I'm sorry.

Tad: Yeah. You're sorry? I don't know what to do for the poor kid. One minute he's on top of the world, the next thing he's getting humiliated in front of his girlfriend and his brand-new father. It was everything I could do not to bribe that woman from the employment agency to hire him in something.

Jake: Oh, Lord. Please don't tell me you did that.

Tad: No.

Jake: Good.

Tad: But I did think about starting up my own company just so I could hire him as a partner.

Jake: I don't know what idea's worse.

Tad: Thank you.

Jake: You're welcome. Look, you know what you have to do. Right? He has to learn. He has to be able to step up himself.

Tad: Don't start with me. I swear, right in that-- I know, ok? I know all of that. I realize that, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like a hypocrite. I know that doing everything for your children isn't necessarily helping them. Hitting a brick wall is a learning experience--yada, yada. And, of course, I have been the one shrieking at Liza for the last few months that the best parents are ones that let kids make it on their own.

Jake: Why did you come down here? You miss me? Is that why?

Tad: No. I came down here because I still want to fix it for that kid. So I want you to examine me, find something wrong, and then quarantine me just until this blows over. I'm serious.

Jake: You don't need me to check you into the hospital. Just do the right thing. You know what the right thing is. Just do the right thing.

Tad: Yeah. I should rig the roulette wheel at Ryan's so that Damon can walk home a winner.

Jake: You know that I know that you know what the right thing is here. You have to let Damon learn how to save himself. Listen, we all have to do that. That's ok. That's right up there with learning how to let go.

Tad: You know what's really frightening? You're almost believable at this. What are you gonna do for the next trick? Write a self-help book?

Jake: I might. You know what it's called? "My brother, my problem." Look, this is not as dire as you think. Right?

Tad: It's easy for you to say. You didn't see the woman from the agency go shrieking out of Krystal's.

Jake: Hey, she's not the only game in town. For all Damon knows, there's another job right around the corner. He just has to ready himself for it.

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